Category Archives: that’s f’ing ridiculous!

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Medusa (of a different sort)

So I\’m in Cambridge, ON for the holidays.  I was born here, most of my family still resides here so of course when Christmas rolls around I make the obligatory trip home.  Which never ceases to amuse me more often then not.  The vast differences between Cambridge and Montreal are huge.  Cambridge has a population of about 130,000 vs Montreal which has a population of  1,620,693 as of the 2006 census.  You\’re likely wondering why this matters…  Let alone what the hell this has to do with Medusa.

I\’ll tell you why…

When I walk the streets of Montreal, I seem to \’blend in\’ more.  It\’s a larger city, which is also a lot more open minded then my hometown, which seems to be on occasion, still stuck in the dark ages.  So the other night when I was at a local bar with some friends, standing outside.  I happened to grab the attention of someone and he took one look at my face and zeroed in on my Medusa piercing.  The rapt, childlike fascination he had with my piercing was pretty priceless (I\’m going to assume he was also pretty drunk)   He said something to the effect of: \”Holy fuck, don\’t tell me that\’s pierced for real!?!\” \’Yes, it most certainly is.\’  \”Wow!  That must of hurt?\” Your damn right it did (most painful piercing I have to date as a matter of fact)\’ \”Wow! That\’s crazy.  Oh my God, you have your tongue pierced too? wow!\”  \”You must be crazy!?!\” Me: With the most diabolical, sinister look on my face that I could muster (think Jack Nicholson in the Shining) ; looked at him dead on and said: \”Why yes, yes I am\”.

The look on his face was so precious it was priceless!  He looked frightened ha ha!  He looked at me on last time with that same awe struck look on his face and said \”wow, I should stay away from you!!\” Enter creeper face  and I said: \”Yes, yes you should.\” He looked so terrified I thought he was going to wet his pants!  He hightailed it back into the bar so fast and I\’m pretty sure he left soon after that.

Amy & I got a good laugh out of that one!  That\’s the beautiful thing about being on vacation, even if it\’s just in your hometown.  You don\’t live here, so it doesn\’t matter what you do or how much you mess with drunk people (within reason of course, I don\’t set out to be malicious in any way) it can be pretty entertaining.

It\’s a shame that it wasn\’t summer or at the very least warm enough to warrant showing this off:

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 She tends to freak people out.  Medusa is pretty awesome all around mind you.  Too bad I didn\’t posses the ability to turn people into stone.  Not all the time mind you, just on occasion. I\’m thinking that would come in handy someday. No?

In any case, it\’s good to be me 😉

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Please pass the eye bleach…

Before I totally ruin your day/appetite allow me to introduce you to the new man in my life  🙂  His name is Shamrock, he\’s pretty awesome & I only have him for a limited time.  This adorable bundle of cute was surrendered by his owner who moved to Singapore for 5 years and couldn\’t afford the 10 grand (yes, ten thousand dollars) to have him tag along.  After having Anna step in and save him literally hours from being gassed, he\’s a pretty happy boy:

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Handsome little man isn\’t he?  He smiles like that ALL the time.  I do adore him & he\’s cute/funny/sweet company but sadly I can\’t offer him the kind of home that he needs for the long term.  I KNOW this & I wish people would stop telling me that I should keep him when I know that I can\’t.  I do OK on my own, but I do enjoy my freedom and not only that his food/toys/vet bills are being either donated and/or paid for by someone else.  Unlike some people who adopt animals, I do have a realistic approach to this situation.  I do hope that he finds a good forever home soon, he deserves it!

In other news…

I cancelled my account on a certain site.  Clearly in a moment of what can only be described as sheer stupidity (one of which I have 0 recollection of) I apparently gave someone my e-mail address.  Well not the one I use on a day to day basis mind you.  The I might get back to you but likely not e-mail address.  You know the one where you just use your initals or some odd ball variation of your name.

 We all have one of those.    

So I rarely check this account and there is this e-mail from someone who said why did you cancel your account on (insert site name here)?  I thought to myself who the fuck are you?  I almost never use that e-mail anymore for anything and I know that I haven\’t given it out in a really long time because of it.  Furthermore, I don\’t date red heads.

EVER.

Yes I am a natural red head, however so is my father (ick) and I quite simply do not find it attractive in any way shape or form.  Redheaded woman are smoking hot, men yeahhhhhhh not so much…

Anyway back to the story at hand.  There\’s a file attachment.  No big deal, could be his face for all I know and I was thinking   hoping   praying to anyone who would listen that that\’s all it was.  Except I was wrong and I of course had to open the e-mail itself.  G-Mail of course provides you with a decent sized thumbnail of what that attachment is.

