{"id":674,"date":"2010-02-22T17:11:24","date_gmt":"2010-02-22T22:11:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/?p=674"},"modified":"2010-02-24T12:43:26","modified_gmt":"2010-02-24T17:43:26","slug":"the-train-wreck-saga-continues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/?p=674","title":{"rendered":"The train wreck saga continues…"},"content":{"rendered":"

OK so no I have no real reason to complain (kinda), I could be in Haiti<\/a> right now.\u00a0 Not to be totally ungrateful because you know, for the most part I have it pretty damn good.\u00a0 At least in some regards…\u00a0 There is one \\”situation\\” (for lack of a better term) that I have 0 intentions of complaining about because well its awesome<\/span> extraordinary ;).\u00a0 However on the not so awesome side of things…\u00a0 Work (do I talk about anything else?) yeah got my schedule yesterday and I have a whole two shifts.\u00a0 TWO!\u00a0 WTF?\u00a0 Max is on vacation and aside from Darren *I* have the most seniority hello!\u00a0 So I have five freaking days off of work, not so awesome when your not expecting them, and when you had four days off the previous week as well.\u00a0 SCREW YOU READING WEEK!\u00a0 Hopefully I get a call back from the daycare I applied to on Tuesday.\u00a0 Yeah me, working a daycare.\u00a0 That\\’s beyond hilarious!\u00a0 I will however be the executive Chef, in charge of snacks and meals for 80 birth control failures <\/span>adorable little children.\u00a0 Don\\’t get me wrong, I don\\’t hate kids.\u00a0 I love anyone Else\\’s<\/em> children.\u00a0 Its also quite similar to the work I did at Concordia so its not like its foreign to me.\u00a0 Oh and to top it off, I forgot to top up my damn phone and lost the killer plan I had grandfathered in.\u00a0 Shit!\u00a0 So yeah no text messages from me today, must call virgin and make sure I get my text pack back. <\/span>Done!
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

We shall see what happens though in the meantime.\u00a0 In any case I can\\’t afford this, so I\\’m thinking prostitution<\/span>,perhaps looking for a new job.\u00a0 Mostly I want to go back to school, badly.\u00a0 Yeah I know, WTF is wrong with me?\u00a0 Ask my mom how many schools I got kicked out of (Hi Mom, I love you!) *yes, my mommy reads my blog*. <\/em> However being an adult changes everything.\u00a0 Age to me isn\\’t relevant.\u00a0 Age really is just the numerical definition of how many years you\\’ve been on this earth, it does not denote how many years you\\’ve lived<\/em>.\u00a0 Physically I\\’m 31, can pass for 24 on a good day but I\\’m old on the inside<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I came to this conclusion yesterday whilst sitting there in my jammies, reading a book and drinking a glass of wine that was a gift from a lovely friend while waiting for someone\\’s arrival.\u00a0 Then out of no where I was hit with this innate sadness, I. miss. Jason. a. LOT.\u00a0 Its been almost 6 months and while it does get easier to at least cope some-days it just hits me out of nowhere.\u00a0 Yesterday was one of those days.\u00a0 I sat there and I was feeling like I was half in bag (I wasn\\’t but you know that feeling?) and I really had to fight the urge to cry.\u00a0 Normally I don\\’t, however due to said arrival I really didn\\’t feel like being sad\/sit there crying because that\\’s just a little more then I\\’m willing to give right now.\u00a0 They know (about Jason & the emotional train-wreck it made my life), more importantly it wasn\\’t strange, nor upsetting to sit there and talk about it and say out loud that I missed him because I do.\u00a0 Tremendously.\u00a0 Doesn\\’t mean that I\\’m OK with letting them<\/span> anyone seeing me cry.\u00a0 Old habits die hard, what can I say?<\/p>\n

A Memory Hug<\/em><\/strong> <\/em> Author Unknown<\/em><\/p>\n

Your loss has left a hole in your heart.
\nThat never goes away\u2026
\nyou learn to live with it.
\nWith acceptance of the loss and
\nchanges in your life, the pain lessens.
\nEventually memories fill up the space,
\nbut it never goes away.
\nThen, when you least expect it,
\na memory spills out of the hole
\nin your heart and washes
\nyou clean again with tears.
\nThink of it as a Memory Hug<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I feel like I\\’m being corrupted, kinda<\/em>.\u00a0 I\\’m OK with that, because you know what?\u00a0 Change isn\\’t always a bad thing and sometimes its worth it to just go with it and not worry about something horrific happening.\u00a0 Maybe it will, life offers no guarantees ever.\u00a0 Its not a matter of being pessimistic because I\\’m far from being a pessimistic person, I prefer the term realistic because that\\’s one thing that I most certainly am.\u00a0 Its something that I accept because it makes me smile.\u00a0 Totally damages my reputation, but that\\’s our little secret \ud83d\ude09\u00a0 Its new to me, so I\\’m feeling it up<\/span> out and going with it.\u00a0 I like being told that they can be honest with me because they feel I\u00a0 can take it\u00a0 and I generally respond in kind.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because I know that they too can take, respect it, appreciate it for what it is.\u00a0 So do I, that\\’s a beautiful thing on so many levels.\u00a0 I\\’m not used to it, but I like<\/span> love it.\u00a0 Everything happens for a reason, and you know I have no idea what that reason is and I don\\’t care<\/em>.\u00a0 Its sublime, can\\’t be topped but if I could bottle it and sell it, I\\’d be a millionaire.<\/p>\n

So in spite of the stupid, somewhat insignificant things that have happened in the past 8 days thus far; I have close to twenty hours of reasons to have a smile on my face.\u00a0 That is exceptional, much like them.\u00a0 If that\\’s the good I need to take with the bad, then please bring it on!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OK so no I have no real reason to complain (kinda), I could be in Haiti right now.\u00a0 Not to be totally ungrateful because you know, for the most part I have it pretty damn good.\u00a0 At least in some regards…\u00a0 There is one \\”situation\\” (for lack of a better term) that I have 0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,4,55,29,42,51,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-674","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-jason","category-life-as-i-know-it","category-stephs-junk","category-totally-bad-ass","category-we-have-fun","category-win","category-work"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/674","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=674"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/674\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=674"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=674"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=674"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}