Category Archives: Are you f’ing kidding me?!?

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Energy Vampires

I stumbled upon an article on gossipbook crackbook facebook the other day Via Rebekah who got it from someone else.  Anyway the article titled:

How Energy Vampires Drain Your Spirit and Soul

11 Ways to Protect Yourself From Negative Influences

Made a whole lot of sense to me.  OK granted I know a lot of people who blog that use it as their space to vent/un-load (myself included) for whatever reason.  I pay for this space, ergo I feel that I should be entitled to post what the hell ever I deem fit.

Right?

Fair enough.  If anything I have to say gets anyone down that much, they don\’t have the read anything that I write.  Writing is therapeutic for most people.  I personally do it because it\’s my outlet, a way to express myself to no one in particular other then whomever happens to stumble upon my blog that day.  We all have problems, we all have issues and we\’re all a little crazy no matter how \”normal\” you might like to think you are.

Society is hard core fucked up you know!

Anyway, back to what I was saying.

Energy vampires.

So. Many. Of. Them. Infect. My. Life.

DO. NOT. WANT.

Essentially I\’m tired of people expecting other people to blow sunshine up their ass every damn day!  Learn to be self reliant and find your OWN form of happiness!  I can drum up several examples of people who post status updates on facebook/titter/their blog whatever social media outlet you choose; that scream: PITY ME!  FEEL SORRY FOR ME!  FIND A MAN/WOMAN/S\’HIM/WHATEVER THE HELL I\’M ATTRACTED TO FOR ME! PRAISE ME! MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!  ACKNOWLEDGE  ME!  PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEE!

I have since blocked these people from my news feed because quite simply I can\’t take their self centered bullshit any longer.  People like that NEED HELP.  Usually because they have no self esteem/self worth.  Why can\’t you just be happy with YOU.  Why is a requirement for other people to make you happy?  Who has time for that?

I really wish people would learn to get off their asses and learn to be self sufficient for a change!  Life is what YOU make it, not what others do!  Be INSPIRED by others to do something good for yourself/others.  Only YOU can make this happen at the end of the day.

Please, please!  GET. OVER. YOURSELF.

Google is your friend!  Having a shitty day and need a laugh?  GOOGLE!  Bored, want something to do? GOOGLE!  Learn, educate yourself, amuse yourself, do something worthwhile because YOU can!  Christ don\’t sit on your ass and expect other people to do it for you.  Otherwise you\’ll find yourself in the \”energy vampires\” category ergo someone I can\’t stand anymore.

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on a totally random/semi-unrelated note.  I stumbled upon this interesting article on a very smart octopus.  Working as a Chef usually means your going to stumble upon squid of some form in your life.  I refuse to eat them because I see what they look like BEFORE they hit your plate.  At least now I can justify it by saying that some of them are smart.  However  even though I said this was semi-un-related, Otto seems to be an attention whore too.  Not so random after all.

Heh.

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Canada post is Le Suck!

Dear Canada Post,

You are a huge ass, fucking douchebaggery filled, ball sucking, ass monkey.

I bought a new Camera, it\’s pretty fucking sweet as a matter of fact.  So I being the good awesome, fucking exceptional friend that I am…  I told my buddy fucker that I would send him my old one.  As is, free of charge.  It\’s kind of crappy from being dropped too many times and the automatic flash don\’t work for shit but it still takes awesome pictures when it it\’s not being douchy decides to co-operate.  I even included my grossly over-priced XD memory card (cost me $40.00 for 1GB bah!) because my shiny new camera actually takes regular memory cards (it\’s about damn time Olympus!) and a mini tripod in case he wants to make some home porn be in the picture properly using the self timer function.  You know instead of standing in a mirror like a fucking douche.

So on Saturday (the 16th of October) I dutifully and lovingly packed up my camera, using fragile tape and everything and headed off to the post office.

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Yeah you see what I did there?  His real name is Adam, I call him Fucker.  It\’s a term of endearment.  Really.  I love the guy~  See look:

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I even sent it EXPRESS because I\’m awesome like that.  So I texted Fucker to tell him that I mailed out his package and said goodies and it should be there by Tuesday/Wed latest.  Well you can imagine my surprise when I got home from work this afternoon and I get a notification slip from you douche-bags saying I have a parcel and could I please hand over $9.41 (cash only of course) to pick this up.  Seeing as I have NO ID at the moment and have ALL my packages sent to work because I live there, happen to be around when delivery men show up therefore ensuring that I get my package.

