Religion is a touchy subject for most people and like politics is best not discussed unless you want to get into some crazy kind of debate that could last for hours on end and with a few punches thrown here and there.  Or you know if you live in the US you might end up shot or something…  After all guns come with bank accounts or something like that.

Anyway, I know a few people in 12 step programs for various reasons.  There\’s nothing wrong with that.  However after having a conversation with a co-worker of mine and my own personal thoughts of being catholic and how I have essentially denounced my religion and instead choose to focus on my own set of beliefs and have faith in what I choose to.  I don\’t discuss these with anyone, it\’s none of their business.  I do however agree with my co-worker when she said it\’s the faith that you have in your heart that matters.

She\’s got an impeccable point. I wholly agree with it.

Strangely enough this whole conversation started with her asking about life in Ontario in terms of health care and stuff which somehow led to immigration and my re-telling of the story of the Muslim mother who cried discrimination because her religion wasn\’t being respected in a Catholic based institution of learning.  Which in turn led to the discussion of why I am no longer a \”practicing catholic\” I can\’t say I ever really was.  I\’m not a big church goer and really only go when I have to.  IE: weddings, funerals and so forth.  Although I went through all the steps of getting my first communion and all that other stuff…  My dear grandmother is likely rolling in her grave right about now (sorry Nan I mean no disrespect).

Now don\’t get me wrong, I have no issues with anyone\’s religious choices.  As a matter of fact I am innately curious about most cultures and their spiritual beliefs and working in a daycare that has a wide range of cultures and backgrounds most parents are usually more then happy to indulge my innate curiosity about why they do this that and the other thing as are my friends.  Which is awesome.  I am a nerdy girl after all and I love to learn.

However, there are some aspects of organized religion that disturb me.  Especially Catholicism.  No one likes a hypocrite and well the catholic religion is FULL of it.  Can\’t use birth control in any form, and countless other things that I simply will not get into because I believe that everyone has a right to choose and the right to their opinion and this isn\’t the place for a hardcore debate.  However the one thing that really rubs me the wrong way is say for example a child is born with Down syndrome, which is sad in and of itself depending on the severity and the deeply religious will tell you that that\’s \”God\’s way\”.

Sure, I bet they don\’t have any special needs children now do they?

That\’s OK, except it\’s not OK to be Gay or some other sexual based \”affliction\” (pardon the term, I mean no disrespect) such as being transgendered and so forth.  Although as it was explained to me once, you do what comes naturally to you.  Being gay is something you\’re pretty much born with.  OK not pretty much, you just are.  Whatever, you know what I mean.  So it\’s OK to say that God wanted your child to be born \”UN-perfect\” except for that?  Um, right…

I love how other religions are ceremonious.  I\’ll ask people why is it that you do or don\’t do that and I always get a well explained answer.  Things that appear meaningful and special and spiritual.  I get that, I also respect it.  Even if I on occasion don\’t understand it or agree with all of it.  Some of it is actually quite nice.

Then you have the Catholics:\”What do you mean we can\’t do that?\” \”Says who?\”

Answer: God said no, or the pope or it was written in the bible that was re-written several times over and has become a literature style version of the telephone game.

Right.

I\’ve read parts of the bible and parts of it do make some sense to a degree.  I only say that because some of those things occur in the here and now.  So ladies you can pretty much blame Eve for all the crappy things that happen to us.  She was a bitch apparently.  Thanks for nothing!

Anyway…  What does that have to do with 12 step programs?  A lot actually.  You see I suffer from a form of depression, brought on by circumstance.  I also have a form of OCD and get afflicted with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) during these long ass, crappy winter months.  All in all a lethal cocktail of mental illness.  Something happened over the course of last week that I am not proud of and could have very well damaged a relationship I have with someone that I cherish dearly.  It was then that I decided to throw in the towel and decided to seek help.

I flat out refuse to go on medication.  I feel that as a society we are over labeling and over medicating ourselves.  Most Dr\’s do not want to take the time to actually find out what the root cause of your problems are.  They just whip out a prescription pad and send you on your way.  Therapy is pretty damn costly and seeing as how I studied psychotherapy and I am also a certified suicide intervention specialist I would rather not pay someone else to tell me what I already know.

Although a little help and support could prove to be beneficial for just about anyone who\’s had the same amount of shit dumped on them as I have in the past little while.  Not that I\’m having a pity party for myself, it\’s just been a really rough time for me since Jason died, and loosing another friend and countless other things hasn\’t \”helped\”.  Not only that I have an ass load of baggage that really needs to just go.  So off to the internet I go and goggled something to the effect of a 12 step program for depression.  Figuring that  I might get some help and support that I am in dire need of.  In a far more cost effective fashion at that since most of them are run on donations and so forth and don\’t have a set price per se.

The problem?

Every single one of them makes a ton of references to God and or religion.  I personally don\’t agree with this and it makes me Uncomfortable.  As I mentioned, I have my own set of beliefs that  I keep to myself and don\’t need anyone cramming biblical quotes into every orifice of my body.  While this may not apply to all 12 step programs, the one\’s I have found that deal specifically with what ails me personally pretty much center around religion.

I\’m not down with that.  Although I think I have found something that just might be what I need, as in specific to dealing with the issues I face everyday without bringing God into the equation.  I mean hey, if it get\’s you through the day and brings you comfort, there is NOTHING wrong with that.  It\’s just something that doesn\’t work for ME personally.  Just thought I would point that out before someone attempts to burn me alive or something.  Got that haters? Good.

Although, one is left to wonder do they bring religion into the equation because everyone needs something to believe in?

Why not work on believing in yourself first?