Knowing is half the battle.

I’m not really what most people would consider to be a sensitive person. Being a Chef all these years, you learn to develop a pretty thick skin.

I’m the kind of person who let’s most comments go, unless they are legitimately hurtful the first time around.  Most of the time they don’t get to me at first and I say nothing. Which is my downfall because the minute I become fed up about something or someone (usually several someone’s’) saying the same thing over and over again I get fed up and fast.It’s usually only then that I say something and someone somewhere will always take offense to it somehow even if it has nothing to do with them. This is a whole other situation unto itself.   I am a person too, I also have feelings and just because someone doesn’t agree with my way of thinking doesn’t give them the right to trash talk me either.

So where do you draw the line? Do you speak up the first time when it’s not a big deal and appear to be someone who complains/the person who cries wolf and come across as a victim?  Or do you wait and see and eventually become so fed up that you can’t take it anymore? Are you one of those people who comments on everything and people call you a ‘know it all’ behind your back?

I’ve noticed that there is an increase of both on some of the online forums I frequent in the past 36 hours.

There are a lot of things that get said, lots of phrases and idioms’ that target certain demographics, races, religions, genders, diseases, mental health issues and more. Most things we say without thinking about consequences to another person or party. I am not a fan of censorship. I just had a long conversation with my fiance about this, whereupon I basically said that I can’t be responsible for someone else getting hurt/upset or offended if I am making vague and blanket statements. If they want to somehow attribute it to them or make it about them without proof that it is in fact directly at them specifically, there really is nothing I can do.

I almost never make blanket statements about people in general. There very well may have been one person that was ‘the tipping point’ whereupon I become so enraged that I need to say something (in a general sense) and while I know that I am being petty and most likely and asshole, I generally also don’t think that people would assume that it was about them. This is happening more and more… It’s really starting to get on my nerves.

For example, I was having a one on one conversation about someone and it was pretty heavy and personal. We got around to the sensitive subject of the way this person looks. They had said that there was nothing that could be done to change it, whereupon I had said well surgery was an option, are you not interested in doing that anymore? I had only mentioned it because at one point, it was ‘on the table’ as an option but it was something that I never mentioned because I figured that it should happen, I would be privy to it. I didn’t say it to imply that I thought that this person actually needed the surgery (I still don’t feel that they do). It was not perceived that way and a whole lot of ugliness ensued in a very public way.

All because someone thought (rather incorrectly) that I thought that something was wrong with them and they needed to fix it. I felt like shit for that because I know all too well what it’s like to be treated differently because you don’t fit in or look like the majority. That particular incident really hit me to the core and broke my heart. The mere thought of thinking that I was capable of being a bully and making someone feel that way made me feel really, really small.

However when I say things like: “Spread it likes its herpes’/herpes is the glitter of the craft world, I’m a grammar Nazi, this makes me OCD flare up, or when I say something along the lines of I try really hard to respect and/or accommodate other people’s religion, traditions, opinions, (I really do!) however sometimes I can not accommodate them. My failure to do so does NOT mean I am being disrespectful intentionally and if you/anyone feels that way (about me), you can kiss my ass.”

Those aren’t directed at anyone. They’re just things that I say. I’m not a hateful person.  

The whole herpes thing came up today in a group that I belong to. It’s used as a punch line quite a bit. Then someone pointed out that they themselves have herpes (the STD version), which was contacted as a result of assault. So at first they let the comments roll off, however today it was enough and something was finally said. It forced me to look at things I say a little differently.

Same thing when someone mentioned that they were dyslexic and were hurt by the amount of people that said that they wouldn’t date someone who had terrible grammar or can’t spell. It made them feel embarrassed and ashamed because they couldn’t read properly as an adult and that was their secret shame.

Well damn.

That never, ever crossed my mind since dyslexia isn’t something that often get’s talked about. They made me think though and I promptly felt like an asshole because I totally take it for granted that I can read fluidly and used to devour books.

As for OCD- I have OCD and humor for me is something that I use as a coping mechanism. OCD can be so very crippling and unless you truly know what it feels like to have it, then no, you don’t have the right to joke around about it.

Religion is something that I rarely, if ever discuss with anyone. I have gotten ‘condemned’ because I am tattooed, I shoot woman in ‘provocative’ ways (I shoot boudoir) and several other things. I have gotten my share of nasty messages about this. Hence forth my status message that one time. I had had enough that day. Its one thing for someone I know to say something like that (which, for the record does NOT make it OK), it’s just that much more insulting/irritating/annoying to have strangers comment on it because they know nothing about me.

Traditions/superstitions fascinate me. I’m partially Irish and they are notoriously known for being superstitious. My father was a very, very superstitious man, to the point that it was almost embarrassing (sorry dad!).  My fiance and I were talking about that the other day because he’s Italian and they have their share as well. I referred to them as traditions and he said it wasn’t so much that, but superstitions. This makes a lot of sense to the Irish person in me.

