Category Archives: There goes the neighbourhood!

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Saturday Shenanigans

I have the most ridiculously random, yet totally awesome life EVER!

No really.

I do.

I hosted a day long fundraiser at my place yesterday to help out a friend.  Started at 9am and ran until some obscure hour in the wee hours of the morning.  It was by and large one of the Best. Saturday\’s. Ever.  It started out innocently enough, get up, get stuff done.  Or so that was the plan at the very least.

So for those of you who missed it, here\’s the highlights in no particular order with no back story included:

  • My superintendent told me that I could get around the no lease clause of no dogs allowed YAY!  Except right now I can\’t but someday.  Having your super think that you\’re hot has it\’s privileges.
  • I got blatantly hit on by some 400lb dude who said it was totally OK if I was his stalker.
  • Which led to me throwing up in my mouth a little and saying (after many drinks later) \’Can you imagine me trying to have sex with that guy?  I don\’t think I could bear the weight of him being on top, I\’m not flexible enough nor are my legs long enough to be on top and my knees are bad\’ which if you were there, you\’d get it & laugh because everyone else did.  Fuck you if you think I\’m being mean (because I admit that I totally was insensitive) because it was pretty damn funny if you were there.
  • Got to meet some of my awesome neighbors which makes me feel damn good about this apartment. With the exception of having to meet one due to Jackson finding her poor cat on the road, who we invited over for drinks.
  • Poor person\’s cat who died?  HOT!  OMFG This is one of the hottest woman I have ever seen!  Which also prompted me to say, after total inebriation: \’ I\’m mostly straight but I would totally tap that!\’ I also totally would because she\’s freaking hot!
  • Headlocks were had.
  • Boobs were groped.
  • Pants were lost.
  • Such comments like the back of your head NEEDS to be smooched in my boobs (yes that was me) were said.
  • Filters and indoor voices became a thing of the past.
  • Wine, rum & beer was bought, consumed and spilled.
  • Smoking…  Lot\’s & lot\’s of smoking.
  • Lot\’s of lesbians.
  • Lewd and totally inappropriate comments were said. (Which if you know me is the norm, but when I\’m that shitfaced it\’s even worse)
  • Tattoos were flashed.
  • Cast members from Webdreams were met.
  • The word naughty became one of the most used words of the evening.
  • Smoking hot photo-shoots were planned.
  • My friends wife ended up in my bed.
And much, MUCH more.  Which I can not disclose.  Because what happens on Shitfaced Saturday\’s at Steph\’s Stays at SSS.
Partying with me & select friends really IS that awesome.
After all  membership friendship has it\’s privileges. 😉

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Monday Fcukery

Ever have one of those days where you make the mistake of waking up and crawling out of your nice, warm cozy bed only to discover the the universe clearly has it out for you and decides that it\’s OK for you to be fucked up the ass without your permission and then proceeds to blow it\’s load all over your face?  Which then in turn makes you want to throw yourself in front of a really fast moving bus?

Yeah, that\’s known as Monday Fuckery.

For real.

Since  Bob Geldof asked in a song tell me why I don\’t like Monday\’s?  I\’ll tell you.  Not as crazy as the inspiration behind the song mind you, clearly Barbara Ann Spencer had some serious issues or something.

Shit happens when I don\’t get enough sleep/

No really. It does.

So technically this is Sunday night antics leads to Monday Fuckery.  But whatever.

Point being I stayed up too late on Sunday night get all uber excited about my new smart phone and spent farrrrrrrr too much time playing angry birds   (speaking of angry birds & smart phones, it\’s FREE for Android and NOT for iphone HA!) anyway moving along…

So wake up at 5:30 am after going to bed at almost midnight (yeah I know smooth move there Steph) and it was FREEZING in my room.  Glass cutter needed?  Just give me a call, I\’m there!  I guess this is what I get for sleeping naked?  Hellooooooooo it\’s AUGUST FFS!  Jammies should not be required in what is considered the \’summer months\’ seriously.  My bed, so cozy & so very awesome.  I LOVE my bed.  Perhaps a little too much?

\"\"

 Seriously.  Look at that!  Doesn\’t it just make you want to crawl in it and have the most crazy sex you have ever had  epic sleep ever!?!

Of course it does.

Memory foam everything FTW!

So yeah, dragging my naked self out of bed at the butt crack of dawn, freezing my ass off (literally) wondering where in the hell my fuzzy robe was while having to pee really bad.  I really should just leave it on the floor instead of hanging up all nice and proper like.

Because that would make sense.

Anyway get myself mostly put together and then I can\’t find my damn jeans.  You know the one\’s I had in my hand and put down briefly to go do something and then for the life of my couldn\’t find again.  I mean seriously, WTF is that?  So there I am, trolling around my apartment mostly dressed sans pants while muttering where in the fuck are my jeans to myself whilst looking for said jeans.  Thankfully I had a clean pair on my \’chair-drobe\’ because lord knows, I hate doing laundry and the 5 foot pile of it in my room is testament to that very fact.  So after wasting loads of time getting ready and missing the bus that I wanted to take, I finally got my ass en route to work.

