Pre-wedding hilarioty

OK so my lovely friend Jen has finally caved is finally getting married!  By finally, I mean if you ever met these two you would throw up in your mouth a little at how truly awesome they are together and after years of convincing, nagging and pleading (that was mostly me) with Jen, she finally decided that life was too damn short (because it is) and finally said YES!  I am certain that I wasn\’t the only one who said its about damn time!

Here\’s le happy couple:

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Yeah Clint never smiles, seriously never.  I have however seen the guy laugh so its not all lost right?  Anyway Jen has some major health issues and while planning this wedding, any thoughts of a wedding shower/bacholorette party somewhat got flung to the wayside because we were all far too busy being worried sick about her and stuff.

So in the end we decided we were taking her out for dinner, then as her cousin Corina said dessert.

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Clint\’s comment was my favorite 😉

Dinner was FUN, our server must have thought we were on crack or something because strange things happen when you put 11 woman together in one place.  99% of them not being prudish…  No impromptu bacholorette party is complete without a blinking penis pacifier and these which ours were clear and may I add, not the best thing to be drinking daiquiris out of either…  I didn\’t realize our server was behind me as I was jamming my fork into the tip of this thing and when Corina asked me what the hell I was doing, I promptly replied:\” The hole is too damn small and no matter how hard I suck on the damn thing, nothing\’s coming out of it.\” Then Alex said to me, well that could be taken out of context in a number of ways.  He was fun, our neighboring tables, not so much…

Of course pictures to capture moments of sheer debauchery at best 🙂

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After dinner wrapped up, we headed off to club 281 for dessert as Corina stated or more so I\’m thinking a killer headache and a slight waste of money.  Although it did have its moments I must say.  Since its May and spring and summer weddings are hugely popular there was several bacholorette parties in the works that evening.  Upon our arrival Jen\’s look of horror as to where we were taking her was priceless!  Then things didn\’t get much better when some random dude tried to get in with us.  WTF?  Men are allowed in, pending they have a woman to accompany them.

This guy obviously didn\’t have one and tried to hone in on our party.  I told security at the front that he wasn\’t with us and glared at the French tard that tried to con a way in.  Needless to say, he got kicked out before he even got in the door.  Having never set foot in the place prior to last night, I didn\’t know what the whole deal was.  Coat check girl (Marie-Piere)  was a total, epic bitch.  Yeah obviously your pissy about the gaggle of screaming 20-somethings in their stilettos and tiara\’s but no need to be such a twat because you can\’t ogle over naked men.  Cos honey let me tell you, you ain\’t missing much.    We got there somewhat late so the place was already packed and our seating arrangement was less then ideal to say the least.  Here\’s a picture jacked from 281\’s facebook page just to illustrate how sucky it truly was:

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We were in the upper level off to the far side, couldn\’t really see much from that point of view.  Not to mention all the stupid bitches that kept standing in our way.  To add insult to injury, we were directly positioned in front of the spotlights that were pretty much blinding 90% of the time and in order to keep your seat your required to buy at least one beverage, alcoholic or not.  WTF, their prices BLEW my freaking mind!  I know bars aren\’t cheap but 6 bucks for a 250ml bottle of fancy water?  Yeah I know…  Here\’s their price list if you think I\’m exaggerating a little.

Speaking of which, our server was MIA and trying to track him down to pay our bill was a chore in and of itself!  We could have totally pulled a drink n dash but were honest people and paid up.  Hardly worth it, seeing as how it cost so damn much.  Anyhow all was not totally lost…  Seeing as how it was a bacholorette party and all, well a lap/table dance is pretty much mandatory right?  The look on Jen\’s face was EPIC to say the least!  Too bad camera\’s weren\’t allowed because that was a Kodak moment and then some.  So here\’s the guy that Corina being the good cousin she is picked out for Jen:

\"\"In case you haven\’t had enough, here\’s another one 😉

\"\"Jen was dumbfounded and speechless for the most part.  Although she did comment on how nice his tattoo was, and when it got to the point that he pretty much looked like this:

\"\"her facial expression wasn\’t nearly as joyful as the woman in the picture!  She looked so totally grossed out I thought she was going to vomit and to top it off, when he started flashing his ass in her face and smacked it hard enough to make quite the amount of noise she jumped half a foot out of her chair!  Jen\’s mom had her face buried in my arm, Corina and I were debating if we could get away with the whole \”no touching the dancers rule\” is we just smacked his ass with the whip and everyone else seemed to look away.  I mean really, way to suck the fun out of that ladies!

