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The little things, things that happen for a reason and why I choose Champix…

Yes, they all tie in together.  Really 🙂

I was out having breakfast this morning when I over heard the person behind me ask the guy at another table if he had a cigarette.  Other person smugly replied, you got a quarter?  To which he said nope, sorry I do not.  Again with the smugness \’I guess not for you then\’.  I sat there thinking, what a douche bag.  What if that was you and you had no smokes, no money and wanted one?  So I\’m sitting there thinking, this guy is innocently sitting there with his coffee and the thought crossed my mind, what if that was me? Also being a smoker and coffee drinker, they both go hand in hand.

I reached into my purse, pulled out a cigarette and handed it over no questions asked.  His face lit up and he said to me\’ Well that was un-expected, thank you!\’  He looked so happy!  That was nice, because I knew that he truly appreciated the gesture and he didn\’t even ask me.  He also wasn\’t a douche bag about it either.  Sometimes a random act of kindness can make someone\’s day suck a little bit less.

Then I went off to the clinic and to my delight and surprise, it was almost empty and I got to see the Dr. within the hour. We discussed my previous attempts on trying to quit and whether or not this was ideal for me.  I was impressed with her professionalism and the fact that she took the time to educate herself about my past history (even though I have a different Dr. within the clinic) and educate me about taking a slightly controversial smoking cessation drug.  I\’ve gotten some criticism for deciding to go this route and before I get more allow me to fill everyone in on my previous attempts to quit:

  • Cold turkey was a bust on numerous occasions.  No matter how determined I was, I always ended up failing.  Although I know numerous people who have quit this way (including my mom) and I salute you for it.  I also admire your dedication and determination as well.  The longest I made it was 24 days.  Then I caved.
  • The patch: Gave me nightmares, made me break out in a rash and several other things.  Needless to say, it wasn\’t ideal for me.  That\’s fine, it\’s -NOT- for everyone.
  • The gum: my father used this method to quit and has been smoke free ever since.  I tried it once, it burned my mouth and the taste, good lord it was so awful that there was no way I was doing it again!  That\’s fine, it\’s -NOT- for everyone.
  • Laser acupuncture.  Again this worked briefly, and I think that if I was to do it again it -would- work.  Except the only Doctor I trust to perform this procedure is really far out of the way and hard to get to as well.  I think had the circumstances been different (at the time, it was less then a month after Jason killed himself and I also lost my job) and less stressful then I might have made it.  I had a friend who went to the same Dr. and she held out for 3 years until she had to go on a plane for the first time and figured that one cigarette couldn\’t hurt.  But it did.  She\’s still a smoker today.
  • Homeopathic remedies: tried that too and needless to say, it was a FAIL.  That was back in high school.
  • Zyban: That. Was. Hell.  Insomnia was the worst.  I didn\’t sleep for days, I worked these insanely long shifts instead so while the money was good, it wasn\’t worth it.  Zyban is something that I would strongly recommend against actually.  It really was THAT horrible.

I\’ve smoked for 22 years now.  It\’s NOT an easy habit to give up.  In the past two years alone (never mind what happened prior to this) I\’ve had to deal with:

  • Several friends’ committing suicide.
  • PTSD
  • Depression (which thankfully has been \’cured\’ through therapy).
  • A slumlord/an apartment that I hated with every fibre of my being!
  • various personal issues that are simply too private to include here.

All in all, a lot of emotional battles.  I\’m tired of fighting and while I know this isn\’t going to be easy, it\’s my last ditch attempt. Needless to say, I am terribly addicted to nicotine.  I need help, this HAS. GOT. TO. STOP.  I have debated taking this drug for a really, really long time.  I\’ve made a point to do my own research, I grilled my Dr. and two different pharmacists about this drug.  ALL of which took the time to answer all my questions and concerns about taking this drug and how to offset any side effects which aren\’t pleasant to deal with.  However if it helps me to quit smoking, then I\’m ALL for it!  The side effects also force me to live a healthier life, I need to consume more water and eat better to help offset some of the side effects so there are a lot of pluses to be had.  Also the success rate is high and that also gives me hope!  Especially since I am at the end of my rope.  I went to my regular pharmacy and it\’s closed on Sunday\’s so I said to hell with this and went to another one.  Also picked up TP on sale, which is awesome because I was out & it\’s the good stuff.  Also got a sweet deal on my prescription as well!  With the RAMQ aka provincial prescription plan accepting this drug I only paid $28.00 for a 2 week supply, can\’t beat that!

