Category Archives: Family

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Meme: My Faith, My Tattoo

I seen this via Ania\’s blog while reading her latest post and since a lot of people are very curious about my tattoos, I thought I would finally satisfy everyone\’s curiosity.

For a change.

\”Background information:  Adam J. Copeland is a pastor conducting  informal research for some Christian youth curriculum addressing tattoos.  Adam’s also taking a grad school class on cyberculture.  This meme combines these interests, and hopefully will help him thoughtfully consider getting a tattoo himself.  So, please, pass on the meme below….\”

Meme:  My Faith, My Tattoo

In a few sentences, respond to the questions below — respond on your blog, on this blog, on Facebook, wherever. When you’re done, share, tag a few friends, and pass on the questions.  If you post this somewhere else, keep the title, “Meme: My faith, my tattoo” for easy searching. For background on what the heck a “meme” is, see this article.

1.  Describe your tattoo(s):

OK, I have a lot…  so I\’m posting a gallery instead.  Otherwise this blog post would be pages and pages long…

2.  What made you want that tattoo(s)?

I\’ve always wanted one! Being an artist and very creative as a child, tattoos have held a fascination for me for as long as I can recall!

3.  How did your faith influence your tattoo, indirectly or directly?

I don\’t think it was religious faith that influenced them at all. Tattoos for me are art therapy and spiritual to me in the sense that it enables me to heal.

4.  What’s the relationship between your tattoo and your broader understanding of your body?

Aside from coming to the realization that my body can be used as a living breathing canvas? None. It (tattoos) have given me a broader understanding of myself and the ability to heal.

5.  Was it worth it…do you have regrets?

Was it worth it? Absolutely! I have no true regrets, although I do wish I put more thought into placement when working on my back piece back in the day when I started getting work done. Tattoos are rapidly becoming an incredible art form and I have seen several awesome tattoos that extend across one\’s back top and bottom. So as it is, I will either have to get some serious cover up work done or try to find a way to include it in the design itself.

6.  What funny story has happened because of your tattoo?

I was forbidden to get a tattoo until I was out of the house. So the minute I was out on my own, away I went. My father had a fit of epic proportions! My mom, she was less then pleased I suppose. Although both have come to the understanding that tattoos for me are a way to express myself and my life story through carefully chosen images. Now they both get tattooed at the same place I do in ON along with my sister! My mom comes along with me when I get tattooed and I love it, it\’s a great way for us to bond 🙂

7.  How did your tattoo change your faith (and if not, why not)?

I won\’t get into my views on faith as that is always a subject of serious debate, ridicule and several other things. So no I wouldn\’t say that it changed it per se. Although it has enabled me to have more faith in myself and the ability to heal mentally & emotionally as well.

For a more detailed description of my tattoo gallery, it\’s after the jump!
For background on how this meme started, see Adam Copeland’s blog at http://adamjcopeland.com

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TATTOO MANIA!

Oh before I get on with the whole tattoo thing…

In case anyone wants to purchase my book, I advise you to wait 🙂  I\’m trying to get in touch with a publishing company based out of North Bay, ON and they\’re FAR more reasonable then blurb is.  I like blurb, it gave me total creative control, but when I got my book I was a little dissapointed in the total overall execution of it all.  So I\’ll keep you all posted when I get that all worked out my dear friends and foundation supporters!

Anyway, here\’s a quick pictorial of my slightly scabby tattoos.  I\’ve been waiting for decent weather to get outdoor shots because my camera is a piece of crap from being dropped too many times and just not so new anymore.  I\’m curious to see what everyone\’s thoughts on them are before I go and explain them all 🙂

I would now, but the family is leaving tomorrow (Thank you God!) I love them, but I really, really want MY space back all to myself you know?  I live in a small-ish one bedroom apt so space is at a premium and I would give my left leg & arm to have a guest room when company is here!

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I\’m breaking up with you!

Dear Grief

How have you been doing?  Hanging out, making my life miserable?  Anything else new and exciting?  I just wanted to let you know that we\’re done.  Yep you read that right, its over between you and me.  I have good things in my life and some seriously bitching people as well.  Yet there you are hovering above my sub-conscious mind like the most epic natural disaster waiting to strike someone me dead.

Except I\’m not going to let you.

