Category Archives: Are you f’ing kidding me?!?

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Oh Montreal…

You slay me so, in so many ways but the real topper?

HABS fans.  They\’re fucking nuts!

I used to live adjacent to downtown and I was really, really close to the bell center.  So close that when this riot broke out I could hear it from my apartment.  It was total chaos.  I\’m all about standing up for causes that you believe in and protesting things that you feel are wrong with this world but Montreal would seem to top that.  At least in Canada.

I pay scant attention to politics, I respect the fact that French IS Quebec\’s official language and I also respect their right to hold onto their culture.  It would be no different if I was to move somewhere else.  Like Egypt, Sweden, Saudi Arabia and so on.  I\’m not ignorant like that.  Although the ignorance that runs rampant in this province in regards to separatism and the language laws ? Blows. My. Mind.  Clearly, we all can\’t just \’get along\’.  In any case, I love this city, I love living here and I love the life that I have here as well.  However, when Jason Rockman posted this on facebook I was floored:

\”OK, I love the French language, I am a die hard Montrealer and am engaged to a francophone…but this??? Seriously?? These protesters can blow me…\”

The Rockman of course is referring to this article and the Gazette did a lengthier article on this as well which was also posted on facebook with the caption:\’   Is language important, or should the Canadiens win at any cost? What do you think?\’

My thoughts on this?  I could care less about hockey period.  I don\’t care, I don\’t follow games and I refuse to jump on the Habs fan bandwagon just because I live here.  It\’s a game kids, or as my friend Ali said: \’It may only be a game to some, but to the rest of us it\’s like a religion on the weekends\’.  Fair enough, I have my share of things that I\’m passionate about too.  Not so passionate that I start riots and set things on fire, but still…

Here\’s the thing, after doing a quickie bit of research, left wing player Erik Cole of the Montreal Canadiens, is AMERICAN!  Well, well…  I\’m willing to bank on it that there\’s countless others who are either not from Canada, let alone from this province.  Yet you give a shit if their coach is English?  You have got to be kidding me!  Hands down, Montreal has a good team.  Even I, the non hockey follower knows that.  It\’s pretty hard to ignore when you live here.  However I\’m willing to bet that if Montreal takes home the cup this year or anytime soon, you\’re not going to give a flying fuck if the coach is English, French or Swedish for that matter now are you?

I\’m thinking likely not… 

Here\’s what a few people on facebook had to say about this:

Ken: Who gives a shit if the coach ONLY speaks English instead of joual? As long as they win, it doesn\’t matter, t\’se?

Theresa: wtf! What a bunch of crap. Who cares if he can\’t speak frnech, have you been to Montreal? EVERYONE can speak English there anyway. (OK I\’m going to interject and say almost everyone. Although most people can from my experience, even if it\’s just a little)

William: I think that the future of French in North America would not be questioned if we paid as much attention to school drop out rates or functional illiteracy as we do to this kind of symbolic nonsense.

Jennifer: right – we should keep turning away the BEST Doctors, Nurses, Teachers, etc…. because they can\’t speak french…. It boggles me why people accept it!

Derek: I read the Gazette and La Presse regularly. The blatant favortism of Francophones from La Presse, RDS, and the Quebec media in general is disgusting. I want a winning product that shows up to practice in Brossard and the Bell Centre for games. I don\’t care if the coach is a bilingual Francophone or a unilingual Anglophone. I care about winning. Perhaps this is why the Habs have not been relevant since Patrick Roy was our goalie. I can\’t speak for other Habs fans, but I do not ever want to see the faces of Mario Tremblay or Rejean Houle again.

Sandra: What ever happened to hiring the best person for the job? I am from Quebec, born and raised a francophone, and I don\’t agree with the crap about the Mighty French attitude…I wish after all these years they would finally join the rest of us and give up on a francophone only-is-the-only-way attitude…

Billy: England\’s national soccer team is coached by an Italian who speaks poor english… Do you see the English protesting at having their coach not speak English ? No.. only retards like Mario Beaulieu does….If i\’m the habs I tell all thse losers who are still mad at this to F#$@ off

Cheyenne: I don\’t hear them yelling \’go habs go\’ in french.

Franca: WTH. the sweet taste of victory is universal amd surely understood by all. Since when did jumping for joy from a well-deserved win say, \”oui, on gagne en francais qu\’en anglais?!\” What if the guy were anything other than Anglophone, then what? Leave language issues out of hockey, svp.

