Ciao 36

And so a new chapter begins…

I turned 37 yesterday.  I got up and the first thing I did was sit there and just think long and hard about what a long, strange and exhausting journey it’s all really been.  Looking back on everything up until this point, I would have to say that so far 36 was the hardest and challenging years I have ever had.

  • I lost my job of 4.5 years due to petty betrayal.
  • I lost my father to cancer/COPD.
  • My childhood home, the only home I have ever known has been sold.  I spent my last night there on June 9th 2015.
  • People I thought were friends have come and gone and other people I just needed to let go because of their toxic behavior.
  • I got thrown under the bus more times than I care to count because people don’t have the guts, nor the integrity to admit that they did wrong and I somehow ended up paying for their mistakes and their lies in more ways than one.
  • I’ve seen far too many people I love suffer a similar heartbreak as mine when it comes to loosing the ones you love, especially a parent.  Which is a special kind of hell like no other.
  • My OCD and Anxiety is by and large the most crippling it has ever been and that’s legit scary.

And yet 

  • I went back to school to finally pursue my dream of being anything but a Chef.  So I consider myself officially retired from the industry.
  • I have learned to accept that it’s OK to be anything but.
  • I was reminded once again that you don’t know how strong you are until it’s the only option that you have left.
  • I have embarked on my photography journey and discovered a love of digital art along the way.
  • I have learned to put myself first.  It’s not selfish, it’s a basic human need.  I refuse to apologize for that.
  • I have learned who I can truly count on when I need someone the most.  I’ve always kept my circle small and I am thankful that I have made good choices when it comes to the people I love and I have had to walk away from a few people for no reason than they take up precious space in my head and I can’t and won’t make space for that.
  • I take so much more joy in simple pleasures and take time to smell the flowers, laugh more, be silly, be crazy, being ME.

There is so much more I can add to this list, but I won’t.  It’s all going to be OK.  Not today, but someday.  Like Rachel Platten said: I might only have one match, but I can start an explosion.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.