The truth about income tax. A PSA:

It’s that time of year again!

I keep seeing cheeky meme’s such as this on social media:

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I hate to disappoint you, but that’s not how it works…

In order to actually get a tax return, you need to pay income tax.

Feel free to read more about how income tax works here.

I just did my taxes for 2015 and you want to know how much i’m getting back?

ZERO.

In spite of having limited income, being a student (with almost 3 grand in tuition costs), buying bus passes, donating to charity and more, I get nothing.
Because I didn’t pay that much into income tax or anything that is considered a write off last year to generate a refund.
So no being poor AF or being a student doesn’t automatically generate some sort of huge windfall during tax time.
In fact, you get nothing.
Just in case you weren’t aware. You are now.

You’re welcome.

 

 

You don’t get to compare. An open letter to people who don’t know when to STFU.

I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning on Christmas eve talking to my mom. Naturally my recently-ish deceased father came up in conversation. My mom had commented that someone (she didn’t point fingers or name names) had commented that it would appear that *I* was taking my fathers death much harder than my sister was.

How dare you? How dare you compare my grief to anyone else? What is wrong with you?!? 

You don’t compare someone’s grief like you do car insurance quotes!

A wise friend of mine said to me (after my father had passed) don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve. She was right and while I am battling this grief stricken path, her advice keeps rolling around in my head as I silently give the finger to the ignorant.

Here’s the thing about grief: everyone deals with it differently. There’s no time frame, there’s no rhyme or reason, it just is.

I had a complicated relationship with my father at times. I didn’t expect his death to hit me this hard, but it did. Notwithstanding the fact that I already have OCD, anxiety and suffer from A-typical depression.

I didn’t ask for these things, they just happened.

After my father passed away, it was like a chain reaction. Several friends of mine also became a member of the club that no one wants to belong to; the I lost a parent club. It’s membership is pretty exclusive and no one wants to join. Unless you’ve walked down that path, you have no idea. Even if you have lost a parent, we each handle grief differently. While we are all walking on the same path, our journey is no where near the same.

I made a conscious effort to be more open about my grief. Not because I wanted anyone’s sympathy or pity. For me, it was a move towards solidarity. There was/is so many of us coping with the same shit. We all needed the support among the hurt and tears.  Saying it out loud is what makes it real. I wasn’t there for the last, difficult leg of my fathers illness. I was blissfully ignorant, tucked away in Montreal with my head buried in my school work. While I did offer to come home on numerous occasions, I was always refused. My father wanted me to pursue my education and he didn’t want his impending death to hinder that. Kicking ass and graduating with honors was the least I could do.

I missed out on everything.

I’ve had to learn to cope and to heal in my own way.

Except I’m new to this whole loosing a parent thing and I don’t fucking know how.

You know nothing of my feelings. You don’t get to comment. You don’t get to compare.

You don’t get to tell me how to grieve.  

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You’re not invited.

It’s been brought to my attention that you would be hurt if I didn’t invite you to my wedding.

Hurt?!? Really?!?

Fuck you!
You should have thought about that before you shit on me for the last time. You are delusional if you think that I can just walk away from this and ‘forgive and forget’.

That’s not how this works. That’s not how ANY of this works as a matter of fact. I will NOT, under any circumstances, reward bad behaviour.

Perhaps you ‘forgot’ about the following incidents that have plagued me since last July.
I haven’t forgotten, and here’s a reminder for you.

-July 2014 you took the liberty of talking shit about me to several of my friends; behind my back when I came home to Ontario last summer.
Oh, you thought that I didn’t know?
I have VERY loyal friends who felt that I had the right to know what people were saying about me behind my back. You have a mouth the size of the Grand Canyon and you stop at nothing to try and make me look bad.

You are petty and jealous. You won’t succeed in making me look bad; you however are doing a fine job of making yourself look bad, along with jealous, petty, bitter and conniving. You just can’t help yourself.

You damaged several relationships with your petty bullshit. Thankfully I was able to restore most of them because people can see through you. That was uncalled for regardless.

In spite of it all, with the holidays coming up and knowing that it was most likely going to be my father’s last Christmas, I decided to be the bigger person and let it go. Even just for the holidays. So I did. It was one of the best Christmases I have had in a while and thankfully you managed to keep that toxic mouth of yours shut so that you didn’t ruin the holiday for the rest of us.

Let’s fast forward to February of this year. My father passes away and some piece of shit robs my childhood home and steals pretty much every damn thing.

ONCE AGAIN you take it to Facebook to spew forth your stupid petty bullshit.
I took you off my friends list; I couldn’t deal with you and your shit any longer.
You however took it a step further and blocked me. This is fine by me because now I don’t need to see –or- hear anymore of your toxic lies.

