Random updates!

I\’m too stressed out and far too distracted to write a \”real\” entry.  Although I have been a bit of a slacker so let me fill you in super quick!

I\’m still fighting with the post office.

I went to CHOM\’S uber exclusive, invitation only Hell-O-Ween party which was freaking awesome!  I\’ll add some of my own images in a minute.

I got my butt tattooed!  A super cute Halloween themed Dracula type bat on my right cheek.  I WILL have pictures when it\’s healed.  Because I know you all want to see it.

My friend Paul is getting MARRIED!  To a super hot cop none the less!  YAY for gay marriages being legal in Canada!  I bought him this book that Tracy mentioned and as Paul pointed out, it didn\’t work 😉  We got a pretty good laugh out of that one!

Although in not so happy news, I feel like I\’m playing where\’s Pete?  You know the real life version of Where\’s Waldo? Except the person your searching for isn\’t named Waldo.  I\’m getting kind of worried…  We had dinner plans on Friday that were canceled out due to Pete having some personal distress.  So we settled on Sunday instead, I said I would text him while I was getting my butt tattooed and we would settle on a time.  Except I haven\’t heard from him since. 🙁

Which is rather un-usual since it\’s not like him to miss dinner, least of all one of my dinners.

\"\"

It\’s not like I keep tabs on him, because I don\’t.  We each have our own lives.  Except that it\’s like he\’s dropped off the face of the planet and you know the thought of filling a missing persons report actually has crossed my mind.  As neurotic as that sounds, I am starting to worry about him. A lot.  It\’s making me break out in hives 🙁

Halloween was pretty epic!  Check it out:

Clearing something up…

OK first of all, I forgot to mention this a while ago so I\’m saying something about it now.  When you like someone (doesn\’t matter the gender) and  you are so socially in-adequate for a number of reasons that your not getting any…  Interrogating the person that you like by asking \”what went wrong in the last relationship(s) that you had?\” is NOT. OK. EVER.  First of all I at least happen to be smart enough to know that your just making a lame really bad attempt at trying not to be \”that guy\” as in the guy(s) I\’ve broken up with…  Everyone has a past, that\’s just the way it is.  So yes its bound to come up in conversation once in a while for whatever the reason.  Doesn\’t mean that we/they\’re not over it (because chances are we are) its just a part of our life.   That\’s just the way that it is…  However sometimes those subjects are touchy for whatever the reason and can on occasion induce fits of rage and are best left un-said.  Its one thing to be curious about the person your interested in but making them feel like they should be in an interrogation room is not.

So let\’s talk about my ex \”husband\” just to clear this up.  Not that I really feel that this is anyone\’s business per say, its not exactly a secret either.  The situation as a whole is a tad complicated and I get tired of explaining it, so from here on out if you don\’t read my blog, then I ain\’t telling you.  When I met him I still lived in Ontario and he lived here.  My past isn\’t all that \”pure and innocent\” as some people would like to believe (sorry but it is what it is and made me the person I am today).   Yes I did have one very UGLY abusive relationship among other ones that just didn\’t work out for whatever the reason.  Anyway we became fast friends & he had partially jokingly said you should move to Montreal and start over.  Little did he know I actually thought that was an amazing idea!  Cambridge has its charms but I was getting sick of the same old, same old and needed a change.  I figured it wouldn\’t have been so bad because I had a friend.

That was until we started dating, then it came down to who\’s going to live where.  He of course preferred that I moved to Mtl (who can blame him) and I wanted to get away anyway.  So in October of 2003 I came to visit him and fell in love with Montreal.  His parents were super religious (his father is a minister) and they don\’t believe in the whole sex/living together before marriage thing (this will be come relevant in a minute).  During said visit to Montreal that fall I seen the apartment that I would soon make my home and we got engaged.  So then we set the date, started making plans for my move and the wedding.  His parents posed a problem so we had to lie and say that I was staying with a friend in Lasalle (which at the time, I didn\’t even know where Lasalle was) until we got married.

I moved here on February 21st 2004 and even though I was living with him we had to maintain that ruse that  I was living with my imaginary friend and leaving all my furniture and what not with him at the apt. we had.  Got settled in, got a job and a car blah blah blah.  So in June that same year I had to go back to Ontario to tie up some loose ends and we told everyone that we \”eloped\” at city hall in Ontario.  Because we were originally planning on getting legally married in Ontario because then I could assume his last name (because I HATE mine) except we never did at that point because we couldn\’t afford it ($300.00 with the license/getting married at city hall) at that time so we figured we would a day before the actual wedding.   This way I could live with him freely (read without his parents hassling us, who didn\’t even live ON the island).

So my car needed a ton of repairs.  Caught on fire once, replaced the entire exhaust system, brakes, leaf spring blah blah blah.  Before we were due to leave to go to Ontario where we were getting married something got replaced on the car and the mechanic at Midas pointed out the ball joints on my front axle were due to go at any time and they needed to be replaced along with a few other minor things before it would be safe to make that long of a trip.  There went the $300.00 we had saved for the license and the actual \”wedding\” at city hall to make it legal.  Turns out we didn\’t have enough time anyway due to a million delays here in Montreal.

