Monthly Archives: October 2009

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Thanks that was fun…

Don\’t forget, no regrets…  I just happened to have that song stuck in my head, and in a way it somewhat applies I guess for the most part in a round-about-sorta-way…  With the exception of \”I thought that you would be begging to be with me. I’m the one on my knees, blubbering,
\”please, let me stay\”.\”  Cos well I don\’t/won\’t do that…  EVER…  Granted I have had people begging to be with me because well I am awesome 😉

Yeah that was totally random in a way but in another way I can\’t entirely divulge what exactly I\’m talking about/referring to mostly because I\’m not 100% certain myself… lol  In a way I\’m putting my foot down in regards to certain things.  In some ways I feel like a dog that chases its tail but in the same token I can\’t get pissed because I\’ve been SO damn sick lately and really, really angry!  I managed once again to get myself into one hell of a really bad situation that\’s bound to be FULL of absolute FAIL…  We\’ll see how it all works out in the end though I guess.  At least I know where I stand with some people and well that\’s better then nothing I suppose right?  Needless to say the way that some people handle certain situations serves as a shining example of things to come!  I just hope that they keep that particular fact in mind…  Someone\’s going to win and someone\’s going to loose and I have a feeling that I already know who that is… One can never truly know until it happens, and maybe I\’ll surprise myself…

*I can only imagine the assumptions that some people are going to arrive at while reading this, in any case don\’t assume that its about you because it very well might not be, but it just very well may be about you, you\’ll never know.*

So anyway time to turn the page and move on to more randomness that\’s my life…
Bathroom is painted and partially decorated.  Of course the previous decor just didn\’t fit in with the current color so that had to be changed.  Now I have to play the waiting game because I ordered 8×10 prints of my own work that I altered in paint-shop pro to \”appear\” as if they\’re already matted and well to just add visual interest as opposed to having the entire image fill it.   They won\’t be ready until Monday which is also thanksgiving day which means that *I* get a PAID day off of work, excellent!  Not sure if the place is actually open or not, but perhaps it is.  I hope so, because its making my OCD go a little insane 😉

I\’ve come to the conclusion that my kitty affectionately known as Mrs. Kitler isn\’t anorexic, I think she just hates her food or maybe she hates her new brother…  She hasn\’t eaten SFA in DAYS and even though she was a total fat ass, she\’s lost a little too much weight and I was starting to get concerned.  I can\’t \”free feed\” her like I was doing because Xavier is a total pig and eats his food and then her\’s too!  So that poses a bit of an issue because I can\’t drag her off into my room or something to ensure that she\’s eating.  I would hate to have to send him back to the shelter but it looks like I may not have a choice in the matter.  After all Heddy got here first and she\’s my baby!

I had a job interview yesterday, went OK I guess.  The executive Chef is super nice and the money is AMAZING!  So that would be exceptional but I\’m never that fortunate so I\’m not getting my hopes up at this time.   Because well that\’s just foolish and all now isn\’t it?

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I have a plan…

I like plans, I like knowing that I and I alone hold some semblance of control over *my* life and no one else.  So after the most epic meltdown that I think I have ever had which Ian bared the burnt of that via  a telephone conversation last night after making the mistake of asking me how my day was lol.  So my boss is being a twat and I have officially reached my breaking point!  I\’ve been talking about going back to school for years now to pursue something else but that takes time and money that I don\’t necessarily have.  Especially time!  Being in the culinary industry is a total time whore!  No its not impossible to maintain a job and go to school, I\’ve done it.  However its so un-predictable it makes time management a tad difficult on occasion.

Enter this beautiful thing that technology permits called e-learning!  Lasalle college offers a year long program in multimedia techniques which is online and the tuition fees aren\’t outrageously high either so that\’s a plus!  I have little interest in some aspects of the program, but meh why not?  Won\’t kill me to learn something new which is somewhat in retrospect to what I was after anyway.  I\’m also going to be taking a crash course in web design.  I have background knowledge  in it anyway and seeing as how my code skills could use some work anyway might as well.  Jason and I had discussed that prior to his untimely death and well I figure there\’s no better time then the present.  I put it off for several reasons, one of them being he was my personal coding genius.

I already have a copy of the entire macromedia dreamweaver suite (which is included with said class) and associated programs but maybe I\’ll actually learn how to actually use it lol.  Because their tutorials well they\’re shit…  I also lack the patience to sit there and figure it out on my own.  nothing like have a grossly over-priced piece of paper to add to my current collection that say YAY I know how to use it! 😉  Originally it was more so for my own personal benefit with Jason\’s & company\’s joint ventures but I figure since he\’s gone now and even though James did agree to come on board (thank God!) it would be to my own personal benefit to actually know 100% how everything works so that I need not rely on anyone/anything else…

So in order to achieve this I have to continue to whore myself out to the industry that I really am growing to despise and don\’t exactly enjoy anymore regardless of where I work I now have a goal in mind and that if anything gives me the motivation to tolerate this a little bit longer (I hope!) knowing that in the end something bigger and better will be there at the end.  Again I can hope right?  So we\’ll see what happens, in any case my website will benefit from it in the end (I think).

So I have a job interview tomorrow evening for a sous Chef position which is more *my* deal, and well its more stable since its in an upscale retirement home as opposed to a restaurant environment so if anything its consistent as opposed to being in an alternative culinary environment where your hours are dictated by the amount of customers you have in a day.   I need more stability in my life when it comes to my finances because well I have a tattoo habit to support.  Also decided that since my knee issue has improved sans surgery I\’m going back to the gym.  I miss kick boxing, people may say that its violent blah blah blah but really aside from having and I quote \” good old fashioned angry sex to make me feel better\” which is always fun, I need an outlet for the reams of anger I seem to be experiencing lately and well I like it.   Not only that my sex life is well not even in exsistance :p

So maybe I\’ll start shopping for hot pink hello kitty boxing gloves ha ha!

