Dear Dustin

An open letter to my nephew who turned 18 today.

Dearest Dustin.

I remember when your mom told me she was pregnant with you.

Instant Joy. 

I was SO excited, I couldn’t wait for you to arrive!  I took your mom and dad out to Mr. Sub and your mom got the most disgusting concoction I have ever seen.  I still lived at home and your mom and dad lived next door and I was the one who answered the phone when your mom called in the wee hours of the morning panicking because she was pretty sure that her water broke and she couldn’t pee and could I please get mom.

I was fortunate enough to be let into the delivery room minutes after your arrival, which technically wasn’t allowed but the rules were bent for me that day and I remember the first time I held you in my arms.  Your dad was glaring at me because I was hogging you and had a real hard time giving you back.  I absolutely adored you from that moment and that’s one thing that hasn’t changed.

I promised your parents that I would be your guardian should something happen to them.  I was honored that your parents asked me to be your God mother and I stood before all of our loved one’s and God as I promised to do everything I could in my power to help you, to guide you, to protect you and most importantly to love you no matter what.

I never, ever go back on my word.

I’ll never forget the time you asked me about being gay, which also led to a discussion about adoption all the while wondering where on earth your mother was! Ha ha >.<  We (your mom and I) still laugh about that to this day and about how mortified *I* was.

When you were small, I used to sing you are my sunshine and that has proven to be true all these years.  No matter how rough things got, I could always count on you (and your sister when she arrived) to brighten my day and to remind me of how blessed I truly am.  Through the years there’s been some insane ups and downs.  Lot’s of sleepover’s, trips to the park, ice cream, hugs,  tears, joy, frustrations and times when I was sorry and very angry that I couldn’t be there with you to take the hurt away when I moved to Montreal.  Just remember my dear heart, death before dishonor.  I promised you and your sister that I wouldn’t ever hurt you.

I will beat the snot out of anyone who dares to hurt the love of my life.   

I can’t believe that you’re 18.  *I* was 18 when you came into this world and you have turned into a remarkable young man and I am so proud of you and the man you have become and I can only begin to imagine what an outstanding man you’re going to become.  Here are some pearls of wisdom  and there’s some more here and some more here.  There’s a lot of validity in those pearls of wisdom.  Cherish them.

The only piece of advice I wish to leave to leave you with is this: Be true to yourself, because at the end of the day that’s who you have to live with.  I’ll love you no matter what. xoxo

You are my sunshine.  I’ll love you forever, i’ll like you for always.  As long as i’m living, my nephew you’ll be. <3

All my love, Aunt Stephie

 

 

 

2013 in review

I can’t recall if I did this last year or not and looking back at previous entries it almost makes me sad to think that the older I get, the more lame my life seems to become lol.

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

I was able to say good-bye to a friend, finally.  Went Mosaïcultures internationales, which was something extraordinary.  Checked out nuit blanche, fete de neige, the Montreal ice hotel/village, was part of a live audience for a taping at a Just For Laughs gala, seen Debra DiGiovani   (She’s hilar in real life, I promise).  Celebrated a non smoking anniversary (one year baby, working on a second!).  Seen pink in concert, not once but twice!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Here’s the thing about resolutions.  We all make them and usually break them and feel like a total failure.  Why do we always need to wait until the end of the year to write a new chapter?  There’s 365 days in the damn year, own that shit!  Write a new page every damn day.  You don’t need to write a new chapter, sometimes all you need to write is a poem.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Sure did!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yep.

5. What countries did you visit?

This question always depresses me.  I never get to go anywhere good because I am always, seemingly poor.  I REALLY need to rectify this problem.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

Ohh less stress, less debt, less housework!

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I don’t know the exact date, but I know it was in Sept.  Julie (Jason’s mom) was kind enough to send me some of Jason’s ashes and I was able to finally say goodbye to him.  I finally found peace within my soul, something I had not had for a very long time.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Registering for school, putting a dent in my debt and doing the things i’ve been meaning to do.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not finding a better paying job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing too major.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A sexy new camera for school.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine, because you know what?  No one is going to celebrate you quite like you.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Someone’s mother, who shall remain nameless (not my own).

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, concert tickets, stuff for school.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Career change!!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?

Anything by P!nk because I was fortunate to be able to see her twice.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier, fatter and rich in some ways (non monetary) and poor when it comes to actual money

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Gone to see and do more when the weather was nice.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Ordered in.  All this take out and extravagant eating is not helping my fat ass out any and it certainly isn’t helping my bank account.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my darling boyfriend for the first time since last year we couldn’t be together and my family in Ontario.  It was awesome as usual.

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?

Every day!

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey’s, two broke girls

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope.

24. What was the best book you read?

Ugh that’s a tough call, I read so many good one’s

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Oh I don’t know about that, nothing really stands out for me.  Which is pretty sad in it’s own way.

26. What did you want and get?

A new camera (pro series)

27. What did you want and not get?

A raise.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Kick ass 2

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Went out with the boyfriends family and had a lovely dinner and got spoiled of course.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not being in debt.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

Plain, casual with some more amped up color for a change.  Although due to going out more, i’ve had to acquire more fancier attire.

