{"id":934,"date":"2010-06-04T18:39:05","date_gmt":"2010-06-04T22:39:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/?p=934"},"modified":"2010-06-04T18:55:29","modified_gmt":"2010-06-04T22:55:29","slug":"im-breaking-up-with-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/?p=934","title":{"rendered":"I\\’m breaking up with you!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Grief<\/strong><\/p>\n

How have you been doing?\u00a0 Hanging out, making my life miserable?\u00a0 Anything else new and exciting?\u00a0 I just wanted to let you know that we\\’re done.\u00a0 Yep you read that right, its over<\/em> between you and me.\u00a0 I have good things in my life and some seriously bitching people as well.\u00a0 Yet there you are hovering above my sub-conscious mind like the most epic natural disaster waiting to strike someone<\/span> me dead.<\/p>\n

Except I\\’m not going to let you.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\\’m tired of you bringing me down.\u00a0 I don\\’t like you, as a matter of fact I can\\’t say I ever did.\u00a0 I don\\’t hate anyone or anything.\u00a0 As a matter of fact I accept that you will turn up in my life once again.\u00a0 However next time can it be for a reasonable explanation?\u00a0 Not because one of my friends decided that it was OK to play God and in turn break mine & countless other people\\’s hearts.\u00a0 That would be fabulous.\u00a0 I hope that isn\\’t too much to ask for.<\/p>\n

I decided that I want my life back, so you know what?<\/p>\n

I\\’m going to take it. <\/em><\/p>\n

Sincerely, Steph<\/p>\n

Dear Broken heart,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I think it\\’s time you and I had a chat about this whole being broken thing.\u00a0 It\\’s pretty sad when I can say to someone :\\”You can\\’t break my heart because it\\’s already broken.<\/em>\\”\u00a0 I have a problem with that, not to mention feeling dead inside.\u00a0 So you along with your friend grief, no longer have a place in my life anymore.\u00a0 I know you and that bastard grief will team up and invade my life once again.\u00a0 Possibly you\\’ll just show up on your own making me wish that I was a little girl again because:<\/p>\n

Skinned knees are easier to heal then a broken heart.<\/em><\/p>\n

However times have changed and I need to move on.\u00a0 I\\’ve gathered up all the pieces that are left, knowing that it will never look\/feel\/be the same again.\u00a0 I have learned to accept this for what it is because there\\’s nothing I can do to replace the pieces that were destroyed in your last crusade.\u00a0 I can however take a long hard look at the pieces that are<\/em> left and possibly make them resemble something spectacular.\u00a0 Oh I know that you\\’ll come around one day again and destroy my work of art that I have spent the better part of 9 months slaving over.\u00a0 However in the meantime, I can take what I learned from this whole experience and turn it into something meaningful, special and beautiful.\u00a0 You can\\’t take that away from me.\u00a0 Even if<\/em> its only that way to me.\u00a0 Because really I\\’m the only one who matters<\/em> in this relationship anymore.<\/p>\n

I however have news for you; aside from some extreme circumstances I don\\’t think that it\\’s possible for me to ever hurt that much ever again and I am more then OK with that as a matter of fact.\u00a0 Because I got through this and even though I totally underestimated the possibility of actually dying from a broken heart, I now fully acknowledge that it is entirely possible. <\/em><\/p>\n

Only if you let it. <\/em><\/p>\n

I however can\\’t let you do that, so this is where you and I part ways.\u00a0 We are done and when the time comes that you and I shall meet again I might not be ready and I sure as hell won\\’t be waiting but I\\’ll know deep down that somewhere, somehow I\\’ll make it through and come out on top.\u00a0 Somewhere, somehow I will<\/strong> find the strength.\u00a0 I can\\’t let you defeat me, it\\’s a matter of principal really.<\/p>\n

Drop dead.<\/p>\n

Love, Steph.<\/p>\n

Dear people in my life who suck,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I guess I should \\”man up\\” and tell you all of this separately face to face but that takes too much time and effort.\u00a0 You see I\\’m busy trying to live again.\u00a0 Refer to Dear Grief, Dear Broken heart if you don\\’t understand this statement.<\/p>\n

Quite simply, you have proven to me that you have no place in my life anymore.\u00a0 That\\’s right your actions or lack thereof have brought you to this point.\u00a0 It\\’s really not anything personal, I just decided to do a clean sweep.\u00a0 You see after September 3rd 2009 my life changed drastically.\u00a0 You weren\\’t there for me when I needed someone the most.\u00a0 Perhaps what I went through scared the shit out of you, that\\’s fine.<\/p>\n

Try living through it.<\/em><\/p>\n

I have since discovered that the people who belong in my life are the one\\’s who will let me indulge in my tears and offer me their shoulder to cry on.\u00a0 The one\\’s who wouldn\\’t let me sit on my ass at home and cry because they were too worried to leave me alone and out of their sight.\u00a0 I\\’m glad they did, those days were some of the happiest times I have ever had and I\\’ll cherish them.\u00a0 The people who stuck by me as I slugged through the worst period of my life and didn\\’t run off because I had far too much emotional baggage yet they still recognized that I had space left for them in my life regardless.\u00a0 The one\\’s who reminded me and continue to remind me that Rome wasn\\’t built in a day, who wholly support my foundation to honour the passing of one of the most selfless people I have ever had the privilege to know.<\/p>\n

The people who encouraged me when I said I was breaking up with grief, the people who told me that it was still \\”new\\”\/hadn\\’t been that<\/em> long and it was OK to cry, scream and yell.<\/p>\n

Those people are the people I want<\/strong><\/span> in my life.\u00a0 People who in spite of myself somehow love me to pieces even when I know personally that I\\’m a hard person to love, even the one\\’s that don\\’t; I still know that they\\’ll stand by me and care.\u00a0 Which is exactly<\/em> what I need the most.<\/p>\n

Which is why we are done now.\u00a0 I\\’m sorry it had to be this way, however actions will always speak louder then words to me.\u00a0 Its been your actions that led me to this decision and I\\’m not sorry that I had to let you go because you were sadly just weighing me down.\u00a0 I hope you understand that I refuse to drown.<\/p>\n

Here\\’s to no more failing in life,<\/p>\n

Steph<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Grief How have you been doing?\u00a0 Hanging out, making my life miserable?\u00a0 Anything else new and exciting?\u00a0 I just wanted to let you know that we\\’re done.\u00a0 Yep you read that right, its over between you and me.\u00a0 I have good things in my life and some seriously bitching people as well.\u00a0 Yet there […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[64,30,3,60,61,26,59,63,56,58,51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-934","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-deep-thoughts-with-steph","category-family","category-friends","category-good-things","category-inspirational","category-jason","category-jasons-memorial-foundation","category-just-saying","category-love-3","category-mr-almost-perfect","category-win"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/934","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=934"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/934\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=934"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=934"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/modologyworld.net\/steph\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=934"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}