Brian: The man was put in the position to coach the team (in a championship, winning fashion – not for his speech or linguistic skills!) … if he was from a winning Russian, Swedish, or Czech team, and couldn\’t speak a word of English or French, but led the team to the Stanley Cup, would the \’critics\’ care?? No, of course not! Their complaints are purely anti-English, not about any abilities of the person. Disgusting, to say the least…

Matt: The political situation in Quebec is what has destroyed the Canadiens. You want a competitive team-not a political circus. Why is it when we have good English players they can\’t get out of town fast enough. I\’ve been a fan here in Wisconsin since the 1967 expansion but I don\’t think I will live to see that 25th Stanley Cup.

Lucette: There are more important issues in Quebec to take care of.Ils y\’a des choses au Québec à s\’occuper qui sont plus importantes.

Dafne: In the meantime in Qc… food depots can\’t be filled, unemployment rises, people with mental health issues has no treatment, there are no family doctors, the bridges are falling appart…should I continue??

And the list of comments goes on and on…  I personally think the whole nation could benefit from being bilingual in some fashion or another.  I understand the frustration, it\’s no different for me being someone who\’s first language is English and trying to communicate with someone who doesn\’t speak it all and vice versa.  It DOES go both ways.  I get that.  But it\’s been a political circus for far too long and dragging sports into this long debacle of non sense is really too much.

Even for me.  

 

In other news, I happened to stumble upon this.  Thought I would share.

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Busted!

Looks like I just nailed your judgmental ass to the wall now didn\’t I?

Guys think they\’re so slick and oh-so-clever sometimes, I got news for you honey…

You\’re anything but!  

I\’ve worked in the food industry for two decades.  15 of those years have been spent in restaurants where more often then not, I\’m the ONLY woman who has the balls to work the line.  It\’s not an easy industry to be in and even more complicated if you\’re a woman.  In any case, you really get to know a lot about men. Mostly just how full of shit they really are.

So earlier I was talking to some random dude and he asked for a picture, which is fine.  I have a few and most of them *do* have other people in them.  I\’m not going to be one of those douchebags who takes pictures of themselves in a fucking mirror with their God-Damn phone!  So get over it and move on with your life.  I have nothing to hide, it\’s not as if I weigh 350lbs and even if I did…

WHO GIVES A SHIT!

Most guys however do.  So I hear a lot of: Do you have other pictures of yourself, you know one\’s without furniture, or another person, a full length picture of yourself yada yada yada…  Which all basically sums up to one thing: Want to see how much you weigh, because no one wants to fuck a fat chick.  We\’re all shallow in some way or another but this just kills me.  Whatever, either you like me or you don\’t, I personally don\’t care which.  I\’m not a barbie doll, nor do I want to look like one either.  I have a body, I have curves and I don\’t see anyone complaining about my bra size (well except for me) so while talking to Ben earlier he asked me for a picture, preferably with no clothes and did I have one of my stomach because he\’s \’big\’ into those.

Seriously?

Clearly you think I\’m retarded and don\’t understand that pretext…

So this is basically how that little incident played out (using actual text):

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That\’s all I have to say about that.

PS check this out, it\’s pretty awesome!

 

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Brett Michaels called

And he wants his bandanna back… 

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That was the first thought that crept into my mind when M parked his ass in front of me at Starbucks earlier this evening.  Never in my life have I encountered such social disparity in one place before.  Starbucks is yuppie-ville no doubt and most people who truly know me, know that I don\’t embody that persona.  In any case, one can\’t begin to fathom my surprise (and hidden horror) when I laid eyes on him.

I knew something was up when he blew me off about the whole picture thing.  Everyone has a picture of themselves and while his excuse reasoning seemed somewhat feasible I let it go.

Which clearly, I shouldn\’t have.   

Don\’t get me wrong, I don\’t put a lot of stock in the way a person looks.  Yes they DO matter, just how much however depends on the person.  I\’m a Chef and I eat with my eyes first after all 😉  I was not however quite prepared for what sat before me…  It was as if a member of long since departed 80\’s heavy metal band sans eyeliner was my \’date\’.  Holy shit!  I mean really dude, if you\’re going to run around sporting long hair take care of it.  Instead however you choose to run around with split ends and hair so fried that it looks like you were the victim of a fire gone horribly wrong and didn\’t bother with a trim at that.