Traditions I can take them or leave them personally, as in I am mostly indifferent. Sometimes I find them to be charming (they usually are) and sometimes I feel that they’re a little dated and not necessarily applicable to the here and now or they don’t apply to me or my life or the vision I have set forth. Which I feel does not make me a bad person. I am who I am and I have my own set of beliefs so it’s a little unrealistic to expect anyone to accommodate every single one of them because someone might get upset. After all, you can’t please everyone all of them time. However saying that I’m disrespectful for feeling this way is really not OK. It’s not a deliberate intention and if someone get’s hurt about it, then yeah I might feel bad about it because I don’t set out to hurt people but that doesn’t make me a bad person either.

The same thing applies with depression/mental illness. I have depression and an anxiety disorder. Some days it’s crippling. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to make a phone call but the mere thought of doing so paralyzes you with a completely unprecedented fear? To wake up in the morning and feel so hollow and empty that you would rather be dead than get out of bed and try and face the day? Yet the term depression get’s tossed around a lot. Usually it’s not a matter of said person being depressed, they’re usually just sad. Anxiety is usually just nervousness of feeling anxious for the moment. Anxiety disorders are nothing like that.

So while I will not censor myself or the things that I say, I will think twice about being a little more sensitive to the people who usually bear the brunt of social stigmas.

A very wise person once said:”We can’t know things until we know them. We have so much to learn from on another. Why not take those things and help them shape us into even better versions of ourselves?” -Good point




I committed career suicide.


I’ll admit it, I’ve gotten really spoiled the past few years with a nice cushy culinary job.

I earned it. 

What a lot of people don’t realize is that the culinary industry is very egocentric and God help your sorry ass if you have a vagina and are *gasp* better at something than some guy on your line.  It’s also very, very sexist.  Growing up and pursuing this particular art form was nothing short of a hellish nightmare.  I was constantly told that I would never make it as a Chef.

Except I did.  I even wrote my own damn cook book too.  Because I am AWESOME. 

I have spent the last 4.5 years in a upscale, private daycare.  On June 13th 2014 I was unceremoniously fired for reasons I can not currently discuss in a public forum.

So I did what any self respecting Chef would do.  Dusted off my CV (which is a work of art) and hit the ground running looking for work.  There is no shortage of restaurants in this lovely city and generally at any point I found myself without a job I always found one within a week or two.  Usually within in a few days.  When you work in a restaurant, jobs as a line cook are plentiful.  As are other higher ranked opportunities (such as Chef de partie, sous chef and so forth).

That is until you work in a daycare for almost five years…

That right there?  That’s what you call career suicide.

I have lost count of how many CV’s I have sent out.  I have, to be fair gotten my fair share of call backs as well.  Which is great until you show up for the interview and they compliment you on how ballin your CV is, but then when it gets to your qualifications and experience, it’s like they never read the fucking thing!?!  It’s pretty clear that I haven’t worked on a line in almost five years and I’m straight up about that too.

Oh and I can’t forget the times that I have been either scheduled for a job trial and/or an interview only to show up and be told that the position has been filled.  Because clearly calling me as a courtesy is too taxing for you.


So I finally caught a break.

Or so I thought. 

I accepted a job at a not to be disclosed location and all of a sudden I became the most popular person ever!  My phone was going INSANE with interviews and job offers.  I have one place BEGGING me to come there.  Except I had committed to one and I told the others that I would get back to them.

Well the really nice, high paying sous chef job required me to be more bilingual than I am and that made me sad because I couldn’t accept it in the end.  Another job trial was in a production kitchen but the kitchen manager was a giant douche bag and I knew the minute I laid eyes on him, it wasn’t going to work out.  I was right.  Which was fine actually because holy shit listening to CJAD all day and cutting vegetables? zzzzzzzzzzz  Yeah I would have done it for now because well bills and stuff.  I could go on and on but needless to say, it just wasn’t working out.  It’s basically been what’s stated above, lather, rinse, repeat.
I need a few days to settle in somewhere and get organized.  The first few shifts for me are always clumsy and awkward but you team that up with not being in that environment for so long?

You’re fucked.

Metaphorically it’s like this: It’s like an old friend you’ve known for years and years and all of a sudden you don’t talk for 4.5 years.  Then you get reunited.  Which is great, it’s familiar but a lot has changed too.  So you need to spend time playing catch up with this person.

Except no one can afford to give you that time, or you’re not French speaking enough or lacking your papers or a car and the list goes on and on.

