I’ve read several, rather poignant blog posts by people who wrote letters to the sixteen year old selves. Kind of brings to mind: If I knew then, what I know now, right?
Well I thought about this long and hard and what, given the opportunity, I would say to myself back then.
A lot of people reflected upon a lot of things. Relationships and their overall appearance taking the top two places.
My past is somewhat sketchy, full of a lot of turmoil, angst, sex, drugs, alcohol and a ton of other things that gave my mother gray hair, a friend of mine a reason to say I told you so and lots of other people to reflect that they didn’t know and had they known they would have done something. Except there’s a reason they didn’t know.
I chose not to tell them.
Very much like I’m choosing not to tell you or anyone else now either at this moment.
Because it makes people in my life and even the ones who are not, emotionally unstable. It brings forth pity, sympathy, looks of shock and wide eyed horror among other things. I don’t need that, certainly don’t want it and neither do you.
As I reflect upon my life which is something I’ve been doing a lot of lately; I do wonder what life would have been like had I taken a different route, not dated the same boy for seven years of my life that were the most crucial of my growing up (15-22), not met some of the people I have and done some of the things that I have done. What if I had gone right instead of left or vice versa?
Not that I did either of those things, I took an ATV and created my own path.
So I wonder to myself, what if I had taken a different path? Would I be the same person that I am now? What would I have been like had I gone a different way? I’ll never know, what I do know now however is that if I was to meet my 16 year old self now at the age of 32 I would tell myself this:
- You’re going to fuck up a lot and drive your mother insane with having to save your ass. She will however because she loves you and someday you will appreciate that in a way you can’t grasp now and she’ll be your best-est friend, your biggest ally and be really, really proud of the person you’re going to become.
- Your stubborn, ornery ways will eventually pay off.
- Everything happens for a reason, so live it up, make mistakes (you will learn from them), take really ridiculous chances and love every damn minute of it. They’re the best years of your life, but the really good stuff is yet to come!
- Everything that you’re about to go through will be worth it, someday.
- Your going to accomplish some really, truly amazing things that are going to blow your own mind and everyone Else’s too while you’re at it.
A lot of people ask me if I have any regrets or if I could do it all over again would I?
You know what?
I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
Sounds insane to the people who know me, but in retrospect it got me to the here and now. 17 years later after all of the shit I’ve been through I’m proud of the person I am, I love me for who I am and I accept me for who I am because:
That’s who I am supposed to be.