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Brett Michaels called

And he wants his bandanna back… 

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That was the first thought that crept into my mind when M parked his ass in front of me at Starbucks earlier this evening.  Never in my life have I encountered such social disparity in one place before.  Starbucks is yuppie-ville no doubt and most people who truly know me, know that I don\’t embody that persona.  In any case, one can\’t begin to fathom my surprise (and hidden horror) when I laid eyes on him.

I knew something was up when he blew me off about the whole picture thing.  Everyone has a picture of themselves and while his excuse reasoning seemed somewhat feasible I let it go.

Which clearly, I shouldn\’t have.   

Don\’t get me wrong, I don\’t put a lot of stock in the way a person looks.  Yes they DO matter, just how much however depends on the person.  I\’m a Chef and I eat with my eyes first after all 😉  I was not however quite prepared for what sat before me…  It was as if a member of long since departed 80\’s heavy metal band sans eyeliner was my \’date\’.  Holy shit!  I mean really dude, if you\’re going to run around sporting long hair take care of it.  Instead however you choose to run around with split ends and hair so fried that it looks like you were the victim of a fire gone horribly wrong and didn\’t bother with a trim at that.

Oh and the bandanna…  Oh my word.  It was as if he was trying to embody Brett Micheals, without the eyeliner!  I mean really?  The camo pants and band t-shirt were what really did me in…  I like heavy metal just as much as the next person, I do not however embody the long lost \’look of the 80\’s)  I mean come on, put forth some effort at least?!?  Jesus Christ!  Even I, who had just gotten off of work put forth a minor effort to at least look somewhat put together.  I\’m honestly starting to not give a shit period and thinking that becoming a nun might not be such a bad idea…

I don\’t care how you dress or anything like that.  However, whatever look you\’re attempting to pull off…

Do. It. Well.  Then maybe, just maybe you\’ll get laid.

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Disclaimer: I don\’t care if I sound like a judgmental bitch.  I\’m just being honest and I honestly don\’t give a shit if you like it or not.  It\’s your right to dress/act the way you choose, doesn\’t mean *I* have to like it… 

 

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Life\’s little conversation gems…

OK so bear in mind I had a major fat kid vacation so my healthier habits basically went into the toilet.  As a result I\’m making a conscious effort to do a little better.  One of those things would be to consume more water, I\’m tired of feeling lethargic and dehydrated.  So this is a good thing, having to pee all the time, not so much.  As a result of this, this conversation happened today at work.

Me: Good lord, I need to pee again!

Co-worker: Happens to people who are pregnant.

Me: Nope, that\’s *not* possible.

C0-worker: Sure it is, my friend got pregnant and she was on the pill.

Me: (laughing) No (insert co-workers name here), I can\’t get pregnant because I don\’t have anyone to have sex with.

C0-worker: *Awkward silence*  Soooooo lunch?

We both had a good laugh over the whole thing.  Maybe you just had to be there?

 

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DYAC/Drunk texts-Stephafied

I have an android smart phone.  I have to say, it\’s pretty awesome and has come in handy on more then one occasion.  Although I refuse to be one of those people who is constantly on their phone updating their shit.  I have better things to do with my time.  I\’m also pretty careless with where I leave it sometimes.

Maybe I just don\’t want to be found? 

Anyway the website DYAC (damn you auto correct)  is usually full of win.  While I don\’t have an iphone (so I can\’t screen shot them) I still have that somewhat irritating although occasionally entertaining predictive text/auto correct feature on my phone.  Sometime\’s it\’s just because I\’m drunk…  In any case, I can always e-mail the convo\’s and sometimes they have merit.  This is one of those times.

My favorite: Between Adam & I: 

Where do you live now?
Near Montreal pussy station.
Is that a new strip club?  
Ha ha what? No. Oh fucking phone.  No Montreal Ouest, as in the train station.  There is however a strip club up the street.

