Category Archives: Family

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The 2009 review

Well the year is almost over…  There\’s lots I could say to sum it up but to coin a phrase from Catlin \”2009 for me was the absolute highest highs and the lowest lows. I experienced pure, unadulterated joy and rock bottom, brutal sadness. I felt about as angry as I ever have.\” Hope she doesn\’t mind, but in all honestly I really couldn\’t have said it better myself!  Brilliantly put Catlin, that\’s all I have to say 🙂  Reading other people\’s blogs has its advantages since it was Catlin that pointed out that Gillian answers a serious of questions every year after skimming through them I thought well you know, why not?  So thank you Gillian for making this blog entry a little easier!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Lots of things!  Went to places I\’ve never been before and more importantly became a little more true to myself.  Oh and I went boxing day shopping with my mom & sister and didn\’t buy a  single hoodie!  (I have a hoodie addiction)  Seriously…  You reading this Micheal lol.  I actually bought girly attire…  I gotta say though I do love that angora sweater 😉

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I haven\’t bothered with them in years.  I do however hope that 2010 is a whole lot better then 2009 was!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

not particularly close per say, but a few people I know are proud parents.  However  my best friend of 20+ years is pregnant 🙂

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes

5. What countries did you visit?

How about provinces? I went to Ontario as per the usual in the summer and just got back from Christmas there too.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

peace of mind!

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

September 3rd one of my best friends died and that day changed my life.  RIP Jason, I love you!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Wow that\’s a tough one.  Can\’t really say I actually have one which is kind of sad in a way but this year was full of so. much. fail.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not being there for someone when they needed me the most.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Well aside from the Advil overdose because of that epic tooth pain I had, the infection that followed which SUCKED not really.  Injury\’s well I hurt myself at work quite a bit but its rather minor in comparison.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A new computer (thanks mom <3)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My sister

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Jason…

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, the dentist, visa

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My tattoos! lol

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Can\’t say I have one particular song in mind.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Although I can\’t totally recall how I felt this time last year I know due to circumstances that I am most certainly sadder, thinner and hands down a whole lot more poor too lol.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Been there more for my friends/family.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

procrastinated, stressed out, getting angry and less crying!  Did far too much of that this year!

20. How did you spend Christmas?

I was in Ontario with my immediate family and it was awesome!  I had a really good Christmas this year in the end.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

nope.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Family guy!  Although I haven\’t watched a lot of TV this year and I\’m canceling the cable soon because of it.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No.

24. What was the best book you read?

I read so many good ones this year!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Haven\’t made any of those…

26. What did you want and get?

Tickets to Metallica!  A new computer,  a cat with thumbs, some beautiful tattoo work of course/

27. What did you want and not get?

Jason to be alive.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Didn\’t see enough movies to even garner a proper response for that one.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 31…  Had a small soiree with my friends at my apartment and it was fabulous!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

not being in debt and being back in school already!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

ha ha this year was a bit of a transformation of sorts.  I\’ve always been a jeans/t-shirt/hoodie girl.  I still am but I have gotten more \”girly\” attire and started wearing heels!  That\’s a little crazy in itself!

32. What kept you sane?

My friends, I honestly don\’t know what I would have done without them this year!  I am so very fortunate to have such amazing people in my life!

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

That\’s not my style, I could care less about that sort of thing.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

H1N1 Jesus Christ!  All the hype and bullshit holy fuck!

35. Who did you miss?

Jason, my mom

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Define met, I can say who the best new person I\’ve talked to but have yet to meet is.  They already know that though and if they don\’t well they should!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Life is short, too short!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day\’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What\’s worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts \’cause there\’s no second try
So live like you\’re never living twice
Don\’t take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day-Nickleback

So in closing, this year sucked in SO many ways…  Tons and tons of soul sucking drama, far too many tears and heartbreak and things that just speak of pure evil.  Although there were a few rare moments of happiness that made them all that much more precious.  In the end its the little things that matter and that was a lesson that I sadly learned the hard way.
So 2009 wasn\’t a total loss, just a very difficult year.  In the end, I have learned that inspiration can come from the strangest things but leads to something beautiful.  I\’m not going to rattle of names, but I can only hope that those who were there for me either directly or indirectly when I needed them the most, who gave me some very much needed closure in inadvertently assisting me with my memorial tattoo for Jason and those who just made this year suck a little less, your awesome and I am so totally grateful that you were there even if it was only for a brief period of time <3
Here\’s to hoping that 2010 is full of much better things for us all 😉
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So it begins…