So I took the last option I had handed to me, they’re really nice people, gorgeous restaurant and then as we were setting up to open I noticed that there was 4 different types of meat on the counter.  I put my hand on them thinking that they had just been pulled out of the fridge.  Nope.


Oh hell no.

So.  So much for that place.  Back to the grind I go, more interviews, more of the oh, you’ve been out of restaurants for a while.  Yeah this isn’t going to work out (Again, read my f’ing CV jackass).

Yet I didn’t give up, that is until yesterday.  I had a training shift schedule at a place that I thought would be a good re-introduction back into a line.  I was flat out honest about where I stood, how long it had been since I had worked on a line and blah blah blah.  He didn’t care, thanked me for being honest and I thought OK cool it’ll do for now.   I was asked to be there at 5pm and I waited and I waited until 5:30 and that’s when I left.  Because if you can’t be bothered to be there on time or at least make the effort to call me or your restaurant, that says a lot of things about you and they’re not nice.

I had one last interview today.  It was more of the same, but I got points for being honest.  No real loss there, the place is an hour away.  *Note to self, no more jobs in the mile end.

So that being said, i’m moving onto to other things I’ve had in the works for a few weeks.  Just need to finalize some details first.



Bitch please!

It’s rare that I post anything about work, however since I don’t have horrific dates to post about; work it is! I really just need to bitch. It’s my blog, I’m allowed so there!
I actually enjoy my job, most of the time. Lately it’s been loaded with major ball suckage. The cook we had (who sucked ass on several levels anyway) is no longer with us so my work load has increased exponentially (since I’m working both sides) while my patience has dwindled down to non-existent. I also don’t deal well with stupid.

We have a lot of replacement staff on hand right now and needless to say, it’s Fucking. Everything. Up.


So we have this one woman and I wasn’t impressed with her personality from the get go, but I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. She’s rude, loud, and obnoxious and has the poorest observation skills. She also mumbles & only speaks French. So that makes conversations with her interesting almost mission impossible…

I could go on about several of her fails but I’ll stick to just the one. So, today I’m at work in my kitchen de-boning salmon for lunch. So needless to say, my hands are covered in salmon slime.

Yeah I know that’s hot.

Anyway, she comes in and grabs a glass of water and I’m standing there doing my thing and she’s talking (mind you, she didn’t address me directly so I’m not listening) and I’m doing my thing ergo not paying one iota of attention to her because she could be talking to herself for all I know. Then I hear this:

EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I whipped around, wondering who in the hell she thought she was talking to ME like that IN MY FUCKING KITCHEN no less. Then she asks me this:

Pouvez-vous  passer le savon s’il vous plaît?

I just looked glared at her with the ultimate are you fucking kidding me look on my face.

Seriously? Are you blind? Or just really fucking stupid?

I’m clearly busy and my hands are covered in shit and you want me to pass you the fucking soap? Jesus Christ! One of these days, I’m just going to haul off and punch her in the damn face! I don’t know who she thinks she is, but honey I got news for your ass: I CAME FIRST AND IT’S MY FUCKING KITCHEN CUNT! SHOW SOME ME SOME FUCKING RESPECT BITCH.

 Never mind the fact that she had no business being in there in the first place, let alone washing her own dishes*.  Especially  when you’ve been working in one of the classrooms that have had an illness outbreak.  Sunlight ain’t going to cut it it sister.

I really need to get out of this industry before I accidently on purpose stab someone.  Common sense isn’t that common and you can’t fix stupid…  Yet people like that seem to flock to me.  WTF is it about me?!?  Seriously!

End rant,carry on.

*In case you’re wondering why doing your own dishes is a no-no at my job, it’s simple. Germs. Also people don’t know how to wash their dishes correctly and end up putting them back in the cupboard when they’re still wet and then it get’s all sludgy and moldy (true story, happened last summer. Awesome!) so while people may think they’re helping me, the reality is you’re not. So please, just don’t.  

Oh Montreal…

You slay me so, in so many ways but the real topper?

HABS fans.  They’re fucking nuts!

I used to live adjacent to downtown and I was really, really close to the bell center.  So close that when this riot broke out I could hear it from my apartment.  It was total chaos.  I’m all about standing up for causes that you believe in and protesting things that you feel are wrong with this world but Montreal would seem to top that.  At least in Canada.

I pay scant attention to politics, I respect the fact that French IS Quebec’s official language and I also respect their right to hold onto their culture.  It would be no different if I was to move somewhere else.  Like Egypt, Sweden, Saudi Arabia and so on.  I’m not ignorant like that.  Although the ignorance that runs rampant in this province in regards to separatism and the language laws ? Blows. My. Mind.  Clearly, we all can’t just ‘get along’.  In any case, I love this city, I love living here and I love the life that I have here as well.  However, when Jason Rockman posted this on facebook I was floored:

OK, I love the French language, I am a die hard Montrealer and am engaged to a francophone…but this??? Seriously?? These protesters can blow me…”

The Rockman of course is referring to this article and the Gazette did a lengthier article on this as well which was also posted on facebook with the caption:’   Is language important, or should the Canadiens win at any cost? What do you think?

