Bittersweet endings, F.A.I.L, epiphany’s & other things…

Wow, that’s really all I have to say for the moment…  What a strange week its been around here!  Where in God’s name do I start?  There’s lots that’s totally worth mentioning so be prepared for one long ass post.  I suggest you grab some popcorn and get comfortable lol.

So lets backtrack just a little bit here…  A couple of weeks ago I sent a text message to someone at random and got a reply back saying “I thought you weren’t talking to me anymore” all because of something I had posted via my twitter newsfeed .  Which was (I’m assuming) something to do with my “date” with Ian.  OK first of all, I answer to NO ONE; that should be established from the get go.   So to sum that up, if I’m NOT your girlfriend then really I have no claims to you and you have zero claims to me.  Regardless of how much I may/may not like you, that’s irrelevant if you drop in and out of my life like a damn yo-yo.  I don’t care how busy you are, *if* I matter that much to someone, find the time.  It only takes a minute to at least make the effort even if its only a simple text message.

I get busy too, but I still put forth the effort, especially now.  You see I felt still feel guilty (a little less so now) when Jason died for not being there.  Mostly because I was a little too wrapped up in my own life to be there for my friend and now he’s gone and I miss him dearly.  Maybe that e-mail wouldn’t have made a difference and I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have but at least I would have known that I had put forth the effort to let him know that I was there and that I still cared.  Now I can’t do that anymore and its still very heartbreaking.  In any case, I’m still “free” to do what with whomever I choose seeing as how I highly doubt at this point that anything will ever come out of the situation that I’m referring to.

Even if I would prefer that it did (which I am not discussing)…  You never know.  Bottom line is this: I don’t think its fair for someone to expect me to put my life on hold for them because they’re too busy for me right now.  Yeah I get that work can be a time whore, but if you treat me this way now; how much of a difference would it make *IF* I was in fact that persons actual girlfriend?  That’s crossed my mind on several occasions in spite of that strange hold they have over me…  You snooze you loose!  Should have made the time if you end up missing out, at this rate I DON’T see that happening.   But still, if it does, they have no one to blame but themselves.   How is this relevant to what I’m about to post?  You’ll see in a minute, I’m getting to that…

So in my quest for a new job, which was an epic pain in my ass I finally nailed one!  I was starting to get a little concerned about that whole situation since I’d sent out countless (read 45) CV’s and didn’t get a call back and for the life of me couldn’t figure out why not…  Then it dawned on me, all of my job titles were “higher” up positions as in executive Chef, sous Chef and so forth.  Whereas most people are hiring cooks.  Yes there is a distinct difference between the two.  Mostly skills, qualifications, education and experience.

So I “dumbed down” my job titles and then all of a sudden, I become miss popular and people started calling THANK GOD!  Anyway had a job interview on Tuesday, job trial for said place on Thursday and got hired YAY!  I don’t think I start until Monday, waiting for that ever so elusive e-mail from the new boss to let me know!  No more getting up in the morning for me!  Although some of those shifts fall into the “relationship killer” category I’ll deal.  That’s the life of this industry and few understand it unless you’ve been a part of it before.

So Friday was my last day at Gryphon and its ending was bittersweet to say the least.  I met lots of great people & made some fabulous friends along the way while I was there.  But alas my employment there was not meant to be for a number of reasons, none of which I am going to disclose, since most people that I physically talk to already know.  In any case I had a long talk with my former boss and left on a positive note. Which was nice, its not that either she or myself are bad people.  I learned a lot and there were times when she really helped me out and I never forgot those times.  So in spite of how I left, I still went out and bought her flowers just to say thank you.

In the end, Jason’s death affected me in a number of ways that I didn’t even take into consideration.  So needless to say, things are going to change.  Hopefully for the better, perhaps not but I’ll never know if I don’t try.  Its been almost 2 months now since he’s been gone and it still hurts but not nearly as bad as it once did which is something I’m eternally grateful for.  I’m pretty sure I’ll always be emotionally retarded over the whole thing seeing as how his death was just so damn senseless!  But in any case, his death really made me re-evaluate a lot of things and put them into perspective for me.