Staggered into the dep at the metro because this guy has some killer croissants and he also has coffee.  AKA the breakfast of champions.  It was insanely windy outside and all I wanted was to suck back some of my awesome coffee delicious-ness and get through my day.  Anyway, mission accomplished.  Cafe was consumed, as was the awesome croissant AND Can-Am not only arrived on time but they also didn\’t fuck up my produce order.  The best part, my banana\’s were actually fit for immediate consumption (they\’re the easiest to prepare) unlike the previous order where all 20lbs yes TWENTY POUNDS of my banana\’s were a hideous shade of day glow green!  Something very much like number 1\"\"

when really, ideally they\’d be closer to 5 seeing as how I order  then half & half.  So in theory they should be 2-3 & 4-5.  Took almost 2 weeks for those bastards to ripen!  Anyway, I had hope.  Hope that maybe today wouldn\’t turn out to be such a craptacular day!

I was wrong. 

Walking by Angela\’s desk, she commented that Jack Layton had lost his battle to cancer.  Figures that one of the few rare gems in politics, that most people liked died of some hideous disease.  Which hardly seems fair.  I pay scant attention to politics because well that always starts up a heated debate of some sort doesn\’t it?  That\’s why I\’d rather talk about food.  Everyone likes food.  The kitchen is usually the hub of anyone\’s home and it\’s comforting.  When people get into heated debates about food it\’s usually happy one\’s.  Amiright?

So yeah that sucked, more then a little.  Can\’t wait for the next election.  o.0

So my afternoon progressed without too much hassle.  Save for the odd incident here and there, but whatever.  By now, the caffeine high is winding down and I go from being tired to bitchy and tired.  Then I had to do laundry, at work no less.  Which generally isn\’t an issue, except that the settings on the machine are totally and utterly fubar\’ed to the point that I waste FAR too much time doing laundry, more then I should.  Of course, there\’s a fuck ton of it too.  YAY!

Then one of my co-workers pops her head in there to let me know that she had to leave her bowls on the counter because the dishwasher was full.  I\’m muttering (mostly to myself) how in the hell can the dishwasher be full?  We had almost no kids, ergo not that many dishes.

You know why the dishwasher was full?

BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE FUCKTARDS AND DON\’T KNOW HOW TO FILL A FUCKING DISHWASHER PROPERLY!  Jesus H. Christ!

Nothing and I do mean nothing irritates me more, than having to re-arrange the damn dishwasher like it\’s my fucking living room.  Seriously!   So because of that, I now have to construct an instruction sheet (with pictures) to show exactly how one fills the dishwasher.  You know, like I would have to for say my 3 year old\’s.  Because you know, lying an empty yogurt container on it\’s SIDE on top of a bunch of other dishes is the most effective way to get it clean.

This is why I don\’t like Monday\’s, even though you didn\’t ask.

I told you anyway.  You\’re welcome.

Let\’s see you write a song about that Geldof.

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Dear wolf crying, drama Queens.

The one thing I truly dislike about social media is the blatant abuse of it.  I get constant invites to bullshit \”causes\” such as tell Zynga to do what-the-fuck-ever with my farm/mafia/game show/ kid brother/ my pet monster, whatever.

THAT AIN\’T A FUCKING CAUSE YO!

Causes was created so that people who have legitimate charities/NFP organizations and  such to raise money and awareness about things that are important, you know like cancer?!? Your farm? Not so much.

I don\’t say that to be insensitive or mean, I play the odd game here and there on FB to procrastinate from doing things that I should be doing pass the time.  There\’s nothing wrong with that, although abusing such things like that are.  So. Very. Wrong.  So yeah, I report those. 

Yeah I totally am one of those people.

Anyway, another thing I dislike about social media in general is the need for it to be a popularity contest for some, an audience for others.  Whatever the reason, some people abuse it to a whole other level.  Such as a need to churn up constant drama!  Especially when I see things like this:

OMFG! NO ONE LOVES ME, I WANT TO DIE </3

I\’M GOING TO GO KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW!

(enter dramatic sigh/sob here)

You know what I say to that?

PLEASE DO!  Because then I don\’t have to:

  • A. block you from my news-feed anymore and/or kick you off my friends list for being a drama queen douche.
  • B. Wonder if this time you\’re actually being fucking serious or not.
  • C. Waste my precious time and training trying to help you help yourself when really you just have a low self esteem and need some fucking redemption of yourself!

Suicide is serious, so stop fucking around about it and making it into some personal fucking game for your attention seeking ways!

It\’s not to say that I don\’t care.  Because clearly I DO otherwise I wouldn\’t bother with this, nor this.  Suicide is no stranger to my life and out of all the people I lost, not one of them went ahead and broadcasted it all over the fucking internet.  The signs were there (they always are) however they\’re so subtle that you might not notice them if you\’re not paying attention.  The key to communication is to not only listen, but to hear what\’s NOT being said.  So when you scream suicide online like some fucking drama Queen idiot, the only thing you\’re saying to me is this: I need help, I need someone to love me.  NOT :I want to die.

So you think about this the next time you want to say shit like that, think about the people\’s heads you\’re fucking with, simply because you need attention.

