Category Archives: Epic FAIL!

by

The 2009 review

Well the year is almost over…  There\’s lots I could say to sum it up but to coin a phrase from Catlin \”2009 for me was the absolute highest highs and the lowest lows. I experienced pure, unadulterated joy and rock bottom, brutal sadness. I felt about as angry as I ever have.\” Hope she doesn\’t mind, but in all honestly I really couldn\’t have said it better myself!  Brilliantly put Catlin, that\’s all I have to say 🙂  Reading other people\’s blogs has its advantages since it was Catlin that pointed out that Gillian answers a serious of questions every year after skimming through them I thought well you know, why not?  So thank you Gillian for making this blog entry a little easier!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Lots of things!  Went to places I\’ve never been before and more importantly became a little more true to myself.  Oh and I went boxing day shopping with my mom & sister and didn\’t buy a  single hoodie!  (I have a hoodie addiction)  Seriously…  You reading this Micheal lol.  I actually bought girly attire…  I gotta say though I do love that angora sweater 😉

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I haven\’t bothered with them in years.  I do however hope that 2010 is a whole lot better then 2009 was!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

not particularly close per say, but a few people I know are proud parents.  However  my best friend of 20+ years is pregnant 🙂

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes

5. What countries did you visit?

How about provinces? I went to Ontario as per the usual in the summer and just got back from Christmas there too.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

peace of mind!

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

September 3rd one of my best friends died and that day changed my life.  RIP Jason, I love you!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Wow that\’s a tough one.  Can\’t really say I actually have one which is kind of sad in a way but this year was full of so. much. fail.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not being there for someone when they needed me the most.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Well aside from the Advil overdose because of that epic tooth pain I had, the infection that followed which SUCKED not really.  Injury\’s well I hurt myself at work quite a bit but its rather minor in comparison.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A new computer (thanks mom <3)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My sister

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Jason…

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, the dentist, visa

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My tattoos! lol

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Can\’t say I have one particular song in mind.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Although I can\’t totally recall how I felt this time last year I know due to circumstances that I am most certainly sadder, thinner and hands down a whole lot more poor too lol.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Been there more for my friends/family.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

procrastinated, stressed out, getting angry and less crying!  Did far too much of that this year!

20. How did you spend Christmas?

I was in Ontario with my immediate family and it was awesome!  I had a really good Christmas this year in the end.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

nope.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Family guy!  Although I haven\’t watched a lot of TV this year and I\’m canceling the cable soon because of it.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No.

24. What was the best book you read?

I read so many good ones this year!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Haven\’t made any of those…

26. What did you want and get?

Tickets to Metallica!  A new computer,  a cat with thumbs, some beautiful tattoo work of course/

27. What did you want and not get?

Jason to be alive.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Didn\’t see enough movies to even garner a proper response for that one.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 31…  Had a small soiree with my friends at my apartment and it was fabulous!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

not being in debt and being back in school already!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

ha ha this year was a bit of a transformation of sorts.  I\’ve always been a jeans/t-shirt/hoodie girl.  I still am but I have gotten more \”girly\” attire and started wearing heels!  That\’s a little crazy in itself!

32. What kept you sane?

My friends, I honestly don\’t know what I would have done without them this year!  I am so very fortunate to have such amazing people in my life!

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

That\’s not my style, I could care less about that sort of thing.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

H1N1 Jesus Christ!  All the hype and bullshit holy fuck!

35. Who did you miss?

Jason, my mom

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Define met, I can say who the best new person I\’ve talked to but have yet to meet is.  They already know that though and if they don\’t well they should!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Life is short, too short!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day\’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What\’s worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts \’cause there\’s no second try
So live like you\’re never living twice
Don\’t take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day-Nickleback