So the other day I was getting waxed & I jokingly mentioned that I had a hot date on Friday ( I actually had a party to go to).  She says oh your single? Then we got to talking about random things associated with dating and what not.  I didn’t think much of it until someone passed a message onto me that so & so wanted to speak with me and could I please come in when I had a free minute.  I looked a little perplexed because its not as if my cosmetician and I have any type of “relationship” outside of pedicures and getting waxing done.  So I went in there, and joking said what are my eyebrows going to fall off?  She pulls me into the back room, says she has a favor to ask.  Long story short, a member of their family needs residency and wants ME to marry him so that he can stay here.  On paper only of course but its not that simple.  Granted I knew little about the immigration process until Carly moved to VW to be with her beloved.   In any case I know enough now to know that unless I actually want to be with someone that bad, its really far from worth the risk/responsibility/headaches that are associated with such matters.  Needless to say, that was really random & totally odd!

So let’s talk about this whole dating thing now shall we…  I went out last night and later on someone came over.  Doesn’t totally qualify as a “date” per say, we just hung out and watched a movie.  No in case any of you are wondering, I didn’t get any…  As much as I would LOVE to divulge the details of one rather amusing (to me at least, hugely embarrassing for him) incident I won’t because well, its just mean to do so.  However if you really want to know, feel free to ask and I will spill (no pun intended)! So I thought I should compile a list of things that have happened/been said throughout the years that would likely fall into the “dating don’t category” so read on kids, because this might save your ass and/or your date with someone.  Even more so if your going on a date with me 😉

  1. Its very sweet of you to compliment my tattoos.  However telling me if I was your girlfriend that you would love to spunk all over them isn’t exactly cool.  I really, hate being jizzed on!  I don’t like anything sticky for that matter.
  2. Have some sense of self control.  Apparently I’m pretty exciting to be around, but please try to contain yourself.
  3. If you think there’s a possibility that you might get laid & might not be able to withstand yourself for more then 5 seconds…  Jerk off at home, not in my bathroom!  Yes WE do notice these things, especially when you miss.  Thanks…
  4. Asking your date if you have condoms and when the reply is yes (most of us are responsible and prepared for just about anything, after all were woman) throwing your fist up in the air and screaming YES!!!!!!!!!!! Is NOT acceptable… EVER
  5. Yelling oh no stop, oh shit that was bad isn’t cool either.  Especially when we’re right in the middle of something.  Makes us wonder what on earth your problem is/what were doing wrong!
  6. Have a clue about how things work please!
  7. Virginity, chances are were not going to care if your a virgin (well I at least don’t but seeing as how I’m 31 chances are you’ll be in my age range and I will start to wonder) because its good to know!  Not only would we be the ones taking your “V” card, we wouldn’t make fun of you for lack of experience either.  Because we will, that’s just how it works.
  8. Don’t ask us to call/text you and then proceed to blow us off when we do, ignoring us won’t work!
  9. Relationships are like shopping for say a house or a car, we’re going to shop around for the best option in this case and that may not be you.  However its always best to establish exactly what your after BEFORE we allow you into our/your bed, let alone anywhere else for that matter.   That goes both ways of course.
  10. Pointing out that you have a raging hard-on and have every intention of jerking off when you get home.  That’s on a need to know basis and guess, what?  I DON’T need to know thanks!

I could go one, but suffice to say I’m sure I’ll find something to add to this list later on.

The truth doesn’t set you free…

Whomever came up with that statement should really get a kick in the face!  Honesty doesn’t always get you everywhere or anywhere for that matter.  You see I’ve been in this crappy culinary industry for 16 years now,  and have gained enough expertise through the years teamed up with a partial education to really truly call myself a Chef.  I’m quite PROUD of that, no reason why I SHOULDN’T be either if you ask me.  Thankfully all the hard work in the past has paid off and for the past few years I’ve managed to snag some pretty high end job titles and the responsibly that come along with it.  GO ME!    However after the soon to be loss of my current job and sending out well over 40 cv’s to places that were hiring (below my skill level mind you but with decent enough pay to cover my expenses and still have a  life) with very few phone calls in return I was starting to wonder.