Between Wayne (my gay boyfriend) & I.  I was trying to convince him to come out to the bar :
Shit sidelines looks busy now lol or is that the whole bar outside lol/
Nope it\’s Busty. I mean busy lol. (Every time I went to type in BUSY, it would auto correct it to Busty)
You are busty lol.
Lol yeah I know
ha ha.
Babe you still awake? come see mrerree!
I am not going out I am hun hunny sorry lol.
I\’m sure you are babe but what does the size of your cock have to do with anything? 😉
Not my cock omg hungover helllooooooooo omg lololol. And I am not hung lmfao bahhaha.
That\’s not what I heard.

Same night, between Amy & I (I was well on my way at this point, thank God Amy\’s a teacher and clearly speaks drunkennease too):
Is it busy and where abouts r u sitting?
It\’s busty enough and were buy the frontal.
Near where we were yesterday?
Yeah but closer to the stage, my mom\’s preggers spot (was supposed to say preferred).
Ok. Ryan says he knows where u are.
Lol K. Dandra\’s here (my sister Sandra)

 

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2011 Review

2011 started out a little rough, however it quickly shaped up to be one of the most amazing years yet!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Help feed & serve the homeless on Christmas Eve with my mom & sister.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I haven’t bothered with them in years.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My best friend of 27+ years had an adorable baby girl!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes

5. What countries did you visit?

How about provinces? I went to Ontario for Christmas.  Not a very exciting year in terms of travel.  Yet again…  I aim to change that for this year!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Less drama and less BS.  Little more cash perhaps, the ability to travel more…

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 17th the day that I realized that some things you can\’t do on your own, some people are only meant to be a part of your life for a short period of time and everything really does happen for a reason.

April 28th: The day I took my freedom back and go the hell out of an apartment I hated.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Quitting smoking

9. What was your biggest failure?

Starting smoking again…

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes. Nothing too serious

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A new ipod shuffle because I need music to keep me sane.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I\’m going to be shallow and say mine along with Anna, Heather and Chantal.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Pete (same one as last year, he\’s no longer a part of my life anymore), Bryan, Paul, A, C, J and S

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, bills and more bills! A few concerts, 2 trips to Ontario.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My tattoo appointment (as per), seeing Pearl Jam live for the first time, seeing the Lion King with my mom.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Can’t say I have one particular song in mind.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

I am mostly happier, thinner and richer in a non monetary way.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Being social, boxing, traveling to some place other then Ontario.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Moving, painting walls, wasting time on people that simply don\’t matter enough to me to waste my precious time on.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

I was in Ontario with my family & friends and it was awesome!  I had an exceptional Christmas this year!

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Yes but it\’s over now.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey\’s, private practice, big bang theory, two broke girls.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Yes.

24. What was the best book you read?

The Millennium Trilogy (The girl with the dragon tattoo, the girl who played with fire, the girl who kicked the hornet\’s nest)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Young the giant, Emerson drive not necessarily the \’greatest\’ per se but memorable just the same 😀

26. What did you want and get?

More work done on my sleeve, which is now almost done!  A home for Shamrock my foster dog, to be able to help a friend out that really needed it the most.

27. What did you want and not get?

This year, oddly enough I have nothing to add here.  It\’s a good thing!

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

The girl with the dragon tattoo.  It was an amazing rendition that was exceptionally close to the book with a few excerpts from books 2 & 3 thrown in.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 33 and had a small, yet fun gathering.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not being in debt.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Pretty much the same as it usually is.  I like simple, classic and classy.

32. What kept you sane?

My friends, my family, my job. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them this year!  I am so very fortunate to have such amazing people in my life!

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

That’s not my style, I could care less about that sort of thing.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

This year I paid scant attention to politics period.

35. Who did you miss?

Jason, my mom, Pete.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Christina!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

That some people are so poor that the only thing they have is money.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

\”Whatever doesn\’t kill me

Doesn\’t make me stronger
But I\’m not gonna give up yet
And if these walls should weaken
I\’m still strong enough to know
I\’m gonna build them up again\”

Finger 11 Whatever doesn\’t kill me