Behold:

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I threw up in my mouth a little.  I actually thought that I was going to vomit my dinner all over my desk in a projectile fashion.  So of course I had to share the horror.  Which garnered the following responses:

  • Me: OMFG I\’m going to vomit, so much for dinner. P: Don\’t eat & then inbox, sketchy scene Me:Clearly
  • J: What has been seen cannot be unseen. Me: No, no it can not.
  • A: Holy god! I need therapy and a hug now! I\’m in shock!  Me: Me too A, me too!
  • C:Okay, I\’ll bite. Send it this way. A: Oh gods no. Save yourself the torture! Me: Hold on C, I\’m blogging about it A: I\’m still crying about it.  (Who can blame her! So am I!)
  • The other J: (whom might I add claimed that he\’s seen some pretty sick shit before) proclaimed this: OK you got me, I literally just threw up in my mouth a little.

The worst part of all:

He e-mailed me again and asked me if I liked the picture and SENT IT TO ME AGAIN!  I am scarred for life now!  I am tempted to write him back and say: \”I\’m sorry, I can\’t tell you because after the last one that you sent me, I gouged out my eyes with a rusty nail and I have scheduled a lobotomy to forever block out this incident in all of it\’s entirety.

I just might.

*Here\’s some eye bleach* Hope you weren\’t eating when you seen that… 

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Monday Fcukery

Ever have one of those days where you make the mistake of waking up and crawling out of your nice, warm cozy bed only to discover the the universe clearly has it out for you and decides that it\’s OK for you to be fucked up the ass without your permission and then proceeds to blow it\’s load all over your face?  Which then in turn makes you want to throw yourself in front of a really fast moving bus?

Yeah, that\’s known as Monday Fuckery.

For real.

Since  Bob Geldof asked in a song tell me why I don\’t like Monday\’s?  I\’ll tell you.  Not as crazy as the inspiration behind the song mind you, clearly Barbara Ann Spencer had some serious issues or something.

Shit happens when I don\’t get enough sleep/

No really. It does.

So technically this is Sunday night antics leads to Monday Fuckery.  But whatever.

Point being I stayed up too late on Sunday night get all uber excited about my new smart phone and spent farrrrrrrr too much time playing angry birds   (speaking of angry birds & smart phones, it\’s FREE for Android and NOT for iphone HA!) anyway moving along…

So wake up at 5:30 am after going to bed at almost midnight (yeah I know smooth move there Steph) and it was FREEZING in my room.  Glass cutter needed?  Just give me a call, I\’m there!  I guess this is what I get for sleeping naked?  Hellooooooooo it\’s AUGUST FFS!  Jammies should not be required in what is considered the \’summer months\’ seriously.  My bed, so cozy & so very awesome.  I LOVE my bed.  Perhaps a little too much?

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 Seriously.  Look at that!  Doesn\’t it just make you want to crawl in it and have the most crazy sex you have ever had  epic sleep ever!?!

Of course it does.

Memory foam everything FTW!

So yeah, dragging my naked self out of bed at the butt crack of dawn, freezing my ass off (literally) wondering where in the hell my fuzzy robe was while having to pee really bad.  I really should just leave it on the floor instead of hanging up all nice and proper like.

Because that would make sense.

Anyway get myself mostly put together and then I can\’t find my damn jeans.  You know the one\’s I had in my hand and put down briefly to go do something and then for the life of my couldn\’t find again.  I mean seriously, WTF is that?  So there I am, trolling around my apartment mostly dressed sans pants while muttering where in the fuck are my jeans to myself whilst looking for said jeans.  Thankfully I had a clean pair on my \’chair-drobe\’ because lord knows, I hate doing laundry and the 5 foot pile of it in my room is testament to that very fact.  So after wasting loads of time getting ready and missing the bus that I wanted to take, I finally got my ass en route to work.

Staggered into the dep at the metro because this guy has some killer croissants and he also has coffee.  AKA the breakfast of champions.  It was insanely windy outside and all I wanted was to suck back some of my awesome coffee delicious-ness and get through my day.  Anyway, mission accomplished.  Cafe was consumed, as was the awesome croissant AND Can-Am not only arrived on time but they also didn\’t fuck up my produce order.  The best part, my banana\’s were actually fit for immediate consumption (they\’re the easiest to prepare) unlike the previous order where all 20lbs yes TWENTY POUNDS of my banana\’s were a hideous shade of day glow green!  Something very much like number 1\"\"

when really, ideally they\’d be closer to 5 seeing as how I order  then half & half.  So in theory they should be 2-3 & 4-5.  Took almost 2 weeks for those bastards to ripen!  Anyway, I had hope.  Hope that maybe today wouldn\’t turn out to be such a craptacular day!