So in closing, this year sucked in SO many ways…  Tons and tons of soul sucking drama, far too many tears and heartbreak and things that just speak of pure evil.  Although there were a few rare moments of happiness that made them all that much more precious.  In the end its the little things that matter and that was a lesson that I sadly learned the hard way.
So 2009 wasn\’t a total loss, just a very difficult year.  In the end, I have learned that inspiration can come from the strangest things but leads to something beautiful.  I\’m not going to rattle of names, but I can only hope that those who were there for me either directly or indirectly when I needed them the most, who gave me some very much needed closure in inadvertently assisting me with my memorial tattoo for Jason and those who just made this year suck a little less, your awesome and I am so totally grateful that you were there even if it was only for a brief period of time <3
Here\’s to hoping that 2010 is full of much better things for us all 😉
by

Clearing something up…

OK first of all, I forgot to mention this a while ago so I\’m saying something about it now.  When you like someone (doesn\’t matter the gender) and  you are so socially in-adequate for a number of reasons that your not getting any…  Interrogating the person that you like by asking \”what went wrong in the last relationship(s) that you had?\” is NOT. OK. EVER.  First of all I at least happen to be smart enough to know that your just making a lame really bad attempt at trying not to be \”that guy\” as in the guy(s) I\’ve broken up with…  Everyone has a past, that\’s just the way it is.  So yes its bound to come up in conversation once in a while for whatever the reason.  Doesn\’t mean that we/they\’re not over it (because chances are we are) its just a part of our life.   That\’s just the way that it is…  However sometimes those subjects are touchy for whatever the reason and can on occasion induce fits of rage and are best left un-said.  Its one thing to be curious about the person your interested in but making them feel like they should be in an interrogation room is not.

So let\’s talk about my ex \”husband\” just to clear this up.  Not that I really feel that this is anyone\’s business per say, its not exactly a secret either.  The situation as a whole is a tad complicated and I get tired of explaining it, so from here on out if you don\’t read my blog, then I ain\’t telling you.  When I met him I still lived in Ontario and he lived here.  My past isn\’t all that \”pure and innocent\” as some people would like to believe (sorry but it is what it is and made me the person I am today).   Yes I did have one very UGLY abusive relationship among other ones that just didn\’t work out for whatever the reason.  Anyway we became fast friends & he had partially jokingly said you should move to Montreal and start over.  Little did he know I actually thought that was an amazing idea!  Cambridge has its charms but I was getting sick of the same old, same old and needed a change.  I figured it wouldn\’t have been so bad because I had a friend.

That was until we started dating, then it came down to who\’s going to live where.  He of course preferred that I moved to Mtl (who can blame him) and I wanted to get away anyway.  So in October of 2003 I came to visit him and fell in love with Montreal.  His parents were super religious (his father is a minister) and they don\’t believe in the whole sex/living together before marriage thing (this will be come relevant in a minute).  During said visit to Montreal that fall I seen the apartment that I would soon make my home and we got engaged.  So then we set the date, started making plans for my move and the wedding.  His parents posed a problem so we had to lie and say that I was staying with a friend in Lasalle (which at the time, I didn\’t even know where Lasalle was) until we got married.

I moved here on February 21st 2004 and even though I was living with him we had to maintain that ruse that  I was living with my imaginary friend and leaving all my furniture and what not with him at the apt. we had.  Got settled in, got a job and a car blah blah blah.  So in June that same year I had to go back to Ontario to tie up some loose ends and we told everyone that we \”eloped\” at city hall in Ontario.  Because we were originally planning on getting legally married in Ontario because then I could assume his last name (because I HATE mine) except we never did at that point because we couldn\’t afford it ($300.00 with the license/getting married at city hall) at that time so we figured we would a day before the actual wedding.   This way I could live with him freely (read without his parents hassling us, who didn\’t even live ON the island).

So my car needed a ton of repairs.  Caught on fire once, replaced the entire exhaust system, brakes, leaf spring blah blah blah.  Before we were due to leave to go to Ontario where we were getting married something got replaced on the car and the mechanic at Midas pointed out the ball joints on my front axle were due to go at any time and they needed to be replaced along with a few other minor things before it would be safe to make that long of a trip.  There went the $300.00 we had saved for the license and the actual \”wedding\” at city hall to make it legal.  Turns out we didn\’t have enough time anyway due to a million delays here in Montreal.