But you see, after oodles of utter & EPIC frustration, something dawned on me after being told on numerous occasion that I was “over qualified” but thanks for applying anyway that it was necessary to lie on my CV about my qualifications read dumb them the hell down!  Very few places are hiring actual Chef’s/sous Chef’s and if they are chances are I’m not qualified enough since I don’t have my red seal nor do I plan on getting it even though i am more then eligible and have been for years or not ethnic enough with the added required languages of God knows what aside from the usual English/French.  So instead of saying I was the executive anything most of my job titles save for the exception of 1 sous Chef position because it was just too recent and I know that he would have said as much if called upon for a reference.   I simply replaced all my I worked my ass off for job titles to “cook” and well what do you know, all of a sudden I’m not so “over qualified” anymore.

So last night after occasionally returning to a particular “help wanted section” online and refreshing the page I put my sneaky ninja stalker skills to good use and nabbed myself a job interview this evening.  So I went and I had a much better feeling about this place then the one in Lasalle & that pointless interview I had in CDN as well.  It just seems more my deal so I talked to the executive Chef and I have a job trial on Thursday.  I LOVE the concept of this place, its not an actual “restaurant” per say.  You can “eat in” but their main focus is on gourmet take out & delivery and I’d be rocking the grill & saute which are the more “coveted” sections on a line since those are the ones that actually require some real skill as opposed to working any other one.

Which is slightly amusing since I was talking to Mat yesterday about my interview in CDN and how I was gravely insulted that A: It was a garde manger position and B the starting wage was $9.10/hour (I mean seriously are you kidding me?).  So I jokingly said there’s no way in hell that I’m going to be a glorified salad bitch for so little money and it really is the lowest rank on an actual line and usually the lowest paid job.  When Mat turned around and said hey, that’s my position at my restaurant.  *Open mouth, insert foot* good thing I have small feet and a big mouth apparently!  Thankfully Mat has a sense of humor (and laughed all the while defending his position) and well in my own personal defense he’s only been doing this for 4 years and I’ve been doing it for 16 so I feel slightly entitled to be a “title snob” of sorts.

I don’t know what the deal is with that place in Lasalle other then they have proven to be terribly un-professional for one thing and the line up they have (staff wise) is HORRENDOUS!  I’ve never seen so many things occur in my 2 hours of cooling my heels waiting for Domenic’s ass to show up(which he never did) then I think I have ever, with the exception of that one place that I worked at in the village briefly…  By briefly I mean I stayed for an hour and I quit.  So I’m not getting my hopes up but I actually kind of hope that I get this job that I had the interview at tonight, it just felt right and I like that!  Not only that, a few of the guys that work there are HOT!  Not that I would personally involve myself with anyone at work ever as a rule but hey, nothing wrong with some awesome eye candy to help pass the time 😉

Oh man…

Or I should say oh damn!  I’m not going to elaborate, I flat out refuse to “divulge” some details on here.  But let’s just say if things work out in my favor which needless to say they haven’t thus far…


Which is just as well, seeing as how this might be my last free weekend ever.  But I shall see…  In any case, maybe this is a sign that things are looking up for once?

Stay tuned 😉

PS: CC: I just may have some decent gossip for you ha ha!

*EDIT* Whilst in the middle of a rather awesome dream at 10:30 this morning I was jarred awake by the damn phone!  Once I realized it was Dominic from one of the interviews I had I was a whole lot less pissy so I have a job trial on Sunday morning!  He told me that he tried out 2 people so far, one failed miserably and one was only half good.  I can top that or at the very least attempt to.

So today I have a few “loose ends” to tie up with a few people.  Laundry has to get done *ick* hate doing my damn laundry!  The this evening is bound to be good if I get that phone call.  I shall see!

Debunking myths, rumours & other asst’ stuff…

So last night I stayed up a little later then usual because I was having the most random, although interesting conversation with Mike on the phone.  Which may I add (should he happen to read this) his roommate & I won a “bet” about the weather.  Would it snow before or after Halloween, we both said before (has to stick & stay white on the ground according to him) and well sure enough its fucking snowing!  Welcome to your first winter in Mtl Mike, your in a for a treat (Toronto ain’t go nufin on this place!) 😉

Anyway then as I’m about to go to bed, I get a text message at 12:07am out of nowhere that said:  “I need you to tell me more about the HSV  thing its freaking me out”.  HSV (Herpes simplex virus) should only raise cause for ANY type of alarm IF its