So to their credit, they do make an effort to put on a decent show, which is considerably better then Huggies, which might be closed now for all I know.  I\’m not into the whole strip club scene, having only visited one previously in my hometown I thought I would at least make an effort to keep an open mind.  I guess full on nudity is an option because I along with my guests seen a whole lot of pretty boys running around topless and flashing their butt cheeks but only 2-possibly three of them actually bared it all.  I might go again, I think my mom would get a kick out of it.  I am however going to go on a Thursday when the admission is lower, and earlier so I don\’t get a migraine and a sore neck from trying to get my money\’s worth 😉  Besides I\’d rather see him naked, its a whole lot more appealing, well to me at least!

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Yeah but its MY labia!

I know, I know I\’m talking about vag again.  This time however its not mine, its someone Else\’s.  While I do maintain a somewhat active role in the \”modification community\” at large, my participation has lessened quite a bit.  Unless of course I am talking about my own work.  After all, it is my blog.  I also try to avoid drama at all costs, but like I said to Mr. A.P. last night:\” I don\’t seek out drama, but I seem to attract quite a bit of it\”.  Which is why I was debating writing this post at all, however seeing as how I choose to comment on Ania\’s mod related blog I guess I somewhat brought some of that drama into my life?  Anyway, it all started with this.  Now I could link endlessly to the pissing contest that has ensued since then, however I honestly can not and will not be bothered.  However I do feel compelled to share my $5.00 on the topic of how much is too much?

In terms of body modification that is.

I misunderstood Russ Foxx\’s quote \” But most doctors won\’t perform these types of procedures, said Russ Foxx, a body-modification specialist in Vancouver. \”That leaves us in a predicament. Who do I go to?\” he said.  Foxx said he learns how to perform procedures from talking to veteran practitioners, reading books and traveling to conventions.\”  Whereas I commented on Ania\’s blog that I call bullshit because most plastic surgeons will in fact perform cosmetic surgery on one\’s vag.  Ear pointing, tongue splitting (and so on) not so much.  I get that, as in the whole where do I go? Because like most of the educated modified people I know personally do an insane amount of research before progressing with anything regardless of whether or not its deemed \”experimental\” , high risk or whatever or not.  If you are modified, then you can understand/comprehend and relate to this.  Essentially, its what makes US happy at the end of the day.  We do it because we want to, for a number of reasons.  The bottom line is this: If you want something/anything bad enough you will seek it out actively until you get.  Some of us will spare no expense or take ridiculous risks and some of us will take the time to seek out a trusting, educated individual to preform the work we seek.  Tattoos, piercings, scars whatever.

However there is also a lot of stupid people out there as well.  I can\’t help but agree with Steve Peace to a degree when he said:\” Where do you stop?  I\’m a tattoo artist, not a Dr.\” OK fine, I\’ll give you that.  If it bothers you that much, then by all means stick with tattooing then.  I also agree that there IS in fact a lot of people who claim to know what the hell they\’re doing (they don\’t) and I for one know of a few people who really don\’t have the training or the skills to be pulling off a lot of what they do.  Yes a labia reduction, ear pointing, tongue splitting to name a few do fall under the surgical category.  Most modification artists aren\’t Dr.\’s of any shape or form, however its not as if she went in for breast implants either.  OK slightly contradictory yes, however regardless of whether its a Dr, your best friend, your tattoo artist or some dirt-bag in a back alley doing your stuff the risk factor is always there.  How high that risk factor is really depends on what your getting done and how controlled the environment that your in is as well.  Not to mention the cost factor as well.  I was told by her that she was quoted 4 grand by a surgeon, that\’s a lot of coin to make your vag look nice to your satisfaction.  Some people are willing to spend that kind of money, others not so much.  Some people can\’t simply find someone they trust enough that\’s a professional surgeon to do the work or whatever the reasons are.  Wether you are getting plastic surgery or a tattoo, you\’re altering the way your body looks forever.

I happen to know of said person in question.  I\’ve never met her personally, however I am quite familiar with and totally support her shop.  I\’m from Ontario and spent a lot of time in Guelph so maybe my loyalty stems from that.  In any case  I am however also a woman & I can totally relate to looking at certain body parts and loathing their overall appearance in general.  I personally tattoo them.  I was dead against getting my sleeves started until my arms were more toned.  Then I said fuck it, now I\’m sporting some awesome in progress sleeves.  Why?  Because to me its taking something you deem \”ugly\” and turning it into something beautiful.  I also have my pubic mound tattooed, not entirely for the same reasons mind you, but I get it.

Now for ME personally, I don\’t have the proverbial balls do get my vag that modified as in a surgical manner.  Christ I had a hard enough time  getting my VCH done!  Never mind someone toying with my bits with a scalpel (I am shuddering inwardly, as is my vag).  However, this individual had the guts, the research, not to mention a trusted individual on hand to go through with getting it done.  I can admire that and you know I am rather curious about the whole procedure as whole just because I\’m a curious person.

