Monthly Archives: January 2010

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Changes…

With the downside, there’s almost always an upside right?  Well with the “issues” at work, not to mention us being closed for a few months in the summer due to our customer base being largely populated by students and all; I’ve decided to seek out another job.  Oddly enough I was telling D last week that if the right opportunity fell into my lap that I would most certainly take it.   I think that time has come…

I applied for a ton of jobs in October since I was leaving Gryphon and thankfully got hired on at my current job.  However one of the places that really interested me was a health club.  The money was pretty good, the hours were amazing and they called me yesterday!  So I called him back today and I have an interview of sorts to pop in and check everything out.  The interview was primarily conducted by phone so I think my coming in is really a formality.  D knows him as well and spoke very highly of him so that was also pretty awesome!  I actually have to be there soon, as in 9 hours kind of soon!  Because I start work at 3pm tomorrow afternoon and lunch service for him starts at around noon so wanting to be professional opted to go without some sleep and am dragging my ass in there early.

Well its not so bad, so long as that I leave at 10am and no later then that!  Strangely enough my horroscope thing which I read out of amusement but pay scant attention to said the following:

You have the Star representing you on this day, dear Stephanie, and that means that you feel balanced in yourself and radiant towards the outside world. In association with the Wheel of Fortune which symbolizes chance, your lucky Star is telling you loud and clear that you must seize the opportunities that arise, including any new love interest or possibility of a new friendship. Remember that it is through others that you can expand yourself. So don’t stay in your own four walls, get out and meet people. In your professional environment, you’re about to rediscover your freedom to act. It’s possible that a recent bad result has been limiting your options, but it’s now time to start working your way back. The alliance of the Tower and the Wheel of Fortune is offering you the opportunity to make a fresh start that will make you much more independent of the organization that pays you.

So who knows, maybe it will ring true?  It has happened on a few occasions.  Possible coincidence yes of course but in the same token, everything happens for a reason as well.  There’s been all kinds of opportunity’s that have sort of fell into my lap lately, all of them pretty great 🙂

So here’s to hoping for some good news!

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So…

Its almost 3am, insomnia seems to have me in its clutches once again.  Today yesterday has been quite the mishmash of emotions today.  I’m fed up, even so much as talking about my job is enough to make me want to tear out my hair…  You know I also hate when people assume that because I am a Chef I sit on my ass all day and watch the food network or play in my fucking kitchen.  Or when they see my tattoos, I’m automatically a Harley driving biker chick or a dominatrix WTF?  Could I be any moodier today?  Honestly?  I swear to God if you read the lyrics to Katy Perry’s hot N cold that pretty much sums up the emotional overload I had in one day.

Sunday, Sunday was to sum it up in one word: AMAZING!  So was Monday in the wee hours of the morning.  Seriously I could gush about that for hours but I won’t because I have more tact then that.  I needed it, but in the same token it might be my undoing as well…  I’ll just have to wait and see how that plays out.  In any case it was one of the best days off I’ve had in a really long time, I wish all my days rocked like that!

I miss Jason, I’m thinking this whole grief thing is still rearing its ugly head.  7 steps?  Are you kidding me?  Really?  Can we just fast-forward to the part where I’m even remotely OK coming to terms with Jason being gone? Please.  Yes I got myself a shiny new memorial tattoo and its beautiful and I love it and it has helped me to heal on a number of levels.  However at times like these, I need and want my best friend to be HERE not resting peacefully (or so I hope) wherever his poor tortured soul may be.  Yes its a selfish statement and you know what?  I don’t care because right now I feel like being a selfish girl!  I feel like I’m bouncing like a ping pong ball between steps 3 to 6…  You know kind of like beer pong, ping pong can get a tad boring.  I need to talk to him and spill my guts all over the place and have someone not judge me for feeling the way that I do…  That was the beautiful thing about him you know, that guy didn’t judge, didn’t assume, was super sweet and was there when I needed him the most.  Except for now, now he’s gone and today is one of those days where I’m finding it exceptionally hard to live without him. 🙁  Seriously, I thought I was done with this whole crying thing…  Well apparently not.

I hate my career, HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE it!  Seriously, my job has got me beyond stressed out!  I am past the point of kicking myself in the ass for waiting so damn long to get another degree in a different line of work…  I love cooking, the creative aspect of it, the props you get when people call just to comment on how awesome their meal was, the people I work with, the commentary and the inside jokes that you can only get in a pro kitchen.  Here’s what I hate in no particular order:

  • The Stress…  OMFG my blood pressure goes through the roof at the mere thought of going into work now.
  • The Drama, HOLY FUCK its worse then a super cheesy network soap opera except it would be called as our stomach turns.
  • The pay, seriously I should have became a porn star…
  • The bullshit, there’s just SO much of it!
  • The hours, OK Hi I can haz a life? Please?  Oh no not in the culinary world.  NO LIFE FOR YOU!
  • The thing that I hate the most? The person I have become because of it…  That’s the bottom line right there.  Its making me a very ugly person in a number of ways!

I am however looking forward to Thursday, drunken debauchery at its finest awaits!  That’s all I have to say about that right now…

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Douchebaggery! Among other things…

OK where can I start?  Really…  Thursday, a totally non douchey day!  I got to chill with the lovely Jen, Clint, Ron & Chantal before racing off to work for a few hours and then had a lovely gab with a very lovely person and her hubby.  So all in all it was a nice enjoyable day with good people & good conversation (thank you I needed that! <3).  Then Friday hit and everything just went to shit after that…  I get into work at 5pm as per the usual, nothing was too crazy but I had a feeling it was going to be “one of those days” all the while muttering I love my job…  Mostly to myself.  However sometimes most of the time I do in fact love where I work!  We have such a great team of people, lots of inside jokes, stupid little pranks and a pretty good atmosphere to top it off which is nice!  However culinary life, regardless of the role you partake in, isn’t for everyone either.