Started my new job yesterday which was interesting to say the least…  Mostly because the guy who was supposed to be training me wasn\’t in due to the flu.  I however have become a little too accustomed to be being \”fed to the sharks\” and adapt pretty damn fast to these situations.  So I was working on the line with the owner last night which wasn\’t all that bad.  Except at first, I had no clue that he was one of the owners oops!  We got on well and rocked it out but the place was a freaking zoo at one point.  Rush from hell kicks in, were SO not prepared for it since we were short people who work during the day to make this whole prep thing happen.  All in all it was OK, it had its moments of total and utter fail but at least we got on well.

Funny enough another one of the owners (I think there\’s 5 of them) used to attend the university I work at and on the occasions that I was working in the actual cafeteria itself as opposed to the kitchen, I\’ve served him before.  So we both thought it was pretty funny that I went from serving HIM coffee, to having him sign MY cheques.  Everyone there is really cool, though.  Were all in the same relative age bracket, everyone is English which is awesome since my French is terrible at best.  So those two things alone make work suck a little bit less.

Of course there are always a few downfalls, as one would find in any kitchen.  The hours, OMFG there goes my life…  Sunday they\’re open from 2pm-1am, Monday-Wed 5pm-1am, Thursday-Sat. 5pm til 4am, yes that would be four o\’clock in the freaking morning!  Guess what shift I\’m working tonight and Saturday…  There\’s a few \”problem area\’s\” that need to be addressed but not so many to the point that I wouldn\’t want to be there unlike one place that I worked at.  So I\’ll be doing my damnedest to make that happen.  John himself said if anyone can whip that place into shape it you lol.  He is right though, years of experience do help and I have reached a point in my career that you know what\’s going to work and what isn\’t.

I have to admit though that the times that I have upstaged them thus far, they\’re pretty good about it.  Yesterday being a prime example: you work in any kitchen that has a grill and you\’ll know what I mean.  Each one has a drip pan underneath it that generally slides in and out.  Most places cover this with tinfoil because when your grilling chicken, the oil in the marinade tends to catch on fire.  However I was told that it was broken, I was like broken?  Dude its a drip tray, how on earth can you break that?  He said that its been jammed in there all day and no one could get it out.  That was until *I* came along and yanked that sucker out in all of 2 minutes.  I\’ve never seen a  bunch of boys so excited over such a  thing!

Tonight pending the exec Chef comes in, it should be interesting.  I like him, he\’s nice enough BUT he\’s also a recent graduate (class of 2008) and I also happen to be a few years older then him and he\’s a little cocky, but too much so.  Needless to say, we\’re going to be having a discussion today if he comes in.  No its not *my* kitchen, and I am OK with not being anywhere near in charge for a change but certain things just don\’t sit well with me for justifiable reasons.  Mostly I get into \”anal retentive Nazi\” mode when it comes to organization, cleanliness, food safety and efficiency.  Those are the 3 key areas that I always find need to be addressed to some degree or another.  Not that I\’m saying that my new job has a profound amount of those issues thankfully, it just needs \”the Steph touch\” 😉

Its a HUGE change from the life I have grown somewhat accustomed to and my schedule and its time constraints tend to turn people off more often then not.  Not that I can say I blame anyone for that because it takes a pretty tolerant person to date someone in this business.  The hours are insane, its stressful, becoming an alcoholic is always an issue (thankfully not for me, that\’s why I don\’t drink that much), its very demanding overall and you tend to become exceptionally bitter and jaded at best.  In any case I consign myself to the fact that I\’m getting out sooner as opposed to later.  I signed up for this life, it was my choice and like several other things I choose to do, you can either take it or leave it.  Not like it matters, since the last few dates I have been on haven\’t been all that remarkable.  I have a few ideas as to why, but mostly people automatically assume that because I work as much as I do, with the most random schedule ever that I won\’t have time for them.

