I feel like I\’ve given birth and ran a marathon simultaneously.  Pete told me on the evening of the 18th to take a break.  Break?  Quel est ce mot pause, il parle de?  So I checked out Merriam & Webster\’s definition of the word break and I\’m still not sure what he\’s getting at?  Does he want me to break someone\’s arm?  Perhaps his?  Perhaps his face?

Not that I would, he\’s too cute.  Although I have thought about it 😉

Anyway moving along…  I wrote a book as you all know and after some major hurdles, mishaps, yelling, screaming, trips in the rain and making my visa bleed…  It\’s here!  My publisher is nothing short of awesome!  She went above and beyond my expectations and my book looks wonderful.  I haven\’t had time to actually sit down and absorb the fact that I am in fact an author.  It\’s still really hard for me to believe.    *note to self, if you ever write another one, don\’t give yourself the most tightest deadline known to man!* I\’m going to re-design her website for her, I\’m good like that.  I\’m going to post a video about my book soon, since it\’s far more interesting then writing about it.  Then you can buy one!

No seriously,  everyone should own one!  Except printing is limited to a mere 43 copies so only a few people will be privileged enough to own a signed and numbered copy.  Because I\’m special like that!  It\’s also for charity, so karma points kids!  Think about karma!

So yeah I wrote a book and in midst of writing said book I was busy fund-raising for  IAMAlive more so for moi to help offset the $250.00 (USD) training costs.  Through the generosity of  a few of my friends and a scholarship I was able to start training.  Said training, offered in conjunction with Eastern Washington University, more specifically the QPR institute leads to 30 university credits, 40 hours of accreditation and most importantly Online Suicide Intervention Specialist certification.  That very generous scholarship did however come with a couple strings.  One of them being that I had to complete my training by no later then December 1st.  The upside to that is if I\’m one of the first 100 people to complete it, then I will be recognized as one of the founding volunteers.  Which is pretty awesome!  I don\’t know if that applies to me or not so I\’m not going to get too excited or say much about it until then.

It was a long hard road to get my book out on time and throw in university at the same time.  Completing this course, while exuberant for me on one level, left me and still has me quite sad  on another.  During the gatekeeper portion of my training, there\’s a video in it that says something to the effect of:\” If you have lost someone you love to suicide, we acknowledge your loss and give our sympathy to you.  However don\’t feel too bad if you couldn\’t save them, because you didn\’t have the proper training!\”

Really?   I know you didn\’t just say that you arrogant bastard!

Everyday hero\’s aren\’t always Dr\’s or police officers or whatever.  Sometimes when a person has given up all hope, it\’s amazing what kind words from a person can do.  Kevin H, who is one of the survivors  of the Golden Gate bridge recalls how all he wanted was for someone to care that day he choose to jump.  After being passed by two bridge workers and a police officer oblivious to his tears a woman had stopped him and he thought to himself, finally someone cares!  Turns out she was a tourist who only wanted her picture taken.  Who knows what would have happened had she had stopped and said hey, is everything OK?  Long story short, it\’s amazing how much a small token of caring can make a world of difference.  You can read Kevin\’s story here, it\’s nothing short of amazing.

I\’ve sat through hours of lectures, read a couple books on the subject through the course of my training.  One of them being Suicide the forever decision.  Which you can download or read online.  It\’s not a long read, nor full of technical jargon that the average person can\’t understand.  Everyone should read it, even if they\’re not nor have ever been suicidal.

Jason\’s picture hangs on my wall right above my desk.  I just need to glance up and there he is.  Which turned out to be a good thing as I sat there and listened to my prof drone on and on and I was trying not to fall asleep and fighting the urge to say screw it; then I would look up and remind myself of the number one reason why I\’m doing this.

I\’m doing it for him.

I\’m doing it in the hopes that I can spare another family the pain and soul sucking heartache of loosing a loved one to suicide.  Part of me will always wonder if this was in place years ago if it would have made a difference, if I had in fact had this training previously could I have saved him?

I\’ll never know the answer to that and because of that I try hard not to dwell on it.  Although I know myself well enough to know that part of me, in the back of my mind will always wonder if it would have made a difference.  Don\’t ever be afraid to reach out and help someone, even if it\’s a complete stranger.  You just might be the one person that makes all the difference, simply by caring.