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May rolls around, it’s the weekend of my father’s memorial service. I arrived in Ontario on the Friday and there you were, furiously texting away on your phone. I seen you take a picture of me, one that I did not authorize, followed up by more furious texting. So it’s pretty obvious that you were once again, talking shit about me. Don’t try and deny that, I’m not deaf; in fact my hearing is just fine. If you’re going to try and sneak a picture of me, perhaps you should turn the sound off your damn phone.

My aunt drives you home, where you couldn’t resist yet another opportunity to talk shit about me. Which of course is brought to MY attention because fuck you.
My aunt took it upon herself to fill me in on how you lied to her about how I had been talking shit about you on Facebook, which is your MO, NOT mine. I am not that tacky thank you.
No need to get into specifics but the reality of the situation is this, after I was given the opportunity to explain MY side of the story to my aunt, even she said and I quote:” What is wrong with her?” Not ME. She was talking about YOU.

The next day, the day that I was honoring my father at his memorial service, you once again tried to steal the show and be the center of attention by being a bitter and vicious bitch.

You foolishly shoot your mouth off about me AT MY FATHERS FUNERAL to my family and friends and once again try and play the victim as you always do and expect me to NOT find out about it?!?

Are you brain dead?

And yet after alllllll that (and there is SO much more) you have the audacity to tell my mom that you would be hurt if you weren’t invited to my wedding?

You don’t get to pretend that everything is OK because YOU decided that it was because it’s not. Not even remotely close.
Learn how to deal with your fucking anger; no one is willing to indulge your sorry ass anymore. You aren’t adult enough, nor capable enough to deal with anger.

Lovely example you’re setting for your children by ignoring the problem for months and months and then all of a sudden out of no where you loose your shit several months later, scream and yell at people and then when YOU have your say, you think it’s over.

NO MORE.

Everyone keeps telling me to be the bigger person (once again) and let it go. This isn’t fucking frozen! 

I can’t trust you, and yet you want me to invite you to one of the most important days of my life?

I don’t fucking think so.

I even found a perfect song for you. (NSFW) or this one seems to be pretty accurate as well.

Priorities vs options and good intentions.

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There’s that saying: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” -Maya Angelou

Now don’t get me wrong.  Sometimes I am a sucky friend.  I’m the worst at keeping in touch with people at the best of times and it’s not because I don’t love my friends, I have legit memory issues and well adulting is hard yo!

I have learned one thing through the years though, even more so after moving to Montreal: who my circle is.  I have a lot of friends and I am fortunate to be surrounded by them and I am secure in the knowledge that they love me, even when I am not always around, or when I am not very lovable.

I have one very important thing in common with these people though: Loyalty.

I know who will be there for me in a heartbeat and I know who won’t.  Some people I can count on when it really matters and some not so much…  So it irritates me when some people complain that I come home and I don’t go out of my way/make the time to see them.  It’s not usually a secret when I come home (except for that one time) and I’m really not that hard to find when I am in Ontario.  Up until recently, I would always be staying at the same house.

Mind you, it depends on why I returned in the first place.  I had truly wanted to meet up and see a ton of people but I was just done.  So done with this whole adulting thing and having just finished up final exams for this term, my mom sold the house, my dad died and the list goes on and on.

I was SO very, tired this time around.

So sadly I missed out on a lot of stuff, but it was in part by sheer exhaustion, not so much by choice.  I made my mom and option this time around.  I didn’t come home to Ontario for a vacation per se. I came home to give back because I haven’t been able to help out as much in a physical sense, I was however pulling my weight behind the scenes which is just as exhausting. Except some people don’t ‘see that’ and it doesn’t count in their mind.

But fuck them.  Seriously. 

Anyway, it was nice to be able to come home and not only help out my mom but indulge her a little.  It doesn’t take much to make her happy and if taking her out for a few meals and doing some laundry makes her day a little brighter, than so be it. She’s the best mom ever and she totally deserves it.  She bends over backwards to make people happy, even when they don’t deserve it.

I did make it a point to stay later this time with the hopes of seeing/doing more but i’m old yo and when I don’t get enough sleep and my allergies are being douchy I get uber lethargic and it just takes too much effort overall, even more for those who would never respond in kind (aside from my mom putting my ass to work on the daily).  You get what you put in after all. However, to the people who claim to miss me and complain and carry on that *I* don’t make time for them…

Would you make time for me?  Montreal isn’t that far, I’ve lived there for 11 years now and only five of my friends have made the trip to see me.  I don’t care about your excuses.  I know some circumstances can’t be helped, I totally get that…  However I am unemployed, a student and yet I made the trek for the second time this year.  There are SO many ways to come see me on the cheap, you just need to be willing to do them.

So your excuse(s) is invalid.