Category Archives: Not PG rated

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Let’s NOT cue the drama… Mmmm K?

I hate drama, I detest it.  I also hate attention whores and drama Queens.  Oh and people who lie for stupid, insignificant reasons.  Hell I just hate people in general!  Especially lately, maybe it’s because I have PMS? Who knows, and quite frankly I doubt anyone truly gives a shit either.

Attention whores, drama queens and what I refer to as ‘the topper’ really get my panties in a knot.  Also ‘pissing contents’ because really, who needs those?

Apparently some people do.

I want to punch them in the face.

Really hard.

Some people just can not handle not being the center of attention.  Drives. Me. Insane.  For example: When I’m talking about something I feel is important and they butt in with ya ya so they can blab on about their shit.

Is THAT the only reason you called me?  Because you want a fucking audience?!?

Please go get hit by a bus. Drop dead Shut your whore mouth for five fucking minutes!

Jesus H Christ!

Then there’s the times when your having a conversation about whatever and something not totally relevant/yet slightly relevant to your story comes up.   Something that your not planning on driveling on about for any extended period of time but more so providing more background info on.  They butt in with yeah I went/was there/seen it too.  Yet somehow you know they’re lying to you so you ask a question that had they actually seen/done the same thing on a different day/month/year they would provide an accurate answer.  Except they get all exasperated and flippant with you.  Because they know that you know they’re lying through their fucking teeth!  Why?  Because they thought YOU were going to talk about it endlessly, therefore taking time away from listening to them blather on about What. The Fuck Ever.  Because while they want YOU to be THEIR audience for the entire duration of the conversation yet they don’t have one fucking iota of interest in anything that’s about to come out of your mouth unless it has something to do with THEM.

Of. Course.

Except they think your stupid and don’t clue into their subtle lies.  Yet YOU know they’re lying.  In spite of the fact that I don’t say anything about it.  I know.  Oh boy, do I know.  Therefore because of your tactless bullshit, I have lost a whole lotta respect for you that you’ll never have back.  Oh I bet that gets your goat now doesn’t it?

When all you want to do is say: I don’t care, I don’t care Ohhhhhhhhhhh I Don’t give a flying fuck about What. The. Fuck. Ever. You’re about to drivel on about!

Woman like to relate, although some people take it to a WHOLE new level.  It goes from relating to: OMGWTFBBQ I’m out of the spotlight so let’s turn this into a pissing contest!  Because the attention NEEDS TO BE BACK ON ME, ME, ME!

Sadly, I can’t usually back down from these moments.  I try to, I’m usually ashamed when I can’t.  I’m competitive by nature, it’s the inner Chef in me (Read: All the guys who said I wouldn’t make it but I did; so fuck you, kiss my pasty white ass!) oh & my stubborn pigheaded ways that can’t Won’t refuse to do so.  When inside my head I’m screaming:

FOR FUCK SAKES LET ME HAVE MY DAMN MOMENT!

Nope, they can’t allow that, because it takes the spotlight OFF of them.

My fist is really itching to make an acquaintance with your face.

Yet I say nothing because that’s irrevocably rude.  Until one day when you push me over the ever loving edge.

Well so is blogging about it, but hey I’m not name calling and finger pointing here either.

Wonder just how many people are going to contact me AND accusingly  SAY OMFG STEPH I JUST KNOW YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT ME!

They’re going to assume that’s it’s about them.  Why?  Because they see themselves in this very blog post.  Perhaps there’s a reason for that.

Because that’s in their nature.  So is scores of several other things, but hey who am I to judge?


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Tick tock

What the fuck?  That’s the sound of Steph’s biological clock…

To coin a phrase from a friend:” Sweet baby Jesus I’m fucking screwed!”

OK well she doesn’t usually say that, but close!
She uses sweet baby Jesus a lot.  Now I can see why!

So I had a horrific revelation of sorts the other day…  I work in a daycare.  Which is beyond hilarious if you really knew me.  Why?  Because I am was so anti baby it would blow your mind!  When I worked at the tea room, parents would think that we were their babysitters.  One time I told someone that if they didn’t keep an eye on their child who was being utterly disruptive to other patrons (running around and into my kitchen and hanging out at other people’s tables while mommy was playing catch up with a friend), that I would duct tape them to the chair.  Not to mention the mother who was breastfeeding her baby FACING the huge bay window of the tea shop not covered up what so ever.  I’m not talking a discreet breastfeeding display here either, she may as well had her whole shirt off .  OK, no I don’t have a problem with breastfeeding in public (never have).  So before all you public breast feeding pro choice people come and burn my house down, chill out for a moment.

