Category Archives: There goes the neighbourhood!

by

Oh Montreal…

You slay me so, in so many ways but the real topper?

HABS fans.  They\’re fucking nuts!

I used to live adjacent to downtown and I was really, really close to the bell center.  So close that when this riot broke out I could hear it from my apartment.  It was total chaos.  I\’m all about standing up for causes that you believe in and protesting things that you feel are wrong with this world but Montreal would seem to top that.  At least in Canada.

I pay scant attention to politics, I respect the fact that French IS Quebec\’s official language and I also respect their right to hold onto their culture.  It would be no different if I was to move somewhere else.  Like Egypt, Sweden, Saudi Arabia and so on.  I\’m not ignorant like that.  Although the ignorance that runs rampant in this province in regards to separatism and the language laws ? Blows. My. Mind.  Clearly, we all can\’t just \’get along\’.  In any case, I love this city, I love living here and I love the life that I have here as well.  However, when Jason Rockman posted this on facebook I was floored:

\”OK, I love the French language, I am a die hard Montrealer and am engaged to a francophone…but this??? Seriously?? These protesters can blow me…\”

The Rockman of course is referring to this article and the Gazette did a lengthier article on this as well which was also posted on facebook with the caption:\’   Is language important, or should the Canadiens win at any cost? What do you think?\’

My thoughts on this?  I could care less about hockey period.  I don\’t care, I don\’t follow games and I refuse to jump on the Habs fan bandwagon just because I live here.  It\’s a game kids, or as my friend Ali said: \’It may only be a game to some, but to the rest of us it\’s like a religion on the weekends\’.  Fair enough, I have my share of things that I\’m passionate about too.  Not so passionate that I start riots and set things on fire, but still…

Here\’s the thing, after doing a quickie bit of research, left wing player Erik Cole of the Montreal Canadiens, is AMERICAN!  Well, well…  I\’m willing to bank on it that there\’s countless others who are either not from Canada, let alone from this province.  Yet you give a shit if their coach is English?  You have got to be kidding me!  Hands down, Montreal has a good team.  Even I, the non hockey follower knows that.  It\’s pretty hard to ignore when you live here.  However I\’m willing to bet that if Montreal takes home the cup this year or anytime soon, you\’re not going to give a flying fuck if the coach is English, French or Swedish for that matter now are you?

I\’m thinking likely not… 

Here\’s what a few people on facebook had to say about this:

Ken: Who gives a shit if the coach ONLY speaks English instead of joual? As long as they win, it doesn\’t matter, t\’se?

Theresa: wtf! What a bunch of crap. Who cares if he can\’t speak frnech, have you been to Montreal? EVERYONE can speak English there anyway. (OK I\’m going to interject and say almost everyone. Although most people can from my experience, even if it\’s just a little)

William: I think that the future of French in North America would not be questioned if we paid as much attention to school drop out rates or functional illiteracy as we do to this kind of symbolic nonsense.

Jennifer: right – we should keep turning away the BEST Doctors, Nurses, Teachers, etc…. because they can\’t speak french…. It boggles me why people accept it!

Derek: I read the Gazette and La Presse regularly. The blatant favortism of Francophones from La Presse, RDS, and the Quebec media in general is disgusting. I want a winning product that shows up to practice in Brossard and the Bell Centre for games. I don\’t care if the coach is a bilingual Francophone or a unilingual Anglophone. I care about winning. Perhaps this is why the Habs have not been relevant since Patrick Roy was our goalie. I can\’t speak for other Habs fans, but I do not ever want to see the faces of Mario Tremblay or Rejean Houle again.

Sandra: What ever happened to hiring the best person for the job? I am from Quebec, born and raised a francophone, and I don\’t agree with the crap about the Mighty French attitude…I wish after all these years they would finally join the rest of us and give up on a francophone only-is-the-only-way attitude…

Billy: England\’s national soccer team is coached by an Italian who speaks poor english… Do you see the English protesting at having their coach not speak English ? No.. only retards like Mario Beaulieu does….If i\’m the habs I tell all thse losers who are still mad at this to F#$@ off

Cheyenne: I don\’t hear them yelling \’go habs go\’ in french.

Franca: WTH. the sweet taste of victory is universal amd surely understood by all. Since when did jumping for joy from a well-deserved win say, \”oui, on gagne en francais qu\’en anglais?!\” What if the guy were anything other than Anglophone, then what? Leave language issues out of hockey, svp.