WRONG…  I ALWAYS make time for those that matter.  Granted I can\’t bet here for everyone 24/7 but I sure as hell don\’t expect them to be there for me that much either.  Which makes the time you do have with them that much more precious.  It also makes dating someone who\’s in the same industry as you a hellish nightmare at best…  But its been done and if I was destined to, I\’d do it again.  Not that it matters because the last few have totally lacked the whole wow factor for lack of a better term.  I don\’t know if its one situation that I can\’t seem to let go or if I\’m just dead inside.  At this point its anyone\’s guess and there\’s only one way for me to narrow it done, but I have to nail down that one opportunity first to see.  Which very well might never present itself at this rate.

In other non work related news: I booked my ticket to go home and my annual Christmas tattoo appointment as well 🙂  Now I just need to take the time off of work.  I\’m hoping that won\’t be an issue…  I\’ll only be gone for a few days, I leave the morning of the 24th @7:30am and I have to leave Cambridge on Dec 28th @ 9:30pm to make my connection in Toronto for 12:30am the following day.  But it\’ll be nice to go home & see everyone and get my memorial tattoo for Jason as well (which in case you were wondering is booked for 3pm on the 28th YAY!).  If  your wondering what I\’m getting,  I\’m keeping a closely guarded secret.  Only one/perhaps 2 people know what I\’m getting and even Tim doesn\’t know yet.  I just said that I\’m getting a memorial piece and nothing more.  I\’m excited though!  I was going to get Gil to do it a few months ago but I thought better of it and decided to wait until I went home instead.  I need a little more time to heal and the tattoo usually helps, but in the end there\’s no point it rushing it either.

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Clearing something up…

OK first of all, I forgot to mention this a while ago so I\’m saying something about it now.  When you like someone (doesn\’t matter the gender) and  you are so socially in-adequate for a number of reasons that your not getting any…  Interrogating the person that you like by asking \”what went wrong in the last relationship(s) that you had?\” is NOT. OK. EVER.  First of all I at least happen to be smart enough to know that your just making a lame really bad attempt at trying not to be \”that guy\” as in the guy(s) I\’ve broken up with…  Everyone has a past, that\’s just the way it is.  So yes its bound to come up in conversation once in a while for whatever the reason.  Doesn\’t mean that we/they\’re not over it (because chances are we are) its just a part of our life.   That\’s just the way that it is…  However sometimes those subjects are touchy for whatever the reason and can on occasion induce fits of rage and are best left un-said.  Its one thing to be curious about the person your interested in but making them feel like they should be in an interrogation room is not.

So let\’s talk about my ex \”husband\” just to clear this up.  Not that I really feel that this is anyone\’s business per say, its not exactly a secret either.  The situation as a whole is a tad complicated and I get tired of explaining it, so from here on out if you don\’t read my blog, then I ain\’t telling you.  When I met him I still lived in Ontario and he lived here.  My past isn\’t all that \”pure and innocent\” as some people would like to believe (sorry but it is what it is and made me the person I am today).   Yes I did have one very UGLY abusive relationship among other ones that just didn\’t work out for whatever the reason.  Anyway we became fast friends & he had partially jokingly said you should move to Montreal and start over.  Little did he know I actually thought that was an amazing idea!  Cambridge has its charms but I was getting sick of the same old, same old and needed a change.  I figured it wouldn\’t have been so bad because I had a friend.

That was until we started dating, then it came down to who\’s going to live where.  He of course preferred that I moved to Mtl (who can blame him) and I wanted to get away anyway.  So in October of 2003 I came to visit him and fell in love with Montreal.  His parents were super religious (his father is a minister) and they don\’t believe in the whole sex/living together before marriage thing (this will be come relevant in a minute).  During said visit to Montreal that fall I seen the apartment that I would soon make my home and we got engaged.  So then we set the date, started making plans for my move and the wedding.  His parents posed a problem so we had to lie and say that I was staying with a friend in Lasalle (which at the time, I didn\’t even know where Lasalle was) until we got married.

I moved here on February 21st 2004 and even though I was living with him we had to maintain that ruse that  I was living with my imaginary friend and leaving all my furniture and what not with him at the apt. we had.  Got settled in, got a job and a car blah blah blah.  So in June that same year I had to go back to Ontario to tie up some loose ends and we told everyone that we \”eloped\” at city hall in Ontario.  Because we were originally planning on getting legally married in Ontario because then I could assume his last name (because I HATE mine) except we never did at that point because we couldn\’t afford it ($300.00 with the license/getting married at city hall) at that time so we figured we would a day before the actual wedding.   This way I could live with him freely (read without his parents hassling us, who didn\’t even live ON the island).

