March | 2014 | Tales from the bathroom stall

I am really, truly starting to develop an even deeper seeded hatred for mankind.

Who in the hell thought that was possible?!?

We live in a world where people are nothing but giant, ungrateful twatwaffles and I am calling your ass out on it.

I decided to go back to school. I’m currently juggling a full time job and college. Just for fun, i’m throwing university in the mix as well.

I LOVE being an over-achiever.

Almost about as much as I love being an asshole, but I digress.

So I took a camera basics class, it’s a fantastic introduction to all kinds of photography bits and pieces and great for anyone who wants to have better knowledge of their camera and see if maybe, just maybe commercial photography is for you.

I loved everything about it.

Except for one person.

Because let’s face it, there’s ALWAYS one.

ALWAYS!

So we did a round in studio (fucking amazing day) and the group consensus was that we would exchange pictures when we were done. Fair enough, it’s good experience which is the whole point.

That is until you nag the ever loving shit out of me to give you your pictures in the middle of our last class, which was Photoshop. So you know, in other words, one that was worth learning.

Nagging me is one thing.

Nagging me when I have PMS?

Ohhelltothenoyoujustdidn’t!

Nothing says klass like screaming: ‘calm your tits bitch i’ll give you your fucking pictures!’

I have some really nice shots of this ungrateful CUNextTuesday but I purposely gave her the shitty ones because i’m petty and spiteful like that. There was a few passable one’s in there but I was rushed, using a MAC (so foreign to me) on top of other things and she says to me, only give me one’s I can use. I can’t use these.

The fuck you say?

Oh hellllllllllllllllllll no.

Well I want a nice picture for my website, I need a picture I can use.

No. Just no.

Twatwaffle.

An open letter to my nephew who turned 18 today.

Dearest Dustin.

I remember when your mom told me she was pregnant with you.

Instant Joy.

I was SO excited, I couldn’t wait for you to arrive! I took your mom and dad out to Mr. Sub and your mom got the most disgusting concoction I have ever seen. I still lived at home and your mom and dad lived next door and I was the one who answered the phone when your mom called in the wee hours of the morning panicking because she was pretty sure that her water broke and she couldn’t pee and could I please get mom.

I was fortunate enough to be let into the delivery room minutes after your arrival, which technically wasn’t allowed but the rules were bent for me that day and I remember the first time I held you in my arms. Your dad was glaring at me because I was hogging you and had a real hard time giving you back. I absolutely adored you from that moment and that’s one thing that hasn’t changed.

I promised your parents that I would be your guardian should something happen to them. I was honored that your parents asked me to be your God mother and I stood before all of our loved one’s and God as I promised to do everything I could in my power to help you, to guide you, to protect you and most importantly to love you no matter what.

I never, ever go back on my word.

I’ll never forget the time you asked me about being gay, which also led to a discussion about adoption all the while wondering where on earth your mother was! Ha ha >.< We (your mom and I) still laugh about that to this day and about how mortified *I* was.

When you were small, I used to sing you are my sunshine and that has proven to be true all these years. No matter how rough things got, I could always count on you (and your sister when she arrived) to brighten my day and to remind me of how blessed I truly am. Through the years there’s been some insane ups and downs. Lot’s of sleepover’s, trips to the park, ice cream, hugs, tears, joy, frustrations and times when I was sorry and very angry that I couldn’t be there with you to take the hurt away when I moved to Montreal. Just remember my dear heart, death before dishonor. I promised you and your sister that I wouldn’t ever hurt you.

I will beat the snot out of anyone who dares to hurt the love of my life.

I can’t believe that you’re 18. *I* was 18 when you came into this world and you have turned into a remarkable young man and I am so proud of you and the man you have become and I can only begin to imagine what an outstanding man you’re going to become. Here are some pearls of wisdom and there’s some more here and some more here. There’s a lot of validity in those pearls of wisdom. Cherish them.

The only piece of advice I wish to leave to leave you with is this: Be true to yourself, because at the end of the day that’s who you have to live with. I’ll love you no matter what. xoxo

You are my sunshine. I’ll love you forever, i’ll like you for always. As long as i’m living, my nephew you’ll be. <3

All my love, Aunt Stephie