We asked his dad to preform the ceremony but he couldn\’t legally marry us in Ontario without someone from a religious order from Ontario in attendance which is why we were planning on going that route but his whole family thought we were already married (we even had the rings) and we were just \”going through the motions\” of the ceremony and having a reception.  So yes I had the dress, we had the rings and the whole nine yards, it was just never made legal.  The only \”legal\” marriage we had was strictly common law and nothing more.  So technically I was married, we just never bother making that happen on paper.  Sounds confusing?  I know, try telling/explain that a 100 times!  So in the end, we split up but I did consider him to be my husband in every sense of the word.  Why we broke up isn\’t relevant, it got ugly for a while be we have since sorted that out and even though were not best friends I no longer wish that he would get hit by a bus. We have both moved on with our lives and I\’ve been over it for a very long time.  The memories are bittersweet, just another chapter in my life story.

Since I\’ve been asked on numerous occasions for pictures since I don\’t have any posted (well duh were not together anymore)  here\’s a few to satisfy the curious:

In any case, it was one hell of a night!  Even though its said and done, people are still talking about it lol.

by

Bittersweet endings, F.A.I.L, epiphany\’s & other things…

Wow, that\’s really all I have to say for the moment…  What a strange week its been around here!  Where in God\’s name do I start?  There\’s lots that\’s totally worth mentioning so be prepared for one long ass post.  I suggest you grab some popcorn and get comfortable lol.

So lets backtrack just a little bit here…  A couple of weeks ago I sent a text message to someone at random and got a reply back saying \”I thought you weren\’t talking to me anymore\” all because of something I had posted via my twitter newsfeed .  Which was (I\’m assuming) something to do with my \”date\” with Ian.  OK first of all, I answer to NO ONE; that should be established from the get go.   So to sum that up, if I\’m NOT your girlfriend then really I have no claims to you and you have zero claims to me.  Regardless of how much I may/may not like you, that\’s irrelevant if you drop in and out of my life like a damn yo-yo.  I don\’t care how busy you are, *if* I matter that much to someone, find the time.  It only takes a minute to at least make the effort even if its only a simple text message.

I get busy too, but I still put forth the effort, especially now.  You see I felt still feel guilty (a little less so now) when Jason died for not being there.  Mostly because I was a little too wrapped up in my own life to be there for my friend and now he\’s gone and I miss him dearly.  Maybe that e-mail wouldn\’t have made a difference and I\’m pretty sure it wouldn\’t have but at least I would have known that I had put forth the effort to let him know that I was there and that I still cared.  Now I can\’t do that anymore and its still very heartbreaking.  In any case, I\’m still \”free\” to do what with whomever I choose seeing as how I highly doubt at this point that anything will ever come out of the situation that I\’m referring to.

Even if I would prefer that it did (which I am not discussing)…  You never know.  Bottom line is this: I don\’t think its fair for someone to expect me to put my life on hold for them because they\’re too busy for me right now.  Yeah I get that work can be a time whore, but if you treat me this way now; how much of a difference would it make *IF* I was in fact that persons actual girlfriend?  That\’s crossed my mind on several occasions in spite of that strange hold they have over me…  You snooze you loose!  Should have made the time if you end up missing out, at this rate I DON\’T see that happening.   But still, if it does, they have no one to blame but themselves.   How is this relevant to what I\’m about to post?  You\’ll see in a minute, I\’m getting to that…

So in my quest for a new job, which was an epic pain in my ass I finally nailed one!  I was starting to get a little concerned about that whole situation since I\’d sent out countless (read 45) CV\’s and didn\’t get a call back and for the life of me couldn\’t figure out why not…  Then it dawned on me, all of my job titles were \”higher\” up positions as in executive Chef, sous Chef and so forth.  Whereas most people are hiring cooks.  Yes there is a distinct difference between the two.  Mostly skills, qualifications, education and experience.

So I \”dumbed down\” my job titles and then all of a sudden, I become miss popular and people started calling THANK GOD!  Anyway had a job interview on Tuesday, job trial for said place on Thursday and got hired YAY!  I don\’t think I start until Monday, waiting for that ever so elusive e-mail from the new boss to let me know!  No more getting up in the morning for me!  Although some of those shifts fall into the \”relationship killer\” category I\’ll deal.  That\’s the life of this industry and few understand it unless you\’ve been a part of it before.