We asked his dad to preform the ceremony but he couldn\’t legally marry us in Ontario without someone from a religious order from Ontario in attendance which is why we were planning on going that route but his whole family thought we were already married (we even had the rings) and we were just \”going through the motions\” of the ceremony and having a reception.  So yes I had the dress, we had the rings and the whole nine yards, it was just never made legal.  The only \”legal\” marriage we had was strictly common law and nothing more.  So technically I was married, we just never bother making that happen on paper.  Sounds confusing?  I know, try telling/explain that a 100 times!  So in the end, we split up but I did consider him to be my husband in every sense of the word.  Why we broke up isn\’t relevant, it got ugly for a while be we have since sorted that out and even though were not best friends I no longer wish that he would get hit by a bus. We have both moved on with our lives and I\’ve been over it for a very long time.  The memories are bittersweet, just another chapter in my life story.

Since I\’ve been asked on numerous occasions for pictures since I don\’t have any posted (well duh were not together anymore)  here\’s a few to satisfy the curious:

In any case, it was one hell of a night!  Even though its said and done, people are still talking about it lol.

Realizations & ramblings…

1.I\’ve come to realize that my last ex:
is troubled, but taught me a lot.  For which I am grateful for, more then he\’ll likely ever know.

2. I\’ve come to realize that when I talk:
it\’s usually a complaint about something, I really need to stop doing that…
3. I\’ve come to realize that I love:
my mother more than anything in the world. <3

4. I\’ve come to realize that my friends:
are people I can\’t live without…my TRUE friends anyway.

5. I\’ve come to realize that I\’ve lost:

Too many things dear to me that I can never have back again.
6. I\’ve come to realize that I hate:
arrogance, ignorance, pride and self involvement.

7. I\’ve come to realize that a marriage is:
far from easy and takes a lot of work & effort on both sides!

8. I\’ve come to realize that, somewhere, someone is thinking:
too much, not enough or about something that\’s negative and stressing them out far too much.

9. I\’ve come to realize that I\’ll always:
be who I am and that\’s all there is too it.

10. I\’ve come to realize that I have a crush on:
the wrong people more often then not but sometimes I do OK!

11. I\’ve come to realize that the last time I truly cried was:
when Jason died, I\’ve never felt so heartbroken in my entire life then I did at that moment.

12. I\’ve come to realize that my cell phone is:
slightly overused as of late and a piece of crap.

13. I\’ve come to realize that when I wake up in the morning:
I always go back to sleep for a couple of hours because i\’m in love with my bed when I can.

14. I\’ve come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I:
think about how it\’s way too late & read to distract myself from overthinking and make myself sleepy.

15. I\’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
too much, finding a job, Micheal tying me up, how on earth I\’m going to pay my bills, my latest failure and how I think too much overall.

16. I\’ve come to realize that tonight I will:
spend time with myself trying to sort my life out yet again and send random text messages 🙂

17. I\’ve come to realize that my school is:
a thing of the past, I\’m done with it and I am actually looking forward to going back.

18. I\’ve come to realize that tomorrow I will have to:
keep looking for a new job and hopefully get some sleep and hang out with Shane & company for his birthday!

In other news, as of October 30th I no longer have a job…  So first thing I did was started looking for another one as soon as I got home!  I won\’t post the details here for professional reasons at this time.  I would very much prefer not to burn any bridges until I leave.

Thank God I have skills!  Everything happens for a reason and hopefully I end up with something better in the end.  I\’m very much looking forward to Shane\’s birthday Saturday!  He\’s a dear friend with the most lovely wife ever and I haven\’t seen him since my own birthday in June so it\’ll be nice to see him!

And i\’m done…

Its official, I HAVE reached my breaking point as of right now!  I mean seriously, I just want to curl up into the fetal position in a padded room and scream!  I\’ve been saying for years now that I need HAVE to not be a Chef anymore…  After today the more I think about it, the more it needs to happen.  My boss has some serious issues with communication, I mean really.  Its one thing to rag on me for something I DIDN\’T do or have the audacity to say to me I told you that earlier when in fact it WAS my co-worker, NOT her in a snotty ass bitchy tone.  That, I can\’t handle that!  There\’s no damn way I can take her, this industry and the reams of BS that come with it!

I\’m pretty sure that I\’m going to unjustly get fired from my job because my boss refuses to acknowledge when she\’s wrong or when she\’s convinced in *her* mind that I didn\’t do something or her new favorite pastime, writing me up for something that she told me ONE time to do and I forgot or it wasn\’t done when SHE wanted it done without taking into consideration what I need to get done in the morning with only ONE hour to get it done.  So yes please pile more work onto my ass because you assume that I don\’t manage my time properly or something…

No I\’m not perfect and contrary to her belief, I AM mature enough, responsible enough to in fact take responsibility for my OWN ACTIONS!  She however can\’t…  Tells ME that *I* don\’t communicate enough but when anyone attempts to, she doesn\’t fucking listen and argues with you to the point that you want to stab yourself in the face due to extreme frustration!  I don\’t give a damn if your the one who signs my cheques, if you don\’t provide me with the necessary tools to do my job I can\’t make it happen!  I am not a mind reader either, I posses numerous gifts but that\’s NOT one of them!

That being said I applied for a bunch of jobs yesterday…  Got a few phone calls back today but there\’s only one that interests me at the moment.  One of them didn\’t even bother to leave me a voicemail, oh well c\’est la vie…  I\’ll see what happens, because I need to get out of this industry right now.