Category Archives: Dad

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2015 wrap up

\"1003242_734298300034136_8194264915489910123_n\"It\’s been one hell of a year. I\’m not sad to see it be over.

1. What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?

Went to a bunch of cities that I had never been to. Graduated from university. Went camping with Nick (not the first time camping of course, just the first time together). Took my first flight.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I haven’t bothered with them in years.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My cousin\’s girlfriend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. My father passed away on Feb 28th.

5. What countries did you visit?

Sadly I haven’t left Canada in a long, long time.

6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

Being able to communicate in French on a more functional level. Be more focused.

7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

February 28th. The day my father passed away.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Graduating university with honors.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not taking better care of myself.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes. My depression and anxiety have returned with a vengeance, but i\’m doing what I can to be kind to myself.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A signed print from my favorite artist.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Nick’s, that boy is nothing short of amazing.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My sister.

14. Where did most of your money go?

School & my wedding.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Planning my wedding 🙂

16. What song will always remind you of 2015?

Hozier, take me to church.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

I am mostly sadder, fatter and richer in a non monetary way.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Practicing my craft (photography), reading more, learning more.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Being distracted, housework.  Wasting time on things/people/places that didn’t really matter.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

I was in Ontario with my family & friends and it was awesome! I had an exceptional Christmas this year!

21. Did you fall in love in 2015?

Every single day. <3 Nick so very much

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey’s & The big bang theory

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yes. I wouldn’t go far as to say hate but more despise I think would be appropriate.

24. What was the best book you read?

I haven\’t read much this year that merits any mention.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Can’t say I have one of those.

26. What did you want and get?

Time with the people I love the most.

27. What did you want and not get?

A miracle.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Inside out and home.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 37 and had a small, yet fun gathering with family.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not being in debt and having better mental health.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Yoga pants, hoodies and t-shirts.  I live for comfort.  Especially when I spend so much time taking pictures, editing and sitting in a classroom.

32. What kept you sane?

-My friends, most of my family. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them this year! I am so very fortunate to have such amazing people in my life!

-Photography.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

That’s not my style, I could care less about that sort of thing.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The election.

35. Who did you miss?

Jason as always.  Nick when I’m on the road without him. My dad.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I can’t pick just one, but I’ve met some really great people this year!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015.

That some people will stop at nothing to try and make you look bad.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It\’s always darkest before the dawn

And I\’ve been a fool and I\’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I\’m always dragging that horse around

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One last trip…

I had this crazy urge to blog, i\’m on a bus that just left Kingston en route to Toronto so this stirkes me as rather absurd.
As most things in my life seem to these days.

My dad dad passed away at 1:24pm on Feb 28th 2015 and that was the catalyst of a massive shitstorm that left myself and several people I care about emotionally devestated and simotaniously crippled at the same time.

This isn\’t about that though.
This is about the house.
My dad\’s hosue specifically, my childhood home.
I don\’t begrudge my mom for selling the place, in fact if I was in her shoes I would do the same.
Yet, I feel lost in a way.

Yes, it\’s just a house, but it was the house that everyone knew.

More importantly, it was the only house that *I* knew.
I came home from the hospital to this house and my tiny room upstairs was always mine, even when I shared it with my sister for many years.

No matter how crazy my life would get, there was always the big white house on King street that everyone knew and it was the place that I would always come to when I would make the long trek from
Montreal to Ontario.  No matter where I was, no matter what I was doing or what shape I was in, there was always a place for me there..

So many memories contained within those walls…

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Tick-Tock

\”3 months, maybe a year, no one really knows for sure.\”

This is what my mom said to me the other day when she called to update me on the situation with my dad.  The prognosis was never good, however I (and most likely him and a few other people) thought that we had more time and suddenly it would seem that there isn\’t nearly enough.  The emotional roller coaster I am on right now is my worst nightmare.  Today is an angry day.  Fucking doctors and their need to make money at seemingly any cost.

What ever happened to the oath that Doctors are supposed to take.  You know the one where it says:

\”Whatsoever house I may enter, my visit shall be for the convenience and advantage of the patient; and I will willingly refrain from doing any injury or wrong from falsehood, and (in an especial manner) from acts of an amorous nature, whatever may be the rank of those who it may be my duty to cure, whether mistress or servant, bond or free\”.

Evidently none of that matters if the person you\’re treating is going to die sooner rather than later.  Except that stupid radiation treatment (that I always thought was pointless) ate up time.  Time that should have been spent with family and friends, cherishing those last moments.  But no no, that cancer \”needed\” to be treated.  Doesn\’t matter that your patients lungs are so riddled with a fatal lung disease that the tiny cancer tumor that wasn\’t even a inch long, just HAD to go.  Had to bust out that biopsy \”just in case\”.

Oh hey, maybe we can do a lung transplant, except we can\’t because you\’ll die on the table from the anesthetic because your disease is too far advanced. Too late for you because your family doctor is a useless twat who ignored your constant stream of lung infections and wrote them off as \’nothing\’.  We\’re going to give you a radiation treatment to kill the cancer cells and in doing so, we\’re going to destroy your immune system.

You\’ll have an amazing Christmas with your family but that will be short lived because of the radiation treatment.  You\’re going to end up with a vicious lung infection that will almost kill you in your sleep, yet you managed to get yourself to the hospital just in time.  Now you\’re completely dependent on oxygen 24/7 because we\’re doctors, we have God complexes, we\’re greedy as fuck and don\’t give a flying fuck that you\’re family is going to be the one\’s who are left to pick up the pieces while we steal your dignity and your life.

I have no words.  NONE.

Although I can only hope that karma bites them in the ass or they get struck by a bus.  Can\’t suck away all my hope, it\’s not much but right now it\’s all I have.

This is a game changer, because now there\’s an actual time limit and time?

It goes by too damn fast and it scares me to death.