Brian: The man was put in the position to coach the team (in a championship, winning fashion – not for his speech or linguistic skills!) … if he was from a winning Russian, Swedish, or Czech team, and couldn\’t speak a word of English or French, but led the team to the Stanley Cup, would the \’critics\’ care?? No, of course not! Their complaints are purely anti-English, not about any abilities of the person. Disgusting, to say the least…

Matt: The political situation in Quebec is what has destroyed the Canadiens. You want a competitive team-not a political circus. Why is it when we have good English players they can\’t get out of town fast enough. I\’ve been a fan here in Wisconsin since the 1967 expansion but I don\’t think I will live to see that 25th Stanley Cup.

Lucette: There are more important issues in Quebec to take care of.Ils y\’a des choses au Québec à s\’occuper qui sont plus importantes.

Dafne: In the meantime in Qc… food depots can\’t be filled, unemployment rises, people with mental health issues has no treatment, there are no family doctors, the bridges are falling appart…should I continue??

And the list of comments goes on and on…  I personally think the whole nation could benefit from being bilingual in some fashion or another.  I understand the frustration, it\’s no different for me being someone who\’s first language is English and trying to communicate with someone who doesn\’t speak it all and vice versa.  It DOES go both ways.  I get that.  But it\’s been a political circus for far too long and dragging sports into this long debacle of non sense is really too much.

Even for me.  

 

In other news, I happened to stumble upon this.  Thought I would share.

by

Medusa (of a different sort)

So I\’m in Cambridge, ON for the holidays.  I was born here, most of my family still resides here so of course when Christmas rolls around I make the obligatory trip home.  Which never ceases to amuse me more often then not.  The vast differences between Cambridge and Montreal are huge.  Cambridge has a population of about 130,000 vs Montreal which has a population of  1,620,693 as of the 2006 census.  You\’re likely wondering why this matters…  Let alone what the hell this has to do with Medusa.

I\’ll tell you why…

When I walk the streets of Montreal, I seem to \’blend in\’ more.  It\’s a larger city, which is also a lot more open minded then my hometown, which seems to be on occasion, still stuck in the dark ages.  So the other night when I was at a local bar with some friends, standing outside.  I happened to grab the attention of someone and he took one look at my face and zeroed in on my Medusa piercing.  The rapt, childlike fascination he had with my piercing was pretty priceless (I\’m going to assume he was also pretty drunk)   He said something to the effect of: \”Holy fuck, don\’t tell me that\’s pierced for real!?!\” \’Yes, it most certainly is.\’  \”Wow!  That must of hurt?\” Your damn right it did (most painful piercing I have to date as a matter of fact)\’ \”Wow! That\’s crazy.  Oh my God, you have your tongue pierced too? wow!\”  \”You must be crazy!?!\” Me: With the most diabolical, sinister look on my face that I could muster (think Jack Nicholson in the Shining) ; looked at him dead on and said: \”Why yes, yes I am\”.

The look on his face was so precious it was priceless!  He looked frightened ha ha!  He looked at me on last time with that same awe struck look on his face and said \”wow, I should stay away from you!!\” Enter creeper face  and I said: \”Yes, yes you should.\” He looked so terrified I thought he was going to wet his pants!  He hightailed it back into the bar so fast and I\’m pretty sure he left soon after that.

Amy & I got a good laugh out of that one!  That\’s the beautiful thing about being on vacation, even if it\’s just in your hometown.  You don\’t live here, so it doesn\’t matter what you do or how much you mess with drunk people (within reason of course, I don\’t set out to be malicious in any way) it can be pretty entertaining.

It\’s a shame that it wasn\’t summer or at the very least warm enough to warrant showing this off:

\"\"

 She tends to freak people out.  Medusa is pretty awesome all around mind you.  Too bad I didn\’t posses the ability to turn people into stone.  Not all the time mind you, just on occasion. I\’m thinking that would come in handy someday. No?

In any case, it\’s good to be me 😉

by

Please pass the eye bleach…

Before I totally ruin your day/appetite allow me to introduce you to the new man in my life  🙂  His name is Shamrock, he\’s pretty awesome & I only have him for a limited time.  This adorable bundle of cute was surrendered by his owner who moved to Singapore for 5 years and couldn\’t afford the 10 grand (yes, ten thousand dollars) to have him tag along.  After having Anna step in and save him literally hours from being gassed, he\’s a pretty happy boy:

\"\"

Handsome little man isn\’t he?  He smiles like that ALL the time.  I do adore him & he\’s cute/funny/sweet company but sadly I can\’t offer him the kind of home that he needs for the long term.  I KNOW this & I wish people would stop telling me that I should keep him when I know that I can\’t.  I do OK on my own, but I do enjoy my freedom and not only that his food/toys/vet bills are being either donated and/or paid for by someone else.  Unlike some people who adopt animals, I do have a realistic approach to this situation.  I do hope that he finds a good forever home soon, he deserves it!