So I hop onto Canada douchebaggery post.com with the tracking number to have some sort of a clue whom this might be from.  Well Lo and fucking behold it\’s a package from Fucker!  Who lives in Kitchener, that\’s how I knew.  Except according to this which transcribes to: YOUR PACKAGE WAS SENT BITCH and the tracking I so dutifully took a screen shot of:

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According to that, it was successfully delivered!  Except that\’s NOT. TRUE. FUCKERS.

So essentially let me break this down:  Apparently one of your tight ass postal workers doesn\’t appreciate my calling MY friend Fucker and thought it was a personal affront to you?  No you see if that was a random attack on one of you postal workers I would have done something like this instead:

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But you see, I didn\’t.  Basically your just trying to ass rape me for money.  Do I look like a fucking ATM to you?

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I don\’t fucking think SO!  You know what really kills me though you douchebag ass monkeys?  It cost me $8.54 to mail it.  Yet to have it sent back to me it\’s $9.41?  Please tell me how THAT works out?  So I had to shell out money to send it there, and because your carrier/delivery person has some deep seated fucking issues and needs therapy, I have to pay $9.41 to have it sent back to me and then pay you AGAIN (yes that would be three fucking times!) so that my poor friend fucker can have a digital camera to capture precious memories such as him dancing around in his underwear his adorable children?

I sent you a really snarky e-mail.  I anticipate your reply, and possibly someone pissing in my mail box.  Which would be quite the feat.  I\’m looking forward to calling up the Ombudsman and nailing your asses to the wall for your fucking douchbaggery.

Just thought I would let you know.  I\’m good like that.

Love,

Steph

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Ranty food review aka where not to eat in Old Montreal

So with the family being here on vacation from Ontario, we of course made a trek to Old Montreal and the port since it was my nieces first time here.

To my utter disappointment,  Le Merville which was hands down my favorite restaurant of ALL time (which says a lot coming from me!) has closed it\’s doors for good and Amir in it\’s place.  Now don\’t get me wrong, I don\’t mind Amir when I\’m drunk & starving but we wanted to go somewhere nice.  Seeing as how most restaurants in Jacques Cartier Square have rather exorbitant prices given their upscale locale, you would think that the food would be fabulous, good, above decent?

Twice now I have eaten in the port recently only to be horribly dissapointed.

Both times.

In July I went there with a friend to see the fireworks at Le Ronde and we wanted to grab something to eat.  I was down with going to subway because I was eating on the cheap that night.  I wasn\’t feeling something fancy or sit down.  We almost went to La Grande Terrasse but for some reason decided against it.  So we went to Montreal Poutine instead.  Which wasn\’t bad per se, the poutine was good but nothing to write home about.  The smoked meat was a little more greasier then I prefer and it came with a nice green salad.   Including a drink, tip and taxes it was almost $30.00!  Thirty bucks for that?  Are you fucking kidding me?  They sell their t-shirts for cheaper!  I mean seriously, I will drop top dollar for GOOD food.  Not mediocre eats you know?

Needless to say, I\’ll be heading to Lefleur (or however that\’s spelled, don\’t judge me!) next time I need a poutine fix.  It\’s cheap, uber fast and freaking delicious!  Although I have been told to give La Banquise a go as well.

Anyhoo enter yesterday:

Le Merville is closed much to my sadness so we thought we would give La Grande Terrasse a go for lunch with the kids.

HUGE mistake!

The prices appeared to be borderline reasonable-ish enough at first glace although they were a little up there.  Just goes to show you that you don\’t always get what you pay for!  For some reason people seem to have it ingrained in their minds that if it costs more, then the quality is better.  Jacques Cartier Square is known for having some of the most pretentious expensive restaurants in the island.  It goes with the territory of being in such a beautiful place on the island I suppose.  Not only that it\’s a major tourist pit in the summer especially and most places are seasonal as well.

Being a Chef, I get that.

So we arrive, the place is crazy busy with servers running around all over the place.  We were largely ignored until I managed to nab a server to see if we sat ourselves.  Which would have been a tad awkward since we were 5 and the tables are bolted to the floor and either sat 2 or four people outside.  Anyway, we finally got a seat and it was SO windy that everything kept blowing all over the damn place!

We order our food: Chicken quesadilla ($15.00), poutine (which was very small $8.00), Royal burger with poutine instead ($17.00), Terrasse Trio ($13.00 for 4 chicken wings, some onion rings, 4 cheese sticks & salsa) & Fish & chips ($16.00).  Soft drinks ($3.00 each) for a grand total of  $93 + change with tax.