So Friday was my last day at Gryphon and its ending was bittersweet to say the least.  I met lots of great people & made some fabulous friends along the way while I was there.  But alas my employment there was not meant to be for a number of reasons, none of which I am going to disclose, since most people that I physically talk to already know.  In any case I had a long talk with my former boss and left on a positive note. Which was nice, its not that either she or myself are bad people.  I learned a lot and there were times when she really helped me out and I never forgot those times.  So in spite of how I left, I still went out and bought her flowers just to say thank you.

In the end, Jason\’s death affected me in a number of ways that I didn\’t even take into consideration.  So needless to say, things are going to change.  Hopefully for the better, perhaps not but I\’ll never know if I don\’t try.  Its been almost 2 months now since he\’s been gone and it still hurts but not nearly as bad as it once did which is something I\’m eternally grateful for.  I\’m pretty sure I\’ll always be emotionally retarded over the whole thing seeing as how his death was just so damn senseless!  But in any case, his death really made me re-evaluate a lot of things and put them into perspective for me.

So the other day I was getting waxed & I jokingly mentioned that I had a hot date on Friday ( I actually had a party to go to).  She says oh your single? Then we got to talking about random things associated with dating and what not.  I didn\’t think much of it until someone passed a message onto me that so & so wanted to speak with me and could I please come in when I had a free minute.  I looked a little perplexed because its not as if my cosmetician and I have any type of \”relationship\” outside of pedicures and getting waxing done.  So I went in there, and joking said what are my eyebrows going to fall off?  She pulls me into the back room, says she has a favor to ask.  Long story short, a member of their family needs residency and wants ME to marry him so that he can stay here.  On paper only of course but its not that simple.  Granted I knew little about the immigration process until Carly moved to VW to be with her beloved.   In any case I know enough now to know that unless I actually want to be with someone that bad, its really far from worth the risk/responsibility/headaches that are associated with such matters.  Needless to say, that was really random & totally odd!

So let\’s talk about this whole dating thing now shall we…  I went out last night and later on someone came over.  Doesn\’t totally qualify as a \”date\” per say, we just hung out and watched a movie.  No in case any of you are wondering, I didn\’t get any…  As much as I would LOVE to divulge the details of one rather amusing (to me at least, hugely embarrassing for him) incident I won\’t because well, its just mean to do so.  However if you really want to know, feel free to ask and I will spill (no pun intended)! So I thought I should compile a list of things that have happened/been said throughout the years that would likely fall into the \”dating don\’t category\” so read on kids, because this might save your ass and/or your date with someone.  Even more so if your going on a date with me 😉

  1. Its very sweet of you to compliment my tattoos.  However telling me if I was your girlfriend that you would love to spunk all over them isn\’t exactly cool.  I really, hate being jizzed on!  I don\’t like anything sticky for that matter.
  2. Have some sense of self control.  Apparently I\’m pretty exciting to be around, but please try to contain yourself.
  3. If you think there\’s a possibility that you might get laid & might not be able to withstand yourself for more then 5 seconds…  Jerk off at home, not in my bathroom!  Yes WE do notice these things, especially when you miss.  Thanks…
  4. Asking your date if you have condoms and when the reply is yes (most of us are responsible and prepared for just about anything, after all were woman) throwing your fist up in the air and screaming YES!!!!!!!!!!! Is NOT acceptable… EVER
  5. Yelling oh no stop, oh shit that was bad isn\’t cool either.  Especially when we\’re right in the middle of something.  Makes us wonder what on earth your problem is/what were doing wrong!
  6. Have a clue about how things work please!
  7. Virginity, chances are were not going to care if your a virgin (well I at least don\’t but seeing as how I\’m 31 chances are you\’ll be in my age range and I will start to wonder) because its good to know!  Not only would we be the ones taking your \”V\” card, we wouldn\’t make fun of you for lack of experience either.  Because we will, that\’s just how it works.
  8. Don\’t ask us to call/text you and then proceed to blow us off when we do, ignoring us won\’t work!
  9. Relationships are like shopping for say a house or a car, we\’re going to shop around for the best option in this case and that may not be you.  However its always best to establish exactly what your after BEFORE we allow you into our/your bed, let alone anywhere else for that matter.   That goes both ways of course.
  10. Pointing out that you have a raging hard-on and have every intention of jerking off when you get home.  That\’s on a need to know basis and guess, what?  I DON\’T need to know thanks!