I was wrong. 

Walking by Angela\’s desk, she commented that Jack Layton had lost his battle to cancer.  Figures that one of the few rare gems in politics, that most people liked died of some hideous disease.  Which hardly seems fair.  I pay scant attention to politics because well that always starts up a heated debate of some sort doesn\’t it?  That\’s why I\’d rather talk about food.  Everyone likes food.  The kitchen is usually the hub of anyone\’s home and it\’s comforting.  When people get into heated debates about food it\’s usually happy one\’s.  Amiright?

So yeah that sucked, more then a little.  Can\’t wait for the next election.  o.0

So my afternoon progressed without too much hassle.  Save for the odd incident here and there, but whatever.  By now, the caffeine high is winding down and I go from being tired to bitchy and tired.  Then I had to do laundry, at work no less.  Which generally isn\’t an issue, except that the settings on the machine are totally and utterly fubar\’ed to the point that I waste FAR too much time doing laundry, more then I should.  Of course, there\’s a fuck ton of it too.  YAY!

Then one of my co-workers pops her head in there to let me know that she had to leave her bowls on the counter because the dishwasher was full.  I\’m muttering (mostly to myself) how in the hell can the dishwasher be full?  We had almost no kids, ergo not that many dishes.

You know why the dishwasher was full?

BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE FUCKTARDS AND DON\’T KNOW HOW TO FILL A FUCKING DISHWASHER PROPERLY!  Jesus H. Christ!

Nothing and I do mean nothing irritates me more, than having to re-arrange the damn dishwasher like it\’s my fucking living room.  Seriously!   So because of that, I now have to construct an instruction sheet (with pictures) to show exactly how one fills the dishwasher.  You know, like I would have to for say my 3 year old\’s.  Because you know, lying an empty yogurt container on it\’s SIDE on top of a bunch of other dishes is the most effective way to get it clean.

This is why I don\’t like Monday\’s, even though you didn\’t ask.

I told you anyway.  You\’re welcome.

Let\’s see you write a song about that Geldof.

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Dear wolf crying, drama Queens.

The one thing I truly dislike about social media is the blatant abuse of it.  I get constant invites to bullshit \”causes\” such as tell Zynga to do what-the-fuck-ever with my farm/mafia/game show/ kid brother/ my pet monster, whatever.

THAT AIN\’T A FUCKING CAUSE YO!

Causes was created so that people who have legitimate charities/NFP organizations and  such to raise money and awareness about things that are important, you know like cancer?!? Your farm? Not so much.

I don\’t say that to be insensitive or mean, I play the odd game here and there on FB to procrastinate from doing things that I should be doing pass the time.  There\’s nothing wrong with that, although abusing such things like that are.  So. Very. Wrong.  So yeah, I report those. 

Yeah I totally am one of those people.

Anyway, another thing I dislike about social media in general is the need for it to be a popularity contest for some, an audience for others.  Whatever the reason, some people abuse it to a whole other level.  Such as a need to churn up constant drama!  Especially when I see things like this:

OMFG! NO ONE LOVES ME, I WANT TO DIE </3

I\’M GOING TO GO KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW!

(enter dramatic sigh/sob here)

You know what I say to that?

PLEASE DO!  Because then I don\’t have to:

  • A. block you from my news-feed anymore and/or kick you off my friends list for being a drama queen douche.
  • B. Wonder if this time you\’re actually being fucking serious or not.
  • C. Waste my precious time and training trying to help you help yourself when really you just have a low self esteem and need some fucking redemption of yourself!

Suicide is serious, so stop fucking around about it and making it into some personal fucking game for your attention seeking ways!

It\’s not to say that I don\’t care.  Because clearly I DO otherwise I wouldn\’t bother with this, nor this.  Suicide is no stranger to my life and out of all the people I lost, not one of them went ahead and broadcasted it all over the fucking internet.  The signs were there (they always are) however they\’re so subtle that you might not notice them if you\’re not paying attention.  The key to communication is to not only listen, but to hear what\’s NOT being said.  So when you scream suicide online like some fucking drama Queen idiot, the only thing you\’re saying to me is this: I need help, I need someone to love me.  NOT :I want to die.

So you think about this the next time you want to say shit like that, think about the people\’s heads you\’re fucking with, simply because you need attention.

Think long and fucking hard.

-Steph