So my car needed a ton of repairs.  Caught on fire once, replaced the entire exhaust system, brakes, leaf spring blah blah blah.  Before we were due to leave to go to Ontario where we were getting married something got replaced on the car and the mechanic at Midas pointed out the ball joints on my front axle were due to go at any time and they needed to be replaced along with a few other minor things before it would be safe to make that long of a trip.  There went the $300.00 we had saved for the license and the actual \”wedding\” at city hall to make it legal.  Turns out we didn\’t have enough time anyway due to a million delays here in Montreal.

We asked his dad to preform the ceremony but he couldn\’t legally marry us in Ontario without someone from a religious order from Ontario in attendance which is why we were planning on going that route but his whole family thought we were already married (we even had the rings) and we were just \”going through the motions\” of the ceremony and having a reception.  So yes I had the dress, we had the rings and the whole nine yards, it was just never made legal.  The only \”legal\” marriage we had was strictly common law and nothing more.  So technically I was married, we just never bother making that happen on paper.  Sounds confusing?  I know, try telling/explain that a 100 times!  So in the end, we split up but I did consider him to be my husband in every sense of the word.  Why we broke up isn\’t relevant, it got ugly for a while be we have since sorted that out and even though were not best friends I no longer wish that he would get hit by a bus. We have both moved on with our lives and I\’ve been over it for a very long time.  The memories are bittersweet, just another chapter in my life story.

Since I\’ve been asked on numerous occasions for pictures since I don\’t have any posted (well duh were not together anymore)  here\’s a few to satisfy the curious:

In any case, it was one hell of a night!  Even though its said and done, people are still talking about it lol.

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Randomness!

Start my new job on Wed, have Friday off and a whole lot of crazy insane shifts to look forward to, YAY!  Went shopping today and got the most adorable red wool jacket EVER and I LOVE it!  Along with some other nifty stuff that I don\’t feel as compelled to mention.

I\’m also pondering a decsion of sorts in regards to someone…  But yet I still can\’t seem to totally make up my mind just yet but I\’m thinking if something doesn\’t happen and soon, that\’s going to be a total deal breaker.   Part of it *isn\’t* \”control-able\” due to schedule conflicts and what not but still after a while the whole \”good things come to those who wait\” tends to loose its luster.  I do give them credit for trying at least!  Yet in the same token to coin a phrase from the song (which adds a touch of irony to the situation for reasons I won\’t disclose) beautiful by the smashing pumpkins:\” And I\’m sure you know me well, as I\’m sure you don\’t.  But you just can\’t tell, who you\’ll love and who you won\’t\” .

Which you know it\’d be nice to even have a minuscule amount of say over who\’ll you\’ll like, never mind love.  Aside from the title, another line  from this song also rings true (for a few different reasons): \”Don\’t let your life wrap up around you, don\’t forget to call whenever. I\’ll be here just waiting for you, I\’ll be under your stars forever.  Neither here nor there, just right beside you.\” Carrying on with the whole sappy factor, I adore this song too: by starlight

So enough of the sappiness from me… If your all wondering what in God\’s name has gotten into me, I really have no idea either!

So moving along in other news, since I\’ve been trying to stay up super late in order to get accustomed to my new shift(s) and in doing so have been trolling the internet for something to amuse me and well needless to say, it hasn\’t dissapointed me!  I really have to give the most credit to MILA (my life is average) and thanks to David who told me about it in the first place.  Because occasionally people will post random websites on there and of course I have to go and check them out because well why not?  Along with MILA …  FML (fuck my life) has some odd bits of humor as well.  Let\’s not forget texts from last night (TFLN) which also has a few gems!

Then I discovered: Cracked (which is full of funny off beat humor), not always right (as in the customer!) hilarious if you ever worked with the public!  Thought I would share that with you all 😉

Random MSN tidbit that I happen to think is funny in regards to a certain recent situation:

Steph: \”I told my mom (left out some details *I DON\’T tell her EVERYTHING but this was just too damn funny NOT too!) and she was laughing so hard she was in tears!\”

C:\”he could have asked for a few tips, since I bet youre quite skilled in bed\”

(Why yes, as a matter of fact I am, thanks! haha)  No in case your wondering, nothing happened and no I didn\’t get any recently.