I could go one, but suffice to say I\’m sure I\’ll find something to add to this list later on.

by

The truth doesn\’t set you free…

Whomever came up with that statement should really get a kick in the face!  Honesty doesn\’t always get you everywhere or anywhere for that matter.  You see I\’ve been in this crappy culinary industry for 16 years now,  and have gained enough expertise through the years teamed up with a partial education to really truly call myself a Chef.  I\’m quite PROUD of that, no reason why I SHOULDN\’T be either if you ask me.  Thankfully all the hard work in the past has paid off and for the past few years I\’ve managed to snag some pretty high end job titles and the responsibly that come along with it.  GO ME!    However after the soon to be loss of my current job and sending out well over 40 cv\’s to places that were hiring (below my skill level mind you but with decent enough pay to cover my expenses and still have a  life) with very few phone calls in return I was starting to wonder.

But you see, after oodles of utter & EPIC frustration, something dawned on me after being told on numerous occasion that I was \”over qualified\” but thanks for applying anyway that it was necessary to lie on my CV about my qualifications read dumb them the hell down!  Very few places are hiring actual Chef\’s/sous Chef\’s and if they are chances are I\’m not qualified enough since I don\’t have my red seal nor do I plan on getting it even though i am more then eligible and have been for years or not ethnic enough with the added required languages of God knows what aside from the usual English/French.  So instead of saying I was the executive anything most of my job titles save for the exception of 1 sous Chef position because it was just too recent and I know that he would have said as much if called upon for a reference.   I simply replaced all my I worked my ass off for job titles to \”cook\” and well what do you know, all of a sudden I\’m not so \”over qualified\” anymore.

So last night after occasionally returning to a particular \”help wanted section\” online and refreshing the page I put my sneaky ninja stalker skills to good use and nabbed myself a job interview this evening.  So I went and I had a much better feeling about this place then the one in Lasalle & that pointless interview I had in CDN as well.  It just seems more my deal so I talked to the executive Chef and I have a job trial on Thursday.  I LOVE the concept of this place, its not an actual \”restaurant\” per say.  You can \”eat in\” but their main focus is on gourmet take out & delivery and I\’d be rocking the grill & saute which are the more \”coveted\” sections on a line since those are the ones that actually require some real skill as opposed to working any other one.

Which is slightly amusing since I was talking to Mat yesterday about my interview in CDN and how I was gravely insulted that A: It was a garde manger position and B the starting wage was $9.10/hour (I mean seriously are you kidding me?).  So I jokingly said there\’s no way in hell that I\’m going to be a glorified salad bitch for so little money and it really is the lowest rank on an actual line and usually the lowest paid job.  When Mat turned around and said hey, that\’s my position at my restaurant.  *Open mouth, insert foot* good thing I have small feet and a big mouth apparently!  Thankfully Mat has a sense of humor (and laughed all the while defending his position) and well in my own personal defense he\’s only been doing this for 4 years and I\’ve been doing it for 16 so I feel slightly entitled to be a \”title snob\” of sorts.

I don\’t know what the deal is with that place in Lasalle other then they have proven to be terribly un-professional for one thing and the line up they have (staff wise) is HORRENDOUS!  I\’ve never seen so many things occur in my 2 hours of cooling my heels waiting for Domenic\’s ass to show up(which he never did) then I think I have ever, with the exception of that one place that I worked at in the village briefly…  By briefly I mean I stayed for an hour and I quit.  So I\’m not getting my hopes up but I actually kind of hope that I get this job that I had the interview at tonight, it just felt right and I like that!  Not only that, a few of the guys that work there are HOT!  Not that I would personally involve myself with anyone at work ever as a rule but hey, nothing wrong with some awesome eye candy to help pass the time 😉