So I\’m not saying that there -is- a magic cure to quitting.  You have to -WANT- to quit, which I do.  I hope that this time is my time to do so.  For those of you that have managed to quit by other means, good for you!  I\’m truly happy that you found a method that works for you.  They didn\’t work for me, c\’est la vie.  If you feel the need to be all smug and self righteous about it, then you can go fuck yourself.  After I high face you in the face with a baseball bat.  For real 🙂

However if you want to encourage me, even if you don\’t agree with my method of quitting.  Please do, I need all the help and support I can get and I will willingly accept it.  There is no right or wrong way to quit, the important thing is finding something that works FOR YOU.  I hope that this works for me as well as it has for others!

All I can do is try and that\’s exactly what I\’m going to do!

 

 

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Saturday Shenanigans

I have the most ridiculously random, yet totally awesome life EVER!

No really.

I do.

I hosted a day long fundraiser at my place yesterday to help out a friend.  Started at 9am and ran until some obscure hour in the wee hours of the morning.  It was by and large one of the Best. Saturday\’s. Ever.  It started out innocently enough, get up, get stuff done.  Or so that was the plan at the very least.

So for those of you who missed it, here\’s the highlights in no particular order with no back story included:

  • My superintendent told me that I could get around the no lease clause of no dogs allowed YAY!  Except right now I can\’t but someday.  Having your super think that you\’re hot has it\’s privileges.
  • I got blatantly hit on by some 400lb dude who said it was totally OK if I was his stalker.
  • Which led to me throwing up in my mouth a little and saying (after many drinks later) \’Can you imagine me trying to have sex with that guy?  I don\’t think I could bear the weight of him being on top, I\’m not flexible enough nor are my legs long enough to be on top and my knees are bad\’ which if you were there, you\’d get it & laugh because everyone else did.  Fuck you if you think I\’m being mean (because I admit that I totally was insensitive) because it was pretty damn funny if you were there.
  • Got to meet some of my awesome neighbors which makes me feel damn good about this apartment. With the exception of having to meet one due to Jackson finding her poor cat on the road, who we invited over for drinks.
  • Poor person\’s cat who died?  HOT!  OMFG This is one of the hottest woman I have ever seen!  Which also prompted me to say, after total inebriation: \’ I\’m mostly straight but I would totally tap that!\’ I also totally would because she\’s freaking hot!
  • Headlocks were had.
  • Boobs were groped.
  • Pants were lost.
  • Such comments like the back of your head NEEDS to be smooched in my boobs (yes that was me) were said.
  • Filters and indoor voices became a thing of the past.
  • Wine, rum & beer was bought, consumed and spilled.
  • Smoking…  Lot\’s & lot\’s of smoking.
  • Lot\’s of lesbians.
  • Lewd and totally inappropriate comments were said. (Which if you know me is the norm, but when I\’m that shitfaced it\’s even worse)
  • Tattoos were flashed.
  • Cast members from Webdreams were met.
  • The word naughty became one of the most used words of the evening.
  • Smoking hot photo-shoots were planned.
  • My friends wife ended up in my bed.
And much, MUCH more.  Which I can not disclose.  Because what happens on Shitfaced Saturday\’s at Steph\’s Stays at SSS.
Partying with me & select friends really IS that awesome.
After all  membership friendship has it\’s privileges. 😉

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Monday Fcukery

Ever have one of those days where you make the mistake of waking up and crawling out of your nice, warm cozy bed only to discover the the universe clearly has it out for you and decides that it\’s OK for you to be fucked up the ass without your permission and then proceeds to blow it\’s load all over your face?  Which then in turn makes you want to throw yourself in front of a really fast moving bus?

Yeah, that\’s known as Monday Fuckery.

For real.

Since  Bob Geldof asked in a song tell me why I don\’t like Monday\’s?  I\’ll tell you.  Not as crazy as the inspiration behind the song mind you, clearly Barbara Ann Spencer had some serious issues or something.

Shit happens when I don\’t get enough sleep/

No really. It does.

So technically this is Sunday night antics leads to Monday Fuckery.  But whatever.