My co-worker seemed at odds but he’s still new-ish so that was the norm.  It does however get a little frustrating when you have to tell someone the same thing a 100 times.  If there’s something wrong with you IE: you have a learning disability or something then for the love of God SAY SOMETHING!  Anyway, its about 6:15pm I’m doing some dishes and general tidying up because Friday nights are usually pretty crazy and I wanted to be ready for the rush.  I happened to glimpse my co-worker sneaking out the door, thinking he was going out for a smoke.  Which irritated me to no end because we were only a little over an hour into service but whatever, gotta get your breaks in when you can right?  Then about 20 minutes roll by and I asked my manager if he could track him down because it was starting to pick up a little bit.  He left…  Didn’t say a word to anyone, just snuck out the back door and out the alley in the back and went home.  Are you fucking kidding me?!?

Thankfully two people rose to the occasion and came into bail my ass out along with my manager (thanks guys!  I really appreciated that!) and all in all Friday night in spite of loosing a staff member was actually pretty smooth overall.  Didn’t leave until 5am but it got done without any major mishaps.  So as much as that pissed me off, because that’s such a white trash, douchy thing to do; in the end it was OK.  So I went home, crawled into my uber amazing bed and slept soundly.  So then Saturday rolls around, poor D had to work to replace my MIA co-worker which had to suck but we got it done.  We were having a good time, Saturday in fact was full of fun, laughter and some really bad commentary.  I had high hopes in spite of working with yet another new guy who had only worked a few shifts.  We were having a great time…  That is until about 9-ish when the whining started.  I have ZERO tolerance for anyone who whines, especially a 19 year old law student…   Asking me for a break when you’ve only been there for 2 hours, TWO HOURS?!? Are you kidding me?  So whatever I figured he might as well take on now because if it got busy then the chances of him getting one at all were pretty nil.  Still irritating though just the same.

Then the nagging started…  Can I go home? No.  Why not? Because I said so.  and on and on it went.  This kid was really starting to get on my nerves!  Then it got busy, it got to the point where I was SO frustrated I wanted to cry.  It takes a lot to get me to that point…  I was so tired, I just quite simply couldn’t take it anymore!  I didn’t know if I was coming or going, my co-worker well there’s only certain things he knows how to do and I tell ya sneaking out that backdoor was MORE then a little appealing to me.  If you know what I mean.  So I texted my immediate boss to make him aware of the situation and well to air out some frustration while I was at it.  I also mentioned to the owner who was working that night that I needed stronger help on the busiest days.  I mean seriously, we broke a fucking sales record last night!  Strong staff IS required!  What did he do? Shrugged it off and bacially gave me a look that said:”what do you want me to do about it?” FUCK THAT!

So I’m out…  I can’t do this anymore.  Culinary life has been my life since I started working.  Its whoring up all my time, making me bitter, jaded and so. very. angry.  I am going back to school but I wanted to pare down my Visa bill a little bit first but you know what?  I don’t think that I can wait any longer…  So in the meantime I am “exploring” other avenues outside of my career field that can tide me over until I get my BA, hell even a diploma would suffice at this time.  Which sucks so hard because I love where I work!  The stress, the bullshit and the drama however is enough to make me want to throw myself in front of a bus!  When you walk out of work needing some Valium its time to go…  I’m going to miss that place though when I go 🙁

On a random note, I really miss Jason!  So much!  I also miss being in school…  Who knew?

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Lovely changes

So I think, stress the term think that maybe I’ll have a plan for this whole school thing.  Hopefully one that is not only affordable, but realistic enough to not compromise my already insane schedule already.  Because as much as I love doing that Chef thing I do, its high time I got out before I tear out every single strand of hair on my head or go totally postal.  I could see either of those happening.  In any case I have hit up every single college and university that offers distance learning because the thought of parking my derriere in an actual classroom seriously lacks appeal to me!  All in due course, I have a long list of things that I want to acomplish first so all in due time.

However there’s been several other things that have crossed my mind that I can do in the immediate/near future so you know what?  I’m going to do them, quite simply be cause I can therefore I will 🙂  The way I see it, why repress one self when you can express yourself.  I’m amazed at how much my way of thinking has changed and evolved since I moved here.  Or perhaps its because I’m older and all those “young adult” hang ups I had are now gone?  Meh who knows and quite frankly I don’t think anyone actually cares.  I’m also looking forward to some much needed social interaction with some good people!  Its sad that my friends and I have so very different lifestyles and schedules that more often then not cause some serious conflict when it comes to that sort of thing.  I’m meeting Jen for lunch tomorrow and I can’t wait!  I LOVE spending time with her!

I have a short shift so taking advantage of that in every way I can!  Work has actually been dare I say, pretty awesome the past few days!  After the staff meeting we had, it seems like for the most part were on the same page and have a common goal which is awesome.  Not only that I happen to work with some really great people who make me laugh non stop.  So that’s a win situation right there!  I’m also looking forward to the saintwoods four year anniversary party.   Its going to be awesome to go out, get utterly wasted and just have on hell of a good time!  Finally something that isn’t on a weekend IE Friday/Saturday that I can actually attend, fabulous!