HSV-2 which is genital herpes (that sounds like a ton of fun! relationship killer) whereas

HSV-1 isn’t so bad because its nothing more then a cold sore *ahem*

So yeah said person (they know who they are and yes they do on occasion read my blog so no need to name names) apparently isn’t talking to me anymore because of a fucking cold sore I had two months ago.   Except said person needs to grow a pair and actually say so, I don’t go away that easily…  But yeah OK saying you have herpes is a hell of a lot more damming/cryptic/nasty whatever then saying you have a cold sore but guess what ladies & gentleman chances are that you have the virus too and don’t even know it! Its as common as a cold and easily spread and more often then not people come in contact with it in their infancy.  However its So flipping minor, well at least hsv-1 is, that there’s no legitimate reason to get your panties in a knot over it.

So yes while you can in theory get genital herpes from HSV-1 its STILL only the HSV-1 strain, NOT HSV-2 which is FAR more damming then HSV-1.  Its pretty simple, you have a cold sore/fever blister outbreak, keep your lips to yourself!  My Doctor & both my dentists told me that the only way HSV-1 can spread is *IF* you actually have an open cold sore, HSV-2 well again that’s a whole other story.  I honestly couldn’t imagine what on earth I would do if I ended up with this (its a tad graphic) all over my genitals *shudder*!  Christ I have a fit if I have razor burn, never mind anything else!

Thankfully, on the rare occasions I actually have a cold sore( I almost never get them, I’ve only actually ever had 3); I get uber paranoid about bacteria (well I already am, hate germs) but I kick the precautions up an extra 100 notches to make damn sure that the cold sore stays in the microscopic section of my lip and NO WHERE ELSE.    Not only that, I see my obgyn every 6 months and even though my sex life is non exsistant and has been for a while I still get my blood work done every 3 months just because I’m paranoid cautious, aside from the fact that I have to get regular stuff checked anyway (sugar levels & blah blah blah) because of that incident in the summer of my blood pressure being sky high & what not.   So I figure if your siphoning blood out of me anyway, might as well cover all the bases and thank God I am STD free and I WILL stay that way too!

So I think that’s just really a total cop out…  This “incident” occured 2 months ago and its only creeping you out now?  WTF?  Makes no sense to me, other then the one comment that they made in conjunction with me possibly being dissapointed (with what I STILL have NO idea).  Well I have some semblance of a clue I suppose based solely on an assumption due to a comment they made once a while ago.  I got news for them however, I have ways of finding things out (sneaky stalker ninja Steph) and they’re NO where near as hideous as they may think they are.  My opinion actually such as it is, not that it matters now anyway couldn’t be MORE opposite but whatever…  Ah sometimes I DO love the internet 😉

I am also not the only one who thinks this whole situation is ridiculous either( not only that but I expected a little more from them and thought they were smarter then that)…  Whilst gabbing gossiping/venting with a few friends on MSN, this was the ‘jist of it:
C i lack words in danish, Spanish, Swedish AND English to describe how low that is lol
D: He wont talk to you because of THAT? wtf?
Steph says:
I know! OHHHH I”M SO pissed!
C says:you should be..
Steph says: Thanks! Glad someone agrees with me!
C says:that’s just incredible lame lol i cant believe he ignores you because of some cold sores..
Steph: I’ve only had one in the past 5 years, likely due to the extreme stress of Jason dying, the time before that was about a month before I moved here and the time before that I was like 11
C says: damn >.<

So that being said, went on another job interview after work today.  Jason the actual manager was off somewhere so I was talking to the sous Chef and that was well “interesting” to say the least.  Bottom line for me on that Bistro job? Its an insult to my qualifications/bank account and my all around personal integrity as a whole.  So came home and applied for a few more that I know I’m not over qualified for (for a change!) and I need to call Dominic as well sometime soon to see about doing a trial run in his kitchen.  It was such a  sketchy interview though!  Not only that, a lot of time has passed between Saturday and today so I have my doubts but ain’t going to know squat unless you try.  So try I shall…  I’m running out of time here though.  My rent ain’t going to wait or anything else for that matter!

On a final note, my lovely friend and I have a long running inside joke about heels & fancy drinks 😉  So while doing a shoot, she was the first person I thought of (with someone else a close second) when I seen this image (well one of them anyway).