of the twisted sort…
Enjoy! 😉
WTF (not funny, more so just kind of wrong)
Much thanks to LA for sending this to me! (NSFW due to usage of the word vag)
of the twisted sort…
Enjoy! 😉
WTF (not funny, more so just kind of wrong)
Much thanks to LA for sending this to me! (NSFW due to usage of the word vag)
So I think I have thought of the best possible solution to le problem that I seemingly have…
Kill them with kindness, it makes them wonder what your up to.
No seriously, I do need to get this off my chest, along with a few cup sizes…
If I manage to do so without yelling and screaming that will be quite the impressive testament to my skills I have to say. Yeah I know its not what you say, but more so how you say it.
I just hope I recall it all
Sometimes my short term memory fails me, not when I actually want it to.
Of course.
Usually when I am trying to illustrate a really important point, then I forget half of what I was going to say and then I have to bring it up again because my OCD just refuses to let things like these go.
I am also thinking that I might be having a mid life crisis. Totally plausible, I\’ll be *cough* 32 *cough* soon and well seeing as how a majority of my family drops dead dies from some hideous form of cancer passes onto to the after life if there even is one around 64 or so with a few exceptions, that would in fact put me at the halfway mark which is mid-life no?
BRING IT ON!
not so down with the sickness. As a matter of fact, I hate being sick period.  So. Damn. Much.
I\’m one of those stubborn pain in the ass types who will still cook you dinner in spite of the fact that I\’m vomiting. Yeah for real, that was last weekends lovely gastro incident. I just couldn\’t give in.
Being sick makes me want to crawl into a whole and die, want my mommy, wonder how dare germs even think its OK to invade my body.
You see I was blessed with bronchial asthma. So while most people will only get the common cold, mine travels south and takes up all the precious space in my lungs. Its like a free-loading house guest that has over-stayed their welcome and refuses to leave.
I also hate being one of those people who runs to the doctor every time they have a runny nose. So I generally suck it up and spend copious amounts of my precious hard earned money on OTC pills that I damn well know I\’m not supposed to take.
Oops my bad!
I still do it anyway because I need to work & I can not work around food while coughing up gobs of goo from anywhere in my body. Although this time around was quite the learning experience! Did you know that snot also comes in orange? This was news to me, believe it though. I seen it, it came out of my own nose.
Most of that crap has Dextromethorphan in it. Asthmatics and people with various other diseases aren\’t allowed to have anything with DM in it because it gives you a false sense of wellness while its really hardening the goo inside your lungs. I know, awesome right? Coughing to the point where you vomit is even more awesome, trust me on this.
So there I am thinking that I was finally starting to get over this abundance of crap & out of no where my sinus infection made a not so triumphant return. I was a little bitter needless to say.
So like every other damn time I get a cold, I get deathly ill. Awesome coughing spasms that made him & my mom cringe. After being damn near nagged to death several suggestions from concerned individuals to go see a Dr. which I relentlessly refused to do. I caved. Mostly because I promised him that if it got worse, I would in fact go see a Dr. Because my Dr. Lambert\’s cough syrup just wasn\’t cutting it (also not nearly as effective as an inhaler according to him). Well it was to a degree, because after two days even though I was coughing non stop, the phlegm was coming up with the force of a freight train on speed.
So was my dinner.
However on Easter Monday after having to bail not only on him (twice), but my friend Jen as well I said fuck it and went to the clinic. Mostly because when I woke up that morning my sinuses were blocked like no one\’s business & when I made a lame attempt to breathe through my mouth I sounded like a coffee maker when its almost finished brewing. Yeah I know, healthy isn\’t it? That was a little disconcerting. So after waiting three hours to see a Dr. for all of oh I dunno maybe 7 minutes I scored some heavy duty antibiotics & much to my chagrin a damn inhaler.
I must say that my 10 pills for the price of $30.00 dollars (co-pay) have started to work their magic. The infection itself is gone & I now have the energy to dance around my living room in my underwear work, do some housework and you know function.  Ah but this inhaler and I are going to be BFF\’s for the next month.
FUN!
The infection may be gone, the inflammation however is sticking it out. This inhaler scares me. I was told by Dr. Converse there (he was wearing Chuck Taylor\’s, I respect that) that failure to rinse out my mouth after using this inhaler would lead to tongue fungus.  AKA Thrush or even better: a yeast infection in your mouth. That sounds about as much fun as having one between my legs. Although it just sounds so much sexier don\’t you think? Mmmmmm I can see it now: \” What do you mean you don\’t want to kiss me? It was you who suggested I get an inhaler honey.\” That\’s a total turn on right there!
At least this Dr. didn\’t have a \”sweater\” and sitting in the clinic for three hours wasn\’t nearly as amusing as sitting in the ER with Carly Cakes  for at least 8 hours after pulling a muscle from coughing so hard. That time was even better, I was sporting a mask listening to her say wait for it, no, no, wait for it and then bust out singing the chorus to easy lover, dancing in the chair while we ate crap out of the vending machine out of sheer boredom, as I tried not to cough to death from laughing so hard. At least she makes being sick fun & she brought me Arahova\’s (from the WI location, one of our favorite places) and that\’s one of the many reasons why I love her & miss her so! <3
I attacked my apt. with gusto using Lysol wipes, and other disinfectant things to kill the germs. Now that I finally get to see him again, I just might spray his ass down with Lysol as well.
Just in case 😉
Instead of posting a total downer post (ta da!) here\’s some useless, although highly amusing (to some) links.
Enjoy 😉
Natural harvest (hmm, wonder if I should add this to my recipe book collection?)
Puby panties? (not entirely safe for work or children) Who designs this stuff? Seriously!
A killer top ten thanks to Twwly!
The most random lawsuit ever!
That\’s quite the er tramp stamp you got there…