Oh and the bandanna…  Oh my word.  It was as if he was trying to embody Brett Micheals, without the eyeliner!  I mean really?  The camo pants and band t-shirt were what really did me in…  I like heavy metal just as much as the next person, I do not however embody the long lost \’look of the 80\’s)  I mean come on, put forth some effort at least?!?  Jesus Christ!  Even I, who had just gotten off of work put forth a minor effort to at least look somewhat put together.  I\’m honestly starting to not give a shit period and thinking that becoming a nun might not be such a bad idea…

I don\’t care how you dress or anything like that.  However, whatever look you\’re attempting to pull off…

Do. It. Well.  Then maybe, just maybe you\’ll get laid.

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Disclaimer: I don\’t care if I sound like a judgmental bitch.  I\’m just being honest and I honestly don\’t give a shit if you like it or not.  It\’s your right to dress/act the way you choose, doesn\’t mean *I* have to like it… 

 

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Please pass the eye bleach…

Before I totally ruin your day/appetite allow me to introduce you to the new man in my life  🙂  His name is Shamrock, he\’s pretty awesome & I only have him for a limited time.  This adorable bundle of cute was surrendered by his owner who moved to Singapore for 5 years and couldn\’t afford the 10 grand (yes, ten thousand dollars) to have him tag along.  After having Anna step in and save him literally hours from being gassed, he\’s a pretty happy boy:

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Handsome little man isn\’t he?  He smiles like that ALL the time.  I do adore him & he\’s cute/funny/sweet company but sadly I can\’t offer him the kind of home that he needs for the long term.  I KNOW this & I wish people would stop telling me that I should keep him when I know that I can\’t.  I do OK on my own, but I do enjoy my freedom and not only that his food/toys/vet bills are being either donated and/or paid for by someone else.  Unlike some people who adopt animals, I do have a realistic approach to this situation.  I do hope that he finds a good forever home soon, he deserves it!

In other news…

I cancelled my account on a certain site.  Clearly in a moment of what can only be described as sheer stupidity (one of which I have 0 recollection of) I apparently gave someone my e-mail address.  Well not the one I use on a day to day basis mind you.  The I might get back to you but likely not e-mail address.  You know the one where you just use your initals or some odd ball variation of your name.

 We all have one of those.    

So I rarely check this account and there is this e-mail from someone who said why did you cancel your account on (insert site name here)?  I thought to myself who the fuck are you?  I almost never use that e-mail anymore for anything and I know that I haven\’t given it out in a really long time because of it.  Furthermore, I don\’t date red heads.

EVER.

Yes I am a natural red head, however so is my father (ick) and I quite simply do not find it attractive in any way shape or form.  Redheaded woman are smoking hot, men yeahhhhhhh not so much…

Anyway back to the story at hand.  There\’s a file attachment.  No big deal, could be his face for all I know and I was thinking   hoping   praying to anyone who would listen that that\’s all it was.  Except I was wrong and I of course had to open the e-mail itself.  G-Mail of course provides you with a decent sized thumbnail of what that attachment is.

Behold:

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I threw up in my mouth a little.  I actually thought that I was going to vomit my dinner all over my desk in a projectile fashion.  So of course I had to share the horror.  Which garnered the following responses:

  • Me: OMFG I\’m going to vomit, so much for dinner. P: Don\’t eat & then inbox, sketchy scene Me:Clearly
  • J: What has been seen cannot be unseen. Me: No, no it can not.
  • A: Holy god! I need therapy and a hug now! I\’m in shock!  Me: Me too A, me too!
  • C:Okay, I\’ll bite. Send it this way. A: Oh gods no. Save yourself the torture! Me: Hold on C, I\’m blogging about it A: I\’m still crying about it.  (Who can blame her! So am I!)
  • The other J: (whom might I add claimed that he\’s seen some pretty sick shit before) proclaimed this: OK you got me, I literally just threw up in my mouth a little.

The worst part of all:

He e-mailed me again and asked me if I liked the picture and SENT IT TO ME AGAIN!  I am scarred for life now!  I am tempted to write him back and say: \”I\’m sorry, I can\’t tell you because after the last one that you sent me, I gouged out my eyes with a rusty nail and I have scheduled a lobotomy to forever block out this incident in all of it\’s entirety.

I just might.

*Here\’s some eye bleach* Hope you weren\’t eating when you seen that…