I\’m tired of you bringing me down.  I don\’t like you, as a matter of fact I can\’t say I ever did.  I don\’t hate anyone or anything.  As a matter of fact I accept that you will turn up in my life once again.  However next time can it be for a reasonable explanation?  Not because one of my friends decided that it was OK to play God and in turn break mine & countless other people\’s hearts.  That would be fabulous.  I hope that isn\’t too much to ask for.

I decided that I want my life back, so you know what?

I\’m going to take it.

Sincerely, Steph

Dear Broken heart,

I think it\’s time you and I had a chat about this whole being broken thing.  It\’s pretty sad when I can say to someone :\”You can\’t break my heart because it\’s already broken.\”  I have a problem with that, not to mention feeling dead inside.  So you along with your friend grief, no longer have a place in my life anymore.  I know you and that bastard grief will team up and invade my life once again.  Possibly you\’ll just show up on your own making me wish that I was a little girl again because:

Skinned knees are easier to heal then a broken heart.

However times have changed and I need to move on.  I\’ve gathered up all the pieces that are left, knowing that it will never look/feel/be the same again.  I have learned to accept this for what it is because there\’s nothing I can do to replace the pieces that were destroyed in your last crusade.  I can however take a long hard look at the pieces that are left and possibly make them resemble something spectacular.  Oh I know that you\’ll come around one day again and destroy my work of art that I have spent the better part of 9 months slaving over.  However in the meantime, I can take what I learned from this whole experience and turn it into something meaningful, special and beautiful.  You can\’t take that away from me.  Even if its only that way to me.  Because really I\’m the only one who matters in this relationship anymore.

I however have news for you; aside from some extreme circumstances I don\’t think that it\’s possible for me to ever hurt that much ever again and I am more then OK with that as a matter of fact.  Because I got through this and even though I totally underestimated the possibility of actually dying from a broken heart, I now fully acknowledge that it is entirely possible.

Only if you let it.

I however can\’t let you do that, so this is where you and I part ways.  We are done and when the time comes that you and I shall meet again I might not be ready and I sure as hell won\’t be waiting but I\’ll know deep down that somewhere, somehow I\’ll make it through and come out on top.  Somewhere, somehow I will find the strength.  I can\’t let you defeat me, it\’s a matter of principal really.

Drop dead.

Love, Steph.

Dear people in my life who suck,

I guess I should \”man up\” and tell you all of this separately face to face but that takes too much time and effort.  You see I\’m busy trying to live again.  Refer to Dear Grief, Dear Broken heart if you don\’t understand this statement.

Quite simply, you have proven to me that you have no place in my life anymore.  That\’s right your actions or lack thereof have brought you to this point.  It\’s really not anything personal, I just decided to do a clean sweep.  You see after September 3rd 2009 my life changed drastically.  You weren\’t there for me when I needed someone the most.  Perhaps what I went through scared the shit out of you, that\’s fine.

Try living through it.

I have since discovered that the people who belong in my life are the one\’s who will let me indulge in my tears and offer me their shoulder to cry on.  The one\’s who wouldn\’t let me sit on my ass at home and cry because they were too worried to leave me alone and out of their sight.  I\’m glad they did, those days were some of the happiest times I have ever had and I\’ll cherish them.  The people who stuck by me as I slugged through the worst period of my life and didn\’t run off because I had far too much emotional baggage yet they still recognized that I had space left for them in my life regardless.  The one\’s who reminded me and continue to remind me that Rome wasn\’t built in a day, who wholly support my foundation to honour the passing of one of the most selfless people I have ever had the privilege to know.

The people who encouraged me when I said I was breaking up with grief, the people who told me that it was still \”new\”/hadn\’t been that long and it was OK to cry, scream and yell.

Those people are the people I want in my life.  People who in spite of myself somehow love me to pieces even when I know personally that I\’m a hard person to love, even the one\’s that don\’t; I still know that they\’ll stand by me and care.  Which is exactly what I need the most.

Which is why we are done now.  I\’m sorry it had to be this way, however actions will always speak louder then words to me.  Its been your actions that led me to this decision and I\’m not sorry that I had to let you go because you were sadly just weighing me down.  I hope you understand that I refuse to drown.

Here\’s to no more failing in life,

Steph