In other news…

I cancelled my account on a certain site.  Clearly in a moment of what can only be described as sheer stupidity (one of which I have 0 recollection of) I apparently gave someone my e-mail address.  Well not the one I use on a day to day basis mind you.  The I might get back to you but likely not e-mail address.  You know the one where you just use your initals or some odd ball variation of your name.

 We all have one of those.    

So I rarely check this account and there is this e-mail from someone who said why did you cancel your account on (insert site name here)?  I thought to myself who the fuck are you?  I almost never use that e-mail anymore for anything and I know that I haven\’t given it out in a really long time because of it.  Furthermore, I don\’t date red heads.

EVER.

Yes I am a natural red head, however so is my father (ick) and I quite simply do not find it attractive in any way shape or form.  Redheaded woman are smoking hot, men yeahhhhhhh not so much…

Anyway back to the story at hand.  There\’s a file attachment.  No big deal, could be his face for all I know and I was thinking   hoping   praying to anyone who would listen that that\’s all it was.  Except I was wrong and I of course had to open the e-mail itself.  G-Mail of course provides you with a decent sized thumbnail of what that attachment is.

Behold:

\"\"

I threw up in my mouth a little.  I actually thought that I was going to vomit my dinner all over my desk in a projectile fashion.  So of course I had to share the horror.  Which garnered the following responses:

  • Me: OMFG I\’m going to vomit, so much for dinner. P: Don\’t eat & then inbox, sketchy scene Me:Clearly
  • J: What has been seen cannot be unseen. Me: No, no it can not.
  • A: Holy god! I need therapy and a hug now! I\’m in shock!  Me: Me too A, me too!
  • C:Okay, I\’ll bite. Send it this way. A: Oh gods no. Save yourself the torture! Me: Hold on C, I\’m blogging about it A: I\’m still crying about it.  (Who can blame her! So am I!)
  • The other J: (whom might I add claimed that he\’s seen some pretty sick shit before) proclaimed this: OK you got me, I literally just threw up in my mouth a little.

The worst part of all:

He e-mailed me again and asked me if I liked the picture and SENT IT TO ME AGAIN!  I am scarred for life now!  I am tempted to write him back and say: \”I\’m sorry, I can\’t tell you because after the last one that you sent me, I gouged out my eyes with a rusty nail and I have scheduled a lobotomy to forever block out this incident in all of it\’s entirety.

I just might.

*Here\’s some eye bleach* Hope you weren\’t eating when you seen that… 

by

Online dating: the do\’s & don\’t edition

Here\’s what slays me, in this day and age a lot of people utilize online dating websites.  It\’s a lot more convient then to bother going to all the trouble of trying to meet someone in person.  Most people won\’t own up to this though.  Every single guy I know who uses a popular (and free) dating site, the conversation always starts with: A buddy of mine set up a profile for me and I met this woman…  Online dating, the hidden shame of us all.  It is however, not without it\’s pitfalls…

I get a lot of messages depending on what category I place myself in.  I\’ve tested this theory out and the most attention grabbing (and also garnered the creepiest replies) was of course \’intimate encounters\’ a close second although not nearly as popular was dating.  Haven\’t ever bothered with a long term commitment, figure my in-box would look like a ghost town and that\’s not really what I\’m after from the get go anyway…  The whole hang out/e-mail talk thing hasn\’t ever been an option I\’ve chosen, nor activity partner.  I figure intimate encounters pretty much covers this, after all sex is an activity right?

Of course it is! 

Anyway…  Online there\’s no consequences, or at the very least not very many.  I personally keep my profile pretty brief and to the point.  Most people these days have short attention spans.  That being said:

Don\’t write a fucking novel!  Jesus Christ.  It\’s one thing to write a well thought out profile that show cases your highlights.  More often then not though, they usually start with something like OMG I am SO bad at talking about myself lulz and then they proceed to write their life stories, the cliff notes edition.

Use proper grammar and spelling!  Jesus Christ!  Is it really that difficult to spell out an entire word?  You know instead of U how about adding those three extra letters.  OR PEOPLE WHO TYPE LIKE THIS -or- my personal favorite LiKe THsI.  I had a discussion about this with someone last night.  Not bothering to use proper spelling and or grammar makes you look like a fucking idiot who didn\’t make it past grade 2.