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And i\’m done…

Its official, I HAVE reached my breaking point as of right now!  I mean seriously, I just want to curl up into the fetal position in a padded room and scream!  I\’ve been saying for years now that I need HAVE to not be a Chef anymore…  After today the more I think about it, the more it needs to happen.  My boss has some serious issues with communication, I mean really.  Its one thing to rag on me for something I DIDN\’T do or have the audacity to say to me I told you that earlier when in fact it WAS my co-worker, NOT her in a snotty ass bitchy tone.  That, I can\’t handle that!  There\’s no damn way I can take her, this industry and the reams of BS that come with it!

I\’m pretty sure that I\’m going to unjustly get fired from my job because my boss refuses to acknowledge when she\’s wrong or when she\’s convinced in *her* mind that I didn\’t do something or her new favorite pastime, writing me up for something that she told me ONE time to do and I forgot or it wasn\’t done when SHE wanted it done without taking into consideration what I need to get done in the morning with only ONE hour to get it done.  So yes please pile more work onto my ass because you assume that I don\’t manage my time properly or something…

No I\’m not perfect and contrary to her belief, I AM mature enough, responsible enough to in fact take responsibility for my OWN ACTIONS!  She however can\’t…  Tells ME that *I* don\’t communicate enough but when anyone attempts to, she doesn\’t fucking listen and argues with you to the point that you want to stab yourself in the face due to extreme frustration!  I don\’t give a damn if your the one who signs my cheques, if you don\’t provide me with the necessary tools to do my job I can\’t make it happen!  I am not a mind reader either, I posses numerous gifts but that\’s NOT one of them!

That being said I applied for a bunch of jobs yesterday…  Got a few phone calls back today but there\’s only one that interests me at the moment.  One of them didn\’t even bother to leave me a voicemail, oh well c\’est la vie…  I\’ll see what happens, because I need to get out of this industry right now.

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A bunch of random ass questions & other nonsense…

Well 3 posts in one day who knew that I would be so damn productive lol.  I actually did have a productive day kinda sorta…  I also happen to be wide awake at the moment…  Not to mention I happen to be feeling horribly rambunctious 🙂  Makes me want to torment someone, but I won\’t, well at least not right now…

So I keep getting this in my e-mail, tagged on facebook blah blah blah so you know what, I\’ll fill the damn thing out, shut everyone up and be done with it.  Because really who DOESN\’T want to know a bunch of random likely useless facts about moi?  Before I do though, I really need to get something off my chest aside from 3 cup sizes…  I HATE this commercial!  I mean really!  It won a golden lion at Cannes?  WTF!  This commercial makes my brain hurt! Who comes up with this stuff?   Not only that its SUPER CREEPY! Not to mention that cheesy, LAME videotron commercial…  That makes me want to stab myself in the forehead!  Sadly I can\’t find it online but the minute I do, I will be posting it here.  Anyway onto more of my random nonsense…
Made out with a member of the same sex? Wouldn\’t go as far to say that, but yeah I kissed a girl once and took pictures…  Take that Katy Perry!
Been dumped? More like ditched, once and he came crawling back 2.5 years later.  Yeah I AM that good 😉
Been pierced? On numerous occasions yes, most of which are retired.  I did however keep all the good ones…
Gotten in the car with people you didn\’t know? Indeed, I love strangers!
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Nope, more like the other way around, what can I say people love me and no one really knows why…
Ditched school to do something more fun? All the time, that\’s why I got kicked out of 2 high schools ha ha!
Miss someone right now? Yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yeah but not in a long time.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yep, I can pass out just about anywhere
Felt an earthquake? Yes
Been in a car accident that you didn\’t cause? yes.
Witnessed a crime? Yeah …
Been the person doing the crime? Ha ha yeah and I didn\’t get caught!
Pole danced? Yep
Felt so sick you thought you might die? Actually yeah, I almost did die that time though.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? ALL the time!
Kissed in the rain? Among other things yes
Had sex in a park? Yeah
Got your tongue/”arm” stuck to a flag pole? Nope
Ever gone to school partially naked? No
Forgotten someones name? Yeah.
Gone skinny dipping? Yes.
Been cheated on? Several times
Thrown strange objects? Yes, makes me dangerous to work with!
Own an instrument? Only sharp ones
Shot a gun? Yes.
Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you? Yep
Is there anything stressing you out currently? Hell yes!
Do you remember what you were like a year ago? Yep and a whole lot of things have changed since then…
Are you currently frustrated with someone? Not anyone in particular except my boss…
Does it take a lot to make you cry? Not usually.
When did you last cry? Last night, briefly.
Kissed someone in the past forty-eight hours? Nope
Do you look intimidating? According to some people I do
Would you prefer it to be a thunderstorm or snowing? Thunderstorms are far cooler!
Is your heart broken right now? In theory yeah
Have you ever done anything outrageously dumb? That\’s a semi-daily occurrence sometimes lol

OK now its technically Monday and I should be in bed because I have to get up for work in 6 hours bleck!   Sent off a ton of CV\’s earlier, now I get to play the waiting game.  I put off looking for a job before because I was so damn sick.  Still am sick but not nearly as bad as I was before.