Category Archives: Are you f’ing kidding me?!?

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Snippets and other misc. shit

I\’m sick. Sick as in I want to crawl into bed and stay there because my head is so fucking congested right now and the back of my throat is so seriously itchy I am thinking about sticking a fork down my throat so I can scratch it.  Thankfully I could in fact do that, I have no gag reflex. At least not in the traditional sense.

That however is a story best saved for another day.

How did I get sick? My little \’boyfriend\’ (AKA favorite baby at work, not my actual boyfriend) KG sneezed. In. My. Mouth.  Last week he was all sick and cranky and he just loves me so of course I pick him up and try to comfort him and that was the thanks I got in return.  I\’ve been fighting it all week, but of course today it hits me like a fucking Mac truck and I feel like ass.

Magical!

So anyway, today being good Friday and all, work was a lot more lax.  So much in fact that I didn\’t have much to do and left before 2pm. That almost never happens as while handy, that\’s going to hurt come payday…  Anyway instead of doing something useful like cleaning my office or working on my new cake website because that just takes far too much effort… So I come on here to bitch and whine about being sick and other random nonsense that spews forth in my mind.

So today, I stumbled upon the following (in no particular order):

  • \"\"

 

Yeah I know it\’s blasphemous and I don\’t give a shit…  I\’m going to hell in every religion anyway and that happened loooooooooooooong before this post happened.  

Continue reading →

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Word of the day: TRUTH

Some people need a high five, in the face. With a chair.

Others, well they just need a clue.

Some people would disagree with me and the method I occasionally use.  However I feel that it\’s better to know, in spite of how hurtful it may be as opposed to not knowing at all.  Which is why I generally don\’t play the same game that boys generally do. Which is to ignore the person or problem in the hopes that it will go away.  Clearly men who do that, have no balls.  They think that they\’re sparing our feelings but in reality it\’s just plain insulting and makes us want to plot revenge against your sorry ass.

It takes character and a spine to tell someone how you really feel.  Even if those feelings aren\’t exactly nice.  Bottom line is, not everyone is aware of their actions.  They might acknowledge it in their own mind, however it puts a whole new spin on things when someone else has the guts and the integrity to tell you just how they feel.  There ARE ways to do it without being catty, vengeful or mean.  In my opinion, even if you were; I would at the very least respect you for being true to yourself and having the guts to be straight with me.

Which brings me to this:

Eons ago I started talking to a guy for a brief period of time.  Nothing ever came of it, in fact we never did meet.  Recently I got an e-mail from said person wondering what I\’d been up to and to be perfectly honest, I didn\’t even remember who he was.  I admitted as much because i\’m honest like that and he was considerate enough to remind me.  The issue? He did it ALL wrong.  So that being said, I thought that I could perhaps just let it go and move on -OR- I could steer him in a better direction. Maybe.  In any case, I admire the fact that he had the balls to be that honest with a total stranger.  That takes a lot of guts and I admire that.  Although on the other side of the coin, it\’s not what you say; sometimes it\’s how you say it…

Behold:

I live in NDG and I think you do as well. Indeed.

I\’m 33 and younger than you, if my memory serves me correct. No, no it does not.
Probably told you I have not been with many women, so my experience is lacking, but am a great kisser and a huge fan of oral sex.
All guys are alleged to be HUGE fans of oral sex, did you really play that card?  Also, there was a HFMD outbreak at work, my lips have finally lost the $5 hooker appearance but still… 
Definitely would say I\’m a giver in that sense. Umhm…  Compensating?
I\’m 5\’6\” about 150lbs with brown hair and eyes.  So you\’re short. Yeah.
I remember you being bigger than me, WTF?!? Um yeah likely because I\’m taller than you by several (4 inches) and must resemble an amazonian giant to persons of your height or shorter. 
but we didn\’t share much since you were doing laundry… Right. Laundry. The bane of my exsistance!  However I also seem to recall that he didn\’t make any effort after that and I don\’t chase after people…
That\’s pretty much what I remember and probably what I shared with you. Indeed.

If it isn\’t obvious already, what I was THINKING is in italics.  However this is my actual reply:

Sorry about the delayed reply, my phone didn\’t notify me that there was a new e-mail in this account.  I rarely check it, as I mentioned previously.  That being said:

You\’re correct.

If your birthday falls after June 12th you would be younger.
Yes, you did mention that to me previously.  Now I have a better recollection of who you are.
Bigger than you? Wow. Of all the inappropriate things to say to a woman, that would be on the top of my list.
Friendly piece of advice, don\’t do that.  I am TALLER than you are & aren\’t a skinny bitch either, but didn\’t need anyone to point that out. So thanks for that.
>.<
Yeah I also never heard back from you at that point and I don\’t make a habit of chasing guys around either.  The effort is two fold and goes both ways no?
-Steph
See what I did there?
So after thinking about this for a while, I thought to myself I\’m going to unleash the truth on a few other guys who deserve it   need a reality check.  I\’m good like that!
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WTF moments…

OK, I love my mom. She\’s totally bad-ass and all around awesome.  With one exception: when she calls me at work on a Monday afternoon for two reasons.

  • To let me know that the family dog Belgium had a litter of puppies…
  • To ask for my address & to let me know that I needed to obtain some bank information for a branch that\’s close to my work.

That\’s it!!!!

Her response to that? Well I wanted to catch you before you left so you had time to head to the bank and you could e-mail me later on when you got home.  It\’s called google mom.  You would be AMAZED at the information that you can find online. 😉

Bear in mind I live in one province, mommy dearest lives in another.  So when my mom\’s number appears on my phone in the middle of a work day, I obviously assume the worst, have a mini stroke and then pick up the phone.

For that ^ >.<

Also, my cell company… GOOD LORD!

I have a plan that has 10 international buddies which should offer me unlimited calling to ten people of my choosing ALL ACROSS THE WORLD. Hence the term INTERNATIONAL.  So yeah I was a little pissy when I got a huge ass phone bill charging me for calling someone in Nebraska. Three times!  So I e-mail them and this is what the response that I got was:

Greetings Stephanie,

You\’ve reached Amanda with Virgin Mobile and I would like to thank you for your patience while awaiting a response. I can certainly discuss your national Buddies. I completely understand where you\’re coming from and why you\’d like to ensure you\’re being billed fairly.

National Buddies are for calling Canadian numbers while in Canada. Being able to call within