My thoughts on this?  I could care less about hockey period.  I don’t care, I don’t follow games and I refuse to jump on the Habs fan bandwagon just because I live here.  It’s a game kids, or as my friend Ali said: ‘It may only be a game to some, but to the rest of us it’s like a religion on the weekends’.  Fair enough, I have my share of things that I’m passionate about too.  Not so passionate that I start riots and set things on fire, but still…

Here’s the thing, after doing a quickie bit of research, left wing player Erik Cole of the Montreal Canadiens, is AMERICAN!  Well, well…  I’m willing to bank on it that there’s countless others who are either not from Canada, let alone from this province.  Yet you give a shit if their coach is English?  You have got to be kidding me!  Hands down, Montreal has a good team.  Even I, the non hockey follower knows that.  It’s pretty hard to ignore when you live here.  However I’m willing to bet that if Montreal takes home the cup this year or anytime soon, you’re not going to give a flying fuck if the coach is English, French or Swedish for that matter now are you?

I’m thinking likely not… 

Here’s what a few people on facebook had to say about this:

Ken: Who gives a shit if the coach ONLY speaks English instead of joual? As long as they win, it doesn’t matter, t’se?

Theresa: wtf! What a bunch of crap. Who cares if he can’t speak frnech, have you been to Montreal? EVERYONE can speak English there anyway. (OK I’m going to interject and say almost everyone. Although most people can from my experience, even if it’s just a little)

William: I think that the future of French in North America would not be questioned if we paid as much attention to school drop out rates or functional illiteracy as we do to this kind of symbolic nonsense.

Jennifer: right – we should keep turning away the BEST Doctors, Nurses, Teachers, etc…. because they can’t speak french…. It boggles me why people accept it!

Derek: I read the Gazette and La Presse regularly. The blatant favortism of Francophones from La Presse, RDS, and the Quebec media in general is disgusting. I want a winning product that shows up to practice in Brossard and the Bell Centre for games. I don’t care if the coach is a bilingual Francophone or a unilingual Anglophone. I care about winning. Perhaps this is why the Habs have not been relevant since Patrick Roy was our goalie. I can’t speak for other Habs fans, but I do not ever want to see the faces of Mario Tremblay or Rejean Houle again.

Sandra: What ever happened to hiring the best person for the job? I am from Quebec, born and raised a francophone, and I don’t agree with the crap about the Mighty French attitude…I wish after all these years they would finally join the rest of us and give up on a francophone only-is-the-only-way attitude…

Billy: England’s national soccer team is coached by an Italian who speaks poor english… Do you see the English protesting at having their coach not speak English ? No.. only retards like Mario Beaulieu does….If i’m the habs I tell all thse losers who are still mad at this to F#$@ off

Cheyenne: I don’t hear them yelling ‘go habs go’ in french.

Franca: WTH. the sweet taste of victory is universal amd surely understood by all. Since when did jumping for joy from a well-deserved win say, “oui, on gagne en francais qu’en anglais?!” What if the guy were anything other than Anglophone, then what? Leave language issues out of hockey, svp.

Brian: The man was put in the position to coach the team (in a championship, winning fashion – not for his speech or linguistic skills!) … if he was from a winning Russian, Swedish, or Czech team, and couldn’t speak a word of English or French, but led the team to the Stanley Cup, would the ‘critics’ care?? No, of course not! Their complaints are purely anti-English, not about any abilities of the person. Disgusting, to say the least…

Matt: The political situation in Quebec is what has destroyed the Canadiens. You want a competitive team-not a political circus. Why is it when we have good English players they can’t get out of town fast enough. I’ve been a fan here in Wisconsin since the 1967 expansion but I don’t think I will live to see that 25th Stanley Cup.

Lucette: There are more important issues in Quebec to take care of.Ils y’a des choses au Québec à s’occuper qui sont plus importantes.

Dafne: In the meantime in Qc… food depots can’t be filled, unemployment rises, people with mental health issues has no treatment, there are no family doctors, the bridges are falling appart…should I continue??

And the list of comments goes on and on…  I personally think the whole nation could benefit from being bilingual in some fashion or another.  I understand the frustration, it’s no different for me being someone who’s first language is English and trying to communicate with someone who doesn’t speak it all and vice versa.  It DOES go both ways.  I get that.  But it’s been a political circus for far too long and dragging sports into this long debacle of non sense is really too much.

Even for me.  


In other news, I happened to stumble upon this.  Thought I would share.