32. What kept you sane?

Art.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Russell Brand.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

People getting pissy in the US over healthcare.

35. Who did you miss?

My nanna and my best friend.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Sandra.  Nick’s cousin, we just seem to get each other.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

That those who can take you for granted can and in fact will.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“The Giving Tree”

All the leaves on the Giving Tree have fallen
No shade to crawl in underneath
I’ve got scars from a pocket knife
Where you carved your heart into me

If all you wanted was love
Why would you use me up
Cut me down, build a boat, and sail away
When all I wanted to be was your giving tree
Settle down, build a home, and make you happy?

I lie in the dead of night and I wonder
Whose covers you’re between
And it’s sad laying in his bed
You feel hollow, so you crawl home back to me

Well, I see a trail that starts
A line of broken hearts behind you
That lead you back to me
The once sad and lonely fool
With nothing left but roots to show, oh

 

Glass houses

A very long ass time ago Cher (yes I said Cher) had a hit song out called ”if I could turn back time ” which is often what comes to mind when I say something along the lines of words are like weapons (Words are like weapons they wound sometimes).

Not entirely relevant to this post per se but a fun little fact just the same.

Anyhoo…

An interesting thing happened the other day and it was completely by chance.  It also goes to show you that some people no matter how ‘book smart’ they are, are really, really fucking stupid yo!

It happened a little something like this while we were waiting to meet with one of Nick’s friends from the dark ages high school:

Nick: Babe, I forgot my phone at home.

Me: Do you recall anyone’s phone number off the top of your head?

Nick: No, of course not. Blah blah blah…

Me: OK well lucky for you, I have data on my phone, i’ll just reply to the  e-mail so that everyone will have my cell number in case someone needs to get in touch with us.

Nick: Oh well in that case, check and see if so and so’s number is in there would you?  It should be in the e-mail that was sent out.  We can just call him and get M’s number from him.

Me: I’m on it.

So there I am, scrolling through a pile of e-mails that were sent to pretty much everyone when it became clear to me that they were ‘piggy backing’ off of an old thread from a previously planned get together.  Someone wasn’t too bright in doing so because my eye happened to fall upon this from one of Nick’s douche friends so called good friends e-mail reply…

“Should we invite Nick?  Maybe he can bring his hot new girlfriend.  Just kidding, unless you’re into that sort of thing” 

Thing?

Since when am I a fucking thing?

Listen ass bag, first of all I am A. FUCKING. PERSON. A kick ass one at at. 

That’s common knowledge yo. 

Secondly: When you’re sending out an e-mail blast perhaps you should start a shiny new composition?  You know the shiny new one that DOES NOT have you making derogatory remarks about your friends girlfriend?  Even more so when said friend and his girlfriend are included in said e-mail recipients.

See I personally don’t give a shit what you think of me.  I know that I am not for everyone and that’s fine.  Because let’s face it honey, I wouldn’t tap that (you) if you were the last offering left on earth, so as far as that’s concerned I suppose the feeling is mutual?  I’m clearly not your type judging by your wife, (who is lovely by the way) we’re complete and utter opposites of each other.

That’s OK!

You know what ISN’T OK?

The way you betrayed someone who thought you were a better friend than that.

I will not loose any sleep over your small minded opinion of me, nor will I let your poor judgement(s) of myself color my self worth in anyway either.

My boyfriend on the other hand?

He’s amazing and he deserves much, much better than that.  

He was far, far more tactful than I would ever be when he pointed this indiscretion out to you.  And yet you don’t have the balls to say anything for yourself.

 I do however believe that we all live in glass houses and therefore should not throw stones…

So honey if you are going to throw stone’s from your glass house, put some clothes on.  Your vagina is showing.

An open letter to my big sister Sandra

Today I can honestly and truly say that I have never been more proud of you than I am right at this moment.  Today you graduated from your rec & leisure program at Conestoga college.

I remember when mom told me that you were planning on taking the plunge and going to college.  No easy feat for most people, let alone a single mom with two kids.

Through the years I’ve seen you face numerous obstacles, more than I think the average person would, let alone should endure in a single lifetime.  I’ve seen you beyond frustrated because of the challenges that life has thrown at you.

I’ve seen your victorious glory on the rare occasions that you caught a break.  I have seen the pride in your eyes when you held both of your children in your arms.  I’ve chased down douche bag boyfriends down the street with sharp objects because they had the audacity to talk shit about you and the fact that you have epilepsy.  I’ve seen you fight to have acceptance and work your ass off to get an education so that you can get ahead in life.

I’ve always admired you and respected you.  More than I think you are aware…

I hope that today, you can look back on this and think back to all the hard work you’ve endured and know that it’s worth it.  Life is hard, I’ve worked in one of the most sexist industries for the past 21 years and through it all, so many people told me to give it up because I would never make it.

Yet, I did.

So can you.

Don’t ever let the bastards get you down big sister and don’t ever let someone tell you that can’t.  If they do, there’s only one thing that you should do:

Prove the fuckers wrong in every damn way that you can.  YOU did this, own this shit in every way that you can.  No one can ever take this away from you.

I regret not being home to share in your glory with you.  Just know that everyone knew just how proud I was of you today, even though today is *my* birthday.  I’ll let it go this time ;)

Love Me.

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