It sucks to live your life according to others standards of decency but you can’t discount that they will often have an affect on you and yours so I’m trying to tread lightly and find that middle ground. I personally could care less, I have my own pair of breasts to stare at all the time and they’re fan-freaking-tastic if I do say so myself 😉

Breasts provide nutrition for the little’s, but they’re also sexual things as well.  Argue all you want about the topic but its true.  For example: This:

Not a sexual thing vs

This:

Anyway this isn’t about breastfeeding, but regardless of how natural it IS, some people aren’t cool with that.  IE: my uptight customers, or even me as I’m setting your scones down on your table and getting a face full of boob (I’m not thirsty thanks, and I have enough milk in my coffee already).  Feed your kids all you want, I’m all about saving money!  Except maybe be a  little discreet about it, there’s no need to show off all the goodies right?  There’s nothing wrong with it, and I fail to see anything sexual about breastfeeding either mind you.  Although I am sure that countless others would beg to differ.

I’m currently waiting for the hate brigade to show up at my door.

That and countless other things that have turned me off from wanting to have kids…  Like stretch marks, I have enough of those already thank you.

I don’t need more.  Do. Not. Want. Thanks.

Then I met Elliot.

Swoon!

I seen him during the tour my co-worker was giving him of the daycare.  They always make a stop in the kitchen to introduce them to the Chef (me) and show them the facilities that we have in store.

It was love at first sight.

One look at those huge blue eyes, two chins, those itty bitty feet, chubby little hands and the most perfect cupid bows mouth would have you falling for this adorable little as well.  OMG I have never in a million years been so smitten by someone’s baby!

With the exception of my niece and nephew of course, because they’re perfect!  Not to mention my friends little’s OMG they’re so cute!

Anyway Elliot is my latest “boyfriend” at the daycare.  They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and seeing as how all the little boys at the daycare love me, this must be true.

I’m quite popular with the little’s for this reason.

Anyway moving along…  My period was is all messed up for a few reasons, and now that I’m not on my pills for the moment, my damn hormones seem to be all over the place.  So Wed. I made my morning trek into the nursery and seen my adorable sweetheart Elliot and this feeling of longing came over me.  I didn’t want to put him back down, I just wanted to hold this child forever and take him home.

Wait WHAT!?!  *enter the sound of screeching here*

Dear God my first though was…

I’m turning into one of those people.

You know, the one’s whose ages start to creep up on you and stuff.  I just turned 32, this is what I have to look forward to for the next few years, you know until I get all menopausal like?  Or con, bribe find a Dr.who will tie my tubes, or better yet, just yank it ALL out?

Because my OBGYN won’t *Le sigh*

Are you kidding me?!?

Ah but sweet Elliot, I have to get a picture of this kid, because he’s just so damn cute!  As I was leaving on Wed, I of course had to stop in and fight the urge to steal say good-bye  to my adorable sweetheart Elliot.  I put him down to leave and as soon as I turned and walked away he started to cry 🙁  I turned around and looked back at him and he looked at me with one lone tear rolling down his cheek with the worlds biggest pout on those lips and my heart melted.

Then of course reality kicks in, the cost, the time, did I mention the money?  Oh yeah and then I can turn into one of those mommy bloggers.  You know the type that have NOTHING to say other then what their children ate/slept/shit/barfed?  Yeah I can’t stand them either.  While some are a wealth of information when you have no where to turn (I like useful things like that!) I like my mommy blogger friends/people I read the best.  Because while they do in fact talk about their children, they have other things to talk about as well.

So that at least makes it interesting to read and I can on occasion go AWE!  Oh yeah and feel my uterus contract with need and longing…

No only do they talk about their adorable children, there’s things like dealing with the possibility of having another…

This is why I love Tracy!

Also not to mention that reading her last blog post, essentially took a sledge hammer to my clock and smashed it to pieces, this is another reason why I love her!

Thank you sweet baby Jesus for that!