Point being I stayed up too late on Sunday night get all uber excited about my new smart phone and spent farrrrrrrr too much time playing angry birds   (speaking of angry birds & smart phones, it\’s FREE for Android and NOT for iphone HA!) anyway moving along…

So wake up at 5:30 am after going to bed at almost midnight (yeah I know smooth move there Steph) and it was FREEZING in my room.  Glass cutter needed?  Just give me a call, I\’m there!  I guess this is what I get for sleeping naked?  Hellooooooooo it\’s AUGUST FFS!  Jammies should not be required in what is considered the \’summer months\’ seriously.  My bed, so cozy & so very awesome.  I LOVE my bed.  Perhaps a little too much?

\"\"

 Seriously.  Look at that!  Doesn\’t it just make you want to crawl in it and have the most crazy sex you have ever had  epic sleep ever!?!

Of course it does.

Memory foam everything FTW!

So yeah, dragging my naked self out of bed at the butt crack of dawn, freezing my ass off (literally) wondering where in the hell my fuzzy robe was while having to pee really bad.  I really should just leave it on the floor instead of hanging up all nice and proper like.

Because that would make sense.

Anyway get myself mostly put together and then I can\’t find my damn jeans.  You know the one\’s I had in my hand and put down briefly to go do something and then for the life of my couldn\’t find again.  I mean seriously, WTF is that?  So there I am, trolling around my apartment mostly dressed sans pants while muttering where in the fuck are my jeans to myself whilst looking for said jeans.  Thankfully I had a clean pair on my \’chair-drobe\’ because lord knows, I hate doing laundry and the 5 foot pile of it in my room is testament to that very fact.  So after wasting loads of time getting ready and missing the bus that I wanted to take, I finally got my ass en route to work.

Staggered into the dep at the metro because this guy has some killer croissants and he also has coffee.  AKA the breakfast of champions.  It was insanely windy outside and all I wanted was to suck back some of my awesome coffee delicious-ness and get through my day.  Anyway, mission accomplished.  Cafe was consumed, as was the awesome croissant AND Can-Am not only arrived on time but they also didn\’t fuck up my produce order.  The best part, my banana\’s were actually fit for immediate consumption (they\’re the easiest to prepare) unlike the previous order where all 20lbs yes TWENTY POUNDS of my banana\’s were a hideous shade of day glow green!  Something very much like number 1\"\"

when really, ideally they\’d be closer to 5 seeing as how I order  then half & half.  So in theory they should be 2-3 & 4-5.  Took almost 2 weeks for those bastards to ripen!  Anyway, I had hope.  Hope that maybe today wouldn\’t turn out to be such a craptacular day!

I was wrong. 

Walking by Angela\’s desk, she commented that Jack Layton had lost his battle to cancer.  Figures that one of the few rare gems in politics, that most people liked died of some hideous disease.  Which hardly seems fair.  I pay scant attention to politics because well that always starts up a heated debate of some sort doesn\’t it?  That\’s why I\’d rather talk about food.  Everyone likes food.  The kitchen is usually the hub of anyone\’s home and it\’s comforting.  When people get into heated debates about food it\’s usually happy one\’s.  Amiright?

So yeah that sucked, more then a little.  Can\’t wait for the next election.  o.0

So my afternoon progressed without too much hassle.  Save for the odd incident here and there, but whatever.  By now, the caffeine high is winding down and I go from being tired to bitchy and tired.  Then I had to do laundry, at work no less.  Which generally isn\’t an issue, except that the settings on the machine are totally and utterly fubar\’ed to the point that I waste FAR too much time doing laundry, more then I should.  Of course, there\’s a fuck ton of it too.  YAY!

Then one of my co-workers pops her head in there to let me know that she had to leave her bowls on the counter because the dishwasher was full.  I\’m muttering (mostly to myself) how in the hell can the dishwasher be full?  We had almost no kids, ergo not that many dishes.

You know why the dishwasher was full?

BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE FUCKTARDS AND DON\’T KNOW HOW TO FILL A FUCKING DISHWASHER PROPERLY!  Jesus H. Christ!

Nothing and I do mean nothing irritates me more, than having to re-arrange the damn dishwasher like it\’s my fucking living room.  Seriously!   So because of that, I now have to construct an instruction sheet (with pictures) to show exactly how one fills the dishwasher.  You know, like I would have to for say my 3 year old\’s.  Because you know, lying an empty yogurt container on it\’s SIDE on top of a bunch of other dishes is the most effective way to get it clean.

This is why I don\’t like Monday\’s, even though you didn\’t ask.

I told you anyway.  You\’re welcome.

Let\’s see you write a song about that Geldof.