Think long and fucking hard.

-Steph

 

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Apartment hunting is le suck!

I\’ve searched high and low for the almost perfect apartment.  I\’m a little spoiled where i\’m at right now being so close to a metro which I obviously prefer however I am willing to make some minor sacrifices.  Such as taking the bus or not being 100% central within reason.  Bear in mind I don\’t have a car so these things are nice to have in a relatively convient area.  The first place I went and checked out was OK, however I felt it wasn\’t near anything.  Then today my geographically challenged ass found out different (DUH!) so hopefully it\’s not too late to apply and hopefully I can score a 4.5 (2 bdrm) since they\’re quite reasonable at $555.00/month.  I looked at the one bedroom which was decent and it\’s cheaper then here!

Anyway, I took an application and kept looking just the same.  Holy shit, the dissapointment was UN-real!  I like most people have a budget of course and for the sake of having an extra bedroom to use as a guest room/office I was more then willing to spend a little more money.  False advertising should not be allowed when it comes to trying to rent your space!  IE: it\’s on the corner of such and such (ideal street) and then you call them and find out it\’s in a totally different part of town!

Then I looked at a place that\’s relatively close to a metro which is ideal, until I actually seen the place!  Strangest layouts I have ever encountered!  I seen two, both were in the $600.00 price range and included nothing (appliances, heat/hot water/hydro) was to be paid by the tenant.  Which would have been kind of OK except that 1. I don\’t own any appliances and aren\’t in the market to purchase any either.

One place had a fuse box (WTF!?!) I\’ve heard those aren\’t allowed in apartments anymore due to being a fire hazard and the current tenant told me that his hydro bill was $150/month!  Holy shit!  I pay $45.00 all year round pretty much.  Granted I don\’t cook here much or have a washer/dryer but still… Not only that it was totally open.  There was a claim of a closed room but I don\’t recall seeing one (?) so it was totally open concept and the floor was really soft in some places, so that wasn\’t ideal either.  Not only that ALL the flooring was this old, gross vinyl tile (ICK!)

The second one was not bad, although a tad large for my tastes.  Perhaps if the layout was different I would like it more.  It was also on the top floor, needed some major work and included nothing and had washer dryer hook-ups which is great if you have the money to buy them.  Yeah you can buy them second hand but then those usually don\’t come delivered and don\’t have warranties which bothers me.  Not only that, my sisters dryer caught on fire and almost wiped out my entire family so not down with buying used appliances!  So that in turn would end up costing me a small fortune.  I don\’t mind painting, sprucing a place up a little but that would cost more then I have.

I seen another one the other day which I really liked except for the floors.  Again with the ugly tile and carpet throughout.  I HATE carpet!  It\’s usually utilitarian and ugly, it was poorly laid and harbors dust, dirt and other icky things which I don\’t care for.  It was also in the basement which is kind of meh.  That could be changed though, that wasn\’t too big of a deal to me.  So we met and I called him back to confirm the place, leave a deposit and what have you and he just called to say that the woman who\’s using it as a cheap crash pad is keeping it. It was also kind of pricey at $580/month which included nothing.  I would have dealt with it because I LOVE that part of town.  Alas it was not meant to be apparently!

So today I go and see a place and it\’s *almost* perfect.  I loved the layout, the location was great, it included everything including a gas stove (total win) and the fridge, had a balcony, lots of windows and storage.  I could totally overlook the pink tub, toilet and sink.  Also the shitty paint job since I have every intention of changing it up anyway.  The landlord himself however?

Total ass-hat douche bag.

He focused far too much on the fact that I wouldn\’t give him my SIN, actually in fact got rather whiny about it.  Said that major rental agencies would refuse to give you the apartment if you don\’t give them that information and so forth.

Bullshit.

According to the office of the privacy commission of Canada you have to give written consent in order to access that information.  You also have the right to file a complaint with them if your rights have been denied or you have been refused a service because you refuse to disclose that information.  He (Wally) tried to tell me that it was my right NOT to disclose such information, it raised a red flag.  WTF?!?  A person\’s SIN number is a nine digit number that pretty much discloses your entire life.  I am ONLY required to disclose this information to my employers and the government and that\’s it!  I know for a fact that you can do a credit check WITHOUT having that particular information.  He tried to tell me that hydro Quebec required it and I called him on his bullshit.  I didn\’t have to give them my SIN number in order to get an account with them.  Yes most places do require a piece of ID, however I am not comfortable handing out my personal information to some random dude!

Anyway needless to say he got really whiny and rather pain in the ass like over deferential things that Do. Not. Concern. Him. Period.  Overall, he acted like a greedy, petulant child and pretty much knew that he blew it.  Which likely pissed him off but I\’m not an idiot and I am a responsible adult and I\’m also willing to compromise here and there but there are some things I will not budge on, simple as that.

So I\’m resorting back to the place I first looked at in the hopes that I can nab a 4.5 instead of the 3.5 going to give them a call in the morning and see.  I thought it was in a different part of town, but after being out on the hunt today, it\’s actually not as bad as I thought.  So worth a shot just the same!  That place had pretty much everything that I wanted as well, so here\’s to hoping!