Continue reading

There are NO words…

Instead of posting a total downer post (ta da!) here\’s some useless, although highly amusing (to some) links.

Enjoy 😉

Natural harvest (hmm, wonder if I should add this to my recipe book collection?)

Puby panties? (not entirely safe for work or children) Who designs this stuff?  Seriously!

A killer top ten thanks to Twwly!

The most random lawsuit ever!

That\’s quite the er tramp stamp you got there…

Douchebaggery! Among other things…

OK where can I start?  Really…  Thursday, a totally non douchey day!  I got to chill with the lovely Jen, Clint, Ron & Chantal before racing off to work for a few hours and then had a lovely gab with a very lovely person and her hubby.  So all in all it was a nice enjoyable day with good people & good conversation (thank you I needed that! <3).  Then Friday hit and everything just went to shit after that…  I get into work at 5pm as per the usual, nothing was too crazy but I had a feeling it was going to be \”one of those days\” all the while muttering I love my job…  Mostly to myself.  However sometimes most of the time I do in fact love where I work!  We have such a great team of people, lots of inside jokes, stupid little pranks and a pretty good atmosphere to top it off which is nice!  However culinary life, regardless of the role you partake in, isn\’t for everyone either.

My co-worker seemed at odds but he\’s still new-ish so that was the norm.  It does however get a little frustrating when you have to tell someone the same thing a 100 times.  If there\’s something wrong with you IE: you have a learning disability or something then for the love of God SAY SOMETHING!  Anyway, its about 6:15pm I\’m doing some dishes and general tidying up because Friday nights are usually pretty crazy and I wanted to be ready for the rush.  I happened to glimpse my co-worker sneaking out the door, thinking he was going out for a smoke.  Which irritated me to no end because we were only a little over an hour into service but whatever, gotta get your breaks in when you can right?  Then about 20 minutes roll by and I asked my manager if he could track him down because it was starting to pick up a little bit.  He left…  Didn\’t say a word to anyone, just snuck out the back door and out the alley in the back and went home.  Are you fucking kidding me?!?

Thankfully two people rose to the occasion and came into bail my ass out along with my manager (thanks guys!  I really appreciated that!) and all in all Friday night in spite of loosing a staff member was actually pretty smooth overall.  Didn\’t leave until 5am but it got done without any major mishaps.  So as much as that pissed me off, because that\’s such a white trash, douchy thing to do; in the end it was OK.  So I went home, crawled into my uber amazing bed and slept soundly.  So then Saturday rolls around, poor D had to work to replace my MIA co-worker which had to suck but we got it done.  We were having a good time, Saturday in fact was full of fun, laughter and some really bad commentary.  I had high hopes in spite of working with yet another new guy who had only worked a few shifts.  We were having a great time…  That is until about 9-ish when the whining started.  I have ZERO tolerance for anyone who whines, especially a 19 year old law student…   Asking me for a break when you\’ve only been there for 2 hours, TWO HOURS?!? Are you kidding me?  So whatever I figured he might as well take on now because if it got busy then the chances of him getting one at all were pretty nil.  Still irritating though just the same.

Then the nagging started…  Can I go home? No.  Why not? Because I said so.  and on and on it went.  This kid was really starting to get on my nerves!  Then it got busy, it got to the point where I was SO frustrated I wanted to cry.  It takes a lot to get me to that point…  I was so tired, I just quite simply couldn\’t take it anymore!  I didn\’t know if I was coming or going, my co-worker well there\’s only certain things he knows how to do and I tell ya sneaking out that backdoor was MORE then a little appealing to me.  If you know what I mean.  So I texted my immediate boss to make him aware of the situation and well to air out some frustration while I was at it.  I also mentioned to the owner who was working that night that I needed stronger help on the busiest days.  I mean seriously, we broke a fucking sales record last night!  Strong staff IS required!  What did he do? Shrugged it off and bacially gave me a look that said:\”what do you want me to do about it?\” FUCK THAT!

So I\’m out…  I can\’t do this anymore.  Culinary life has been my life since I started working.  Its whoring up all my time, making me bitter, jaded and so. very. angry.  I am going back to school but I wanted to pare down my Visa bill a little bit first but you know what?  I don\’t think that I can wait any longer…  So in the meantime I am \”exploring\” other avenues outside of my career field that can tide me over until I get my BA, hell even a diploma would suffice at this time.  Which sucks so hard because I love where I work!  The stress, the bullshit and the drama however is enough to make me want to throw myself in front of a bus!  When you walk out of work needing some Valium its time to go…  I\’m going to miss that place though when I go 🙁

On a random note, I really miss Jason!  So much!  I also miss being in school…  Who knew?