Private messages: It\’s one thing to drop someone a quick word or five to open up the line\’s of communication.  However it is in poor taste to write a message to someone that is another novel that highlights your income, the kind of car that you drive and blah fucking blah.  You know what that says to a woman like me?  I\’m insecure and I\’ll buy you everything that you want because I\’m really trying to buy your love because dammit I need someone to fuck love me. Or that you\’re a materialistic douche bag.  Either way? Do. Not. Want.  Real woman who will like you for you and you alone, don\’t need to know your entire pedigree.  We\’re not buying a dog.

Comments on my pictures and or  my tattoos:  Yes I am pretty to most people, thank you.  However saying: \’Yeah but you\’re really hot, you must not be having any problems getting laid\” Well not usually no I don\’t.  However I don\’t need you to point that out.  Proves to me that you\’re terribly, terribly insecure.

NOT ATTRACTIVE!  

Saying you want to lick all of my tattoos is not a turn on.  I have 27 and they\’re essentially all over the place.  Yes I do have my naughty bits tattooed (and pierced) also my butt cheek, along with one on my big toe and I\’m sporting one in my left armpit among other places.  Do you really want to lick my armpit?  Furthermore do *I* want you to lick my armpit?  No.  No I do not.  What are you a dog?  Do I need a bath?  Do you feel that my skin is dry and I should drink more water and or up the ante on my moisturizer?  So just don\’t.  It\’s NOT attractive and makes you look like a douchebag.

YOUR pictures: The whole point about dating period is all about looking to score.  Regardless of what you want, we\’re all searching for something or someone.  Perhaps you\’ll get lucky and actually find it.  So naturally no one isn\’t going to post pictures of themselves looking anything less then their best usually.  Most guys do OK in this department.  Here\’s what\’s not OK (in my eyes at least)

  • Pictures of your ride.  What are you a fucking transformer?  No?  Didn\’t think so!  Likely you\’re over compensating for something.  I don\’t want to know what that something is.
  • Your bitchin\’ tan.  Most of you look like Jersey shore rejects, it\’s not hot.
  • Pictures with what is clearly your ex girlfriend cut out of the picture.  Take 5 mins and take a new one!  Jesus!
  • The mirror pictures showing off your so called \’bad\’ self.  For example (yes this is an actual picture from someone who messaged me)
  • \"\"

The caption: a sneak peek at my physique.  You want to know what I see:

  1. A sneak peek into your mom\’s/grandmother\’s and or wife\’s bedroom.  The glaring mauve walls and 80\’s mirror are a dead giveaway.  Along with the flowery curtains and the picture of Marilyn Monroe.  I have one of her too because I love her but mine\’s hotter.
  2. Back hair.  It looks like your pubes have escaped from your groin and planted themselves above your butt crack.
  3. Douchebag taking a picture of themselves in a mirror.  Self timer\’s, even my fucking phone\’s camera has one.  Try it sometime.

Pictures of your junk: Most guys assume that if you place yourself in the intimate encounters category, you automatically want a picture of their cock.  No, no I don\’t actually.  Why?  Because I, unlike most people have professional pictures of mine.  Thank you Hylton!  I happen to have a really awesome, rock star vag.  That aside, I am also a Chef.  I\’m a very visual person in that regard (not unlike most men) and to coin a phrase from someone: \”I eat with my eyes first\” and that\’s true!  So when you send a girl a picture of your junk and it\’s not up to par.  I\’m going to judge your sorry ass!  I won\’t post pictures of some of the eye bleach inducing    genitals I\’ve gotten lately but I will tell you this much.  Make. An. Effort.  I personally haven\’t ever been with a guy who isn\’t cut and after seeing the latest, I really don\’t want to.  Not trying to be all judgmental, however not one of you is selling me on it.  Really you\’re not, not in the least.

Save for one.  I\’m giving him a medal, only because I feel that he deserves one.  As a general rule of thumb, best not to send a picture of your junk unless she asks for it.  It\’re pretty damn presumptuous of you to assume that we want to see it.  Also your definition of well endowed can likely vary vastly from mine and on a final note if your going to take a self shot, best not to do it when looking down.  Why?  Because when I look down at my chest, it\’s not nearly as large as it actually is.  Ergo, you\’re selling yourself short (pun is totally intended).

So if you\’re going to create an online profile looking to score, might want to keep some of these points in mind.  Men judge woman based on many, many things and you know what? We do the same.