The food: SHIT!  I was beyond appalled at the low quality of the food for such a location!  The ONLY thing that appeared to be made in house was the quesadilla.  The wings were super tiny, the fries were your typical McCain shoestring french fries much like McDonald\’s, no seasoning at all and they were cold, the cheese sticks were pre-fab frozen stick in the fryer for 3 mins deal,  the onion rings left an after taste of fryer oil that was in dire need of changing, the skimpy piece of fish was mechanically separated, pre-fab and obviously frozen, Captain Highliner style.  Although Captain Highliner is superior to the fish that was served.  The tarter sauce was nothing more then miracle whip with cucumber and nothing else, the burger obviously came out of a box too!

I\’ve eaten at my share of places in Montreal and tend to favor the more casual pub style deals because even though I am a Chef and have some seriously high expectations when it comes to food; I\’ve eaten better at McDonald\’s compared to this place! For the price that we paid, I could have gone to IGA, gotten far more superior quality food and fed all 5 of us for at least a week, if not longer!

La Grande Terrasse, you went above and beyond my level of disappointment!

I miss Le Merville 🙁

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Let\’s NOT cue the drama… Mmmm K?

I hate drama, I detest it.  I also hate attention whores and drama Queens.  Oh and people who lie for stupid, insignificant reasons.  Hell I just hate people in general!  Especially lately, maybe it\’s because I have PMS? Who knows, and quite frankly I doubt anyone truly gives a shit either.

Attention whores, drama queens and what I refer to as \’the topper\’ really get my panties in a knot.  Also \’pissing contents\’ because really, who needs those?

Apparently some people do.

I want to punch them in the face.

Really hard.

Some people just can not handle not being the center of attention.  Drives. Me. Insane.  For example: When I\’m talking about something I feel is important and they butt in with ya ya so they can blab on about their shit.

Is THAT the only reason you called me?  Because you want a fucking audience?!?

Please go get hit by a bus. Drop dead Shut your whore mouth for five fucking minutes!

Jesus H Christ!

Then there\’s the times when your having a conversation about whatever and something not totally relevant/yet slightly relevant to your story comes up.   Something that your not planning on driveling on about for any extended period of time but more so providing more background info on.  They butt in with yeah I went/was there/seen it too.  Yet somehow you know they\’re lying to you so you ask a question that had they actually seen/done the same thing on a different day/month/year they would provide an accurate answer.  Except they get all exasperated and flippant with you.  Because they know that you know they\’re lying through their fucking teeth!  Why?  Because they thought YOU were going to talk about it endlessly, therefore taking time away from listening to them blather on about What. The Fuck Ever.  Because while they want YOU to be THEIR audience for the entire duration of the conversation yet they don\’t have one fucking iota of interest in anything that\’s about to come out of your mouth unless it has something to do with THEM.

Of. Course.

Except they think your stupid and don\’t clue into their subtle lies.  Yet YOU know they\’re lying.  In spite of the fact that I don\’t say anything about it.  I know.  Oh boy, do I know.  Therefore because of your tactless bullshit, I have lost a whole lotta respect for you that you\’ll never have back.  Oh I bet that gets your goat now doesn\’t it?

When all you want to do is say: I don\’t care, I don\’t care Ohhhhhhhhhhh I Don\’t give a flying fuck about What. The. Fuck. Ever. You\’re about to drivel on about!

Woman like to relate, although some people take it to a WHOLE new level.  It goes from relating to: OMGWTFBBQ I\’m out of the spotlight so let\’s turn this into a pissing contest!  Because the attention NEEDS TO BE BACK ON ME, ME, ME!

Sadly, I can\’t usually back down from these moments.  I try to, I\’m usually ashamed when I can\’t.  I\’m competitive by nature, it\’s the inner Chef in me (Read: All the guys who said I wouldn\’t make it but I did; so fuck you, kiss my pasty white ass!) oh & my stubborn pigheaded ways that can\’t Won\’t refuse to do so.  When inside my head I\’m screaming:

FOR FUCK SAKES LET ME HAVE MY DAMN MOMENT!

Nope, they can\’t allow that, because it takes the spotlight OFF of them.

My fist is really itching to make an acquaintance with your face.

Yet I say nothing because that\’s irrevocably rude.  Until one day when you push me over the ever loving edge.

Well so is blogging about it, but hey I\’m not name calling and finger pointing here either.

Wonder just how many people are going to contact me AND accusingly  SAY OMFG STEPH I JUST KNOW YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT ME!

They\’re going to assume that\’s it\’s about them.  Why?  Because they see themselves in this very blog post.  Perhaps there\’s a reason for that.

Because that\’s in their nature.  So is scores of several other things, but hey who am I to judge?