Yes, they all tie in together.  Really 🙂

I was out having breakfast this morning when I over heard the person behind me ask the guy at another table if he had a cigarette.  Other person smugly replied, you got a quarter?  To which he said nope, sorry I do not.  Again with the smugness \’I guess not for you then\’.  I sat there thinking, what a douche bag.  What if that was you and you had no smokes, no money and wanted one?  So I\’m sitting there thinking, this guy is innocently sitting there with his coffee and the thought crossed my mind, what if that was me? Also being a smoker and coffee drinker, they both go hand in hand.

I reached into my purse, pulled out a cigarette and handed it over no questions asked.  His face lit up and he said to me\’ Well that was un-expected, thank you!\’  He looked so happy!  That was nice, because I knew that he truly appreciated the gesture and he didn\’t even ask me.  He also wasn\’t a douche bag about it either.  Sometimes a random act of kindness can make someone\’s day suck a little bit less.

Then I went off to the clinic and to my delight and surprise, it was almost empty and I got to see the Dr. within the hour. We discussed my previous attempts on trying to quit and whether or not this was ideal for me.  I was impressed with her professionalism and the fact that she took the time to educate herself about my past history (even though I have a different Dr. within the clinic) and educate me about taking a slightly controversial smoking cessation drug.  I\’ve gotten some criticism for deciding to go this route and before I get more allow me to fill everyone in on my previous attempts to quit:

• Cold turkey was a bust on numerous occasions.  No matter how determined I was, I always ended up failing.  Although I know numerous people who have quit this way (including my mom) and I salute you for it.  I also admire your dedication and determination as well.  The longest I made it was 24 days.  Then I caved.
• The patch: Gave me nightmares, made me break out in a rash and several other things.  Needless to say, it wasn\’t ideal for me.  That\’s fine, it\’s -NOT- for everyone.
• The gum: my father used this method to quit and has been smoke free ever since.  I tried it once, it burned my mouth and the taste, good lord it was so awful that there was no way I was doing it again!  That\’s fine, it\’s -NOT- for everyone.
• Laser acupuncture.  Again this worked briefly, and I think that if I was to do it again it -would- work.  Except the only Doctor I trust to perform this procedure is really far out of the way and hard to get to as well.  I think had the circumstances been different (at the time, it was less then a month after Jason killed himself and I also lost my job) and less stressful then I might have made it.  I had a friend who went to the same Dr. and she held out for 3 years until she had to go on a plane for the first time and figured that one cigarette couldn\’t hurt.  But it did.  She\’s still a smoker today.
• Homeopathic remedies: tried that too and needless to say, it was a FAIL.  That was back in high school.
• Zyban: That. Was. Hell.  Insomnia was the worst.  I didn\’t sleep for days, I worked these insanely long shifts instead so while the money was good, it wasn\’t worth it.  Zyban is something that I would strongly recommend against actually.  It really was THAT horrible.

I\’ve smoked for 22 years now.  It\’s NOT an easy habit to give up.  In the past two years alone (never mind what happened prior to this) I\’ve had to deal with:

• Several friends’ committing suicide.
• PTSD
• Depression (which thankfully has been \’cured\’ through therapy).
• A slumlord/an apartment that I hated with every fibre of my being!
• various personal issues that are simply too private to include here.

All in all, a lot of emotional battles.  I\’m tired of fighting and while I know this isn\’t going to be easy, it\’s my last ditch attempt. Needless to say, I am terribly addicted to nicotine.  I need help, this HAS. GOT. TO. STOP.  I have debated taking this drug for a really, really long time.  I\’ve made a point to do my own research, I grilled my Dr. and two different pharmacists about this drug.  ALL of which took the time to answer all my questions and concerns about taking this drug and how to offset any side effects which aren\’t pleasant to deal with.  However if it helps me to quit smoking, then I\’m ALL for it!  The side effects also force me to live a healthier life, I need to consume more water and eat better to help offset some of the side effects so there are a lot of pluses to be had.  Also the success rate is high and that also gives me hope!  Especially since I am at the end of my rope.  I went to my regular pharmacy and it\’s closed on Sunday\’s so I said to hell with this and went to another one.  Also picked up TP on sale, which is awesome because I was out & it\’s the good stuff.  Also got a sweet deal on my prescription as well!  With the RAMQ aka provincial prescription plan accepting this drug I only paid $28.00 for a 2 week supply, can\’t beat that!

So I\’m not saying that there -is- a magic cure to quitting.  You have to -WANT- to quit, which I do.  I hope that this time is my time to do so.  For those of you that have managed to quit by other means, good for you!  I\’m truly happy that you found a method that works for you.  They didn\’t work for me, c\’est la vie.  If you feel the need to be all smug and self righteous about it, then you can go fuck yourself.  After I high face you in the face with a baseball bat.  For real 🙂

However if you want to encourage me, even if you don\’t agree with my method of quitting.  Please do, I need all the help and support I can get and I will willingly accept it.  There is no right or wrong way to quit, the important thing is finding something that works FOR YOU.  I hope that this works for me as well as it has for others!

All I can do is try and that\’s exactly what I\’m going to do!