Monthly Archives: January 2010

by

Out with the old and in with the new…

New Schedule hooray!  I don\’t particularity care for it per Se since its 6 freaking days a week but 3 of those days are half days and the best part: THEY\’RE DURING THE DAY!  So maybe, I can get my ass back on track, have a life and you know all those good things!  So I think I will be speaking with Leanne about this whole personal Chef business because now I can totally pull it off and I need the cash.  The sooner I get my visa bill paid off the sooner I can get my derriere back in school and get the hell out of this industry and that\’s what I\’m after the most!   I have to say that this new schedule of mine feels somewhat liberating!  No more working til 4am (except for one day a week no biggie) and maybe no more feeling so lethargic all the time either!  In any case I am going to see my hot Dr. about getting my thyroid tested because I\’m always tired and cold.  I think its under-active (very much like myself)  :p So that\’s on my to look into list and I\’ll be doing that sometime this week seeing as how I\’ve been like this for years and nothing much as helped aside from lots and lots of caffeine!

My newest tattoo addition is healing beautifully and I am quite happy about that!  When it started to scab over it was a tad gross because the kept falling into my cleavage and it looked like I had some strange disease or as someone pointed out, looked like I had ants in my bra…  My lovely friend Jeremy came in from Maine with his super sweet new Beau Tim and we had a fabulous brunch at my house.  It was so great to see them both!

So tomorrow I have to run to the post office and mail my rent via registered mail, do my laundry, pop into Gryphon and see my ladies!  Call the clinic about getting those tests done and talk to Leanne who is hopefully in the office when I pop in.  I also have to finish cleaning my apartment!  I made some minor changes to the decor around here and got rid of some stuff that I don\’t need any longer.  The garbage men are going to likely hate me but its nice to De-clutter one\’s home 🙂  Some stuff can be donated and it will be, or I\’ll just put an ad up on CL in the free section to get rid of it that much faster.  I also have to network my old PC and my new one so that I don\’t have to spent an eternity burning CD\’s and what have you.  That\’s going to be a slightly cumbersome task but at least I\’ll have all my programs on here.  Especially Microsoft office because I don\’t have the CD anymore and well I don\’t see a point in buying it again and of course my new computer (which I love!) only has the 60 day trial.  Not to mention all the other programs that I have trapped in my old HDD.  I could just switch them out but this one is bigger (460g) vs my old one (80g) and the OS isn\’t the same either.

Then maybe I\’ll get back on track with my website!  For now though I\’m going to focus on getting caught up on some much needed things around here and in my day to day life first.  I\’m finding it really difficult to sum up the motivation to work on that I have to admit.  It just seems so damn tedious…  I\’ve contemplated throwing in the towel on numerous occasions but, as everyone has said:\”You\’ve come this far\” but I still have such a LONG way to go…  But hey if its meant to be, it\’ll happen right?

On a final note: Some seasonal (Christmas) humor leftover from the holidays.   Sketchy Santa &  The ultimate prank

by

My own personal reminder

They say that imitation is the most sincerest form of flattery, which is a phrase that tends to come to mind when I get a memorial tattoo.  For me tattoos are like therapy, its something beautiful to look at in spite of the pain you may experience and something that you can cherish all the days when your loved one is gone.  In some cases it can also bring some much needed closure when you can\’t find it anywhere else.

On September 3rd 2009 I got some of the most tragic news I had ever experienced in my entire life.  Jason Cartwright who was my dear friend, confidant and business partner had passed away in the wee hours of the morning.  The shock and the pain of getting that news was the metaphorical equivalent to that of being hit by a mac truck.  I screamed, I yelled and I cried what felt like a river of tears.  I haven\’t been the same since that day, nor do I ever expect to be again.  Oddly enough it was a love of modifications that brought Jason and I together.  Jason mentioned on a few occasions that he wanted to get another tattoo and commented that he would love if I designed one for him.  I\’m pretty sure that what I have, wasn\’t what he himself had in mind.  I can certainly say that its not what I had in mind in the first place, as I would very much prefer to have designed a tattoo for him to wear as opposed to myself.

I still have a ton of questions that I know will never have any answers.  I never did blame myself for what he did, I did however become so consumed with quilt over his death that I was afraid it was going to swallow me whole.  Had he died as the result of some horrible disease, or an accident of some kind then maybe I could have at least come to terms with what happened.  Jason\’s suicide wasn\’t a total surprise but I felt as if I could have done more.  I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn\’t pay nearly enough attention to what was going on around me.  I had this nagging voice in my head to e-mail him, to reach out and let him know that I was OK and more importantly to remind him that even though things weren\’t that great that they would be OK sooner or later.  I kept saying to myself, tomorrow I\’ll e-mail him just to let him know that I was there.  Reminds me of the Charles Hanson Towne poem: Around the corner Plenty of tomorrows came and went and I never did send that e-mail like I had intended.  Would it have made a difference? Maybe, perhaps just for a little while longer.  I\’ll never truly know.  The what ifs, the maybes, the could have, should have but didn\’t ran through my mind for months.  I knew I wanted to get a tattoo to represent him and how much he meant to me but it was really a matter of what.

See to me, memorial tattoos should signify the person.  A permanent representation of what they meant to you.  Problem with that was I knew Jason on a very personal, almost intimate level but in some ways I never really \”knew him\”, what he liked and things of that nature aside from programming.  So needless to say I was totally stuck on that one.  I had already decided on the script previously, which oddly enough I seen on the back of someone\’s shirt in the metro one day.   That however was back in the summer and I had originally wanted to add that to the memorial pieces I already had on my chest.

Continue reading →

by

A quickie!

As usual, I have a ton of things to say, but not nearly enough time to say it!  I did however come up with a pretty fabulous idea I think…

So its officially 2010 and I had a fabulous day today!    Spent some time with my lovely friend Jeremy & his lovely boyfriend Tim.  Had a fabulous brunch at my house which everyone enjoyed.  Tomorrow is off to home depot to get something I need for my kitchen, wasn\’t going to buy it but its on sale and I need it for my apartment so might as well since its $40.00 off!

Hope everyone had/has a fabulous new year!