Category Archives: funnies

by

Randomness!

Start my new job on Wed, have Friday off and a whole lot of crazy insane shifts to look forward to, YAY!  Went shopping today and got the most adorable red wool jacket EVER and I LOVE it!  Along with some other nifty stuff that I don\’t feel as compelled to mention.

I\’m also pondering a decsion of sorts in regards to someone…  But yet I still can\’t seem to totally make up my mind just yet but I\’m thinking if something doesn\’t happen and soon, that\’s going to be a total deal breaker.   Part of it *isn\’t* \”control-able\” due to schedule conflicts and what not but still after a while the whole \”good things come to those who wait\” tends to loose its luster.  I do give them credit for trying at least!  Yet in the same token to coin a phrase from the song (which adds a touch of irony to the situation for reasons I won\’t disclose) beautiful by the smashing pumpkins:\” And I\’m sure you know me well, as I\’m sure you don\’t.  But you just can\’t tell, who you\’ll love and who you won\’t\” .

Which you know it\’d be nice to even have a minuscule amount of say over who\’ll you\’ll like, never mind love.  Aside from the title, another line  from this song also rings true (for a few different reasons): \”Don\’t let your life wrap up around you, don\’t forget to call whenever. I\’ll be here just waiting for you, I\’ll be under your stars forever.  Neither here nor there, just right beside you.\” Carrying on with the whole sappy factor, I adore this song too: by starlight

So enough of the sappiness from me… If your all wondering what in God\’s name has gotten into me, I really have no idea either!

So moving along in other news, since I\’ve been trying to stay up super late in order to get accustomed to my new shift(s) and in doing so have been trolling the internet for something to amuse me and well needless to say, it hasn\’t dissapointed me!  I really have to give the most credit to MILA (my life is average) and thanks to David who told me about it in the first place.  Because occasionally people will post random websites on there and of course I have to go and check them out because well why not?  Along with MILA …  FML (fuck my life) has some odd bits of humor as well.  Let\’s not forget texts from last night (TFLN) which also has a few gems!

Then I discovered: Cracked (which is full of funny off beat humor), not always right (as in the customer!) hilarious if you ever worked with the public!  Thought I would share that with you all 😉

Random MSN tidbit that I happen to think is funny in regards to a certain recent situation:

Steph: \”I told my mom (left out some details *I DON\’T tell her EVERYTHING but this was just too damn funny NOT too!) and she was laughing so hard she was in tears!\”

C:\”he could have asked for a few tips, since I bet youre quite skilled in bed\”

(Why yes, as a matter of fact I am, thanks! haha)  No in case your wondering, nothing happened and no I didn\’t get any recently.

by

The truth doesn\’t set you free…

Whomever came up with that statement should really get a kick in the face!  Honesty doesn\’t always get you everywhere or anywhere for that matter.  You see I\’ve been in this crappy culinary industry for 16 years now,  and have gained enough expertise through the years teamed up with a partial education to really truly call myself a Chef.  I\’m quite PROUD of that, no reason why I SHOULDN\’T be either if you ask me.  Thankfully all the hard work in the past has paid off and for the past few years I\’ve managed to snag some pretty high end job titles and the responsibly that come along with it.  GO ME!    However after the soon to be loss of my current job and sending out well over 40 cv\’s to places that were hiring (below my skill level mind you but with decent enough pay to cover my expenses and still have a  life) with very few phone calls in return I was starting to wonder.

But you see, after oodles of utter & EPIC frustration, something dawned on me after being told on numerous occasion that I was \”over qualified\” but thanks for applying anyway that it was necessary to lie on my CV about my qualifications read dumb them the hell down!  Very few places are hiring actual Chef\’s/sous Chef\’s and if they are chances are I\’m not qualified enough since I don\’t have my red seal nor do I plan on getting it even though i am more then eligible and have been for years or not ethnic enough with the added required languages of God knows what aside from the usual English/French.  So instead of saying I was the executive anything most of my job titles save for the exception of 1 sous Chef position because it was just too recent and I know that he would have said as much if called upon for a reference.   I simply replaced all my I worked my ass off for job titles to \”cook\” and well what do you know, all of a sudden I\’m not so \”over qualified\” anymore.

So last night after occasionally returning to a particular \”help wanted section\” online and refreshing the page I put my sneaky ninja stalker skills to good use and nabbed myself a job interview this evening.  So I went and I had a much better feeling about this place then the one in Lasalle & that pointless interview I had in CDN as well.  It just seems more my deal so I talked to the executive Chef and I have a job trial on Thursday.  I LOVE the concept of this place, its not an actual \”restaurant\” per say.  You can \”eat in\” but their main focus is on gourmet take out & delivery and I\’d be rocking the grill & saute which are the more \”coveted\” sections on a line since those are the ones that actually require some real skill as opposed to working any other one.

Which is slightly amusing since I was talking to Mat yesterday about my interview in CDN and how I was gravely insulted that A: It was a garde manger position and B the starting wage was $9.10/hour (I mean seriously are you kidding me?).  So I jokingly said there\’s no way in hell that I\’m going to be a glorified salad bitch for so little money and it really is the lowest rank on an actual line and usually the lowest paid job.  When Mat turned around and said hey, that\’s my position at my restaurant.  *Open mouth, insert foot* good thing I have small feet and a big mouth apparently!  Thankfully Mat has a sense of humor (and laughed all the while defending his position) and well in my own personal defense he\’s only been doing this for 4 years and I\’ve been doing it for 16 so I feel slightly entitled to be a \”title snob\” of sorts.

I don\’t know what the deal is with that place in Lasalle other then they have proven to be terribly un-professional for one thing and the line up they have (staff wise) is HORRENDOUS!  I\’ve never seen so many things occur in my 2 hours of cooling my heels waiting for Domenic\’s ass to show up(which he never did) then I think I have ever, with the exception of that one place that I worked at in the village briefly…  By briefly I mean I stayed for an hour and I quit.  So I\’m not getting my hopes up but I actually kind of hope that I get this job that I had the interview at tonight, it just felt right and I like that!  Not only that, a few of the guys that work there are HOT!  Not that I would personally involve myself with anyone at work ever as a rule but hey, nothing wrong with some awesome eye candy to help pass the time 😉

by

Why can\’t my life be average?

I mean seriously!   Or maybe it should be more like why can\’t *I* be normal?  Then again define normal:

adjective
1 normal
conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm; not abnormal; \”serve wine at normal room temperature\”; \”normal diplomatic relations\”; \”normal working hours\”; \”normal word order\”; \”normal curiosity\”; \”the normal course o
2 normal
being approximately average or within certain limits in e.g. intelligence and development; \”a perfectly normal child\”; \”of normal intelligence\”; \”the most normal person I\’ve ever met\”

So that pretty much explains it right there, because I am oh so defiant against social norms…  But still…  Sometimes I wish that I was just an ordinary person living a normal boring ass life.  I however shall never be so fortunate now shall I?

So since its been a while…  I\’ll do some slight back tracking since I know EVERYONE is just SO interested in my life…  Saturday: Shane\’s birthday= awesome!  That\’s all I have to say about that.  Oh yeah I had a job interview on Saturday night, that was pretty random too.  A few odd questions, an ultra fast tour and I need to call him either tonight or Thursday to set up a trail run  to see if I like it or not.  Steph the breakfast Chef *barf* but we\’ll see…  If the price is right I\’ll be MORE then happy to order a bunch of boys around…;)  I also have another job interview on Thursday night at a Bistro, this should be interesting.  So I\’ll wait to call Dominic back after I talk to Jason.

Another random occurrence…  I almost never use MSN messenger for a number of reasons.  Generally because if I happen to be online I\’m busy and I don\’t want to be disrupted by anyone.  I almost always \”appear\” offline and go into what \”C\” refers to as: sneaky stalker ninja mode.  However Dustin sent me a text and asked me to go online so we could gab for a bit which is fine and well until I got some e-mail from guy named Sam something and well curiosity did get the best of me so I had to check it out since anyone who knows me know that I don\’t use that e-mail address for e-mail, just MSN therefore I never check it.  I still have no clue who this guy is, let alone how he ended up on my MSN.  So I\’m thinking its likely a really long time since I\’ve had some association with this guy.  He\’s pretty hot, but REALLY creepy…  Or maybe its just me who thinks its creepy?  I won\’t post said conversation in here, granted its pretty tempting but I shall refrain.  In any case, the 10 mins I had him on my MSN was a HUGE turn off, I mean seriously why are some (not all) guys act like total doucebags if they think someone\’s hot?  I don\’t get it… In any case that was just plain weird…

Another odd occurrence…  Face book status said something to the effect of being a Chef & pretty has its advantages; boys & jobs aren\’t usually hard to come by.  Then out of nowhere I get a message from my ex boyfriend (we\’re talking 16 years ago.  Yeah I\’m old STFU Micheal 😉 )  And this little gem turns up in my in-box( yes this would be one of those pics or it didn\’t happen moments!) lol:

So yeah, today Krystal and I were sitting outside talking about music from our youth (you know back in the dark ages when we had tapes lol)…  Which led to a whole lot of bad rapping/even worse dancing on the back fire escape…  Good times to be had though, it was pretty hilarious!   Such as: Vanilla Ice, Kriss Kross, (x2), House of Pain, Cyprus Hill, MC Hammer (my God those pants…) & of course who can forget ace of base\’s two hit wonder lol.  Moments like these are really going to make me miss my job there!

On a final note, I have PMS and its toying with FAR too many things…  One thing in particular has a terrible hold on me that I can\’t seem to get rid of and its driving me crazy!

by

I <3 HSV-1...

OK actually no I don\’t as a matter of fact its a pain in my ass!  OK herpes (simplex one) sounds a million times worse then it could be as in HSV-2 (genital herpes) If your really feeling up to viewing some images, well those can be found here.

Why on earth am I talking about herpes for?  Simple, because I have HSV-1 *(as does most of the population) which is nothing more then a cold sore that I didn\’t even know that I had until my student dentist pointed it out.  Because I went to start my dental treatment at McGill today, took the afternoon off of work and lo and behold I couldn\’t GET ANY WORK DONE!  Thankfully this ISN\’T a regular occurrence, I think the last time I had one was a few years ago.   So now I have to call the poor guy back when its gone urgh!  Because the little bastard can spread like wildfire and while I am anything BUT impressed with it taking up residence on my face its not very visible.  I guess its a good thing I don\’t go running around kissing people or giving out blow jobs eh?  I\’ll tell you though, great way to turn guys off apparently!  Ahem thanks…  That was nothing short of awesome as in someone falling off the face of the planet the minute I told them.  Hey could be worse, I could have confessed that I had genital herpes which I am pretty damn thankful that I DON\’T YAY negative blood tests!

Speaking of blow jobs…  Someone e-mailed this to me this morning and while I don\’t see how it has anything to do with the actual product at hand its the innuendo that made me laugh to a certain degree…  Especially the commentary about the video itself.  Then of course there\’s this one too which is more tasteful but still slightly inappropriate . One needs to wonder if that company was doing an ad campaign for pearl necklaces O.o!  Yeah I went there…  As for what I happen to think is flat out wrong oddly enough is this.  That\’s likely because I dislike fast food but I especially hate burger king (and small children)!  Here\’s an interesting twist on the gender role of things…  Sometimes I do love the internet! 😉

More reasons I love the internet (goes to show you my friends who send me this stuff have FAR too much time on their hands):
Breastfeeding dolls (I totally had a WTF moment) but the fox commentary is amusing.
My ALL TIME favorite condom commercial EVER! Which was banned, why I\’ll never know because it reins supreme in hilarity!
Learn English?

More of course can be found here (thanks Ben)
Offensive?  Maybe to some, thoughts?
OK so I happen to think that Kayne West is an EPIC douchetard… Apparently I\’m not the only one! Micheal sent these to me so of course I feel the need to pass it on 😉 How many people can relate to this

OK so enough with the random nonsense.   At least for the time being…
In other news, work is still mega fucking slow so I\’m either a looking for a new job that pays more/gives me more hours *or* finding some BS part time job until things pick up at my work. Because I\’m going to start accumulating some hardcore debt if this keeps up…
One thing I noticed was most ad\’s that were in conjunction with my line of work, they always referred to the person they were looking for as a male IE: Him, He and so on. WTF? Sexist much holy fuck! I\’m not some radical feminist or something but come on! I\’ve been in this industry since I was 14, its woman like me who stuck it out amongst the gender BS who helped pave the way for woman Chefs today thank you very much!

On a final note its almost Friday:

Taken from facebook
BENEFIT SHOW @ CLYDES SEPT 18TH
because everyone loves animals and beer
WHERE: CLYDES 286 Lakeshore blvd (Pointe claire)
WHEN: SEPTEMBER 18TH
WHY:

3 bands that rock are coming together on September 18th to play a benefit show for Secours Reach for the Stars Animal Rescue. SO, put on your fuckin green hat and get ready to hear some great bands play for an awesome cause!! Hope to see you there!

DO US PART

INSIDE RIOT

+GUESTS

5 BUCKS AT THE DOOR!

If anyone wants more information about Reach for the Stars Rescue & how you can help out, foster or adopt, feel free to contact me or visit this website:
INVITE ALL YOUR FRIENDS 🙂

Clydes is on the 211 bus route. You can catch the 211 from Lionel Groulx metro station, stay on past the Dorval Circle and get off right by Clyde\’S in Pointe Claire Village at a stop on deLourdes by the corner of the Lakeshore.
For those who are driving you take the 20 to the Cartier exit and continue down to the Lakeshore and hang a right. Clydes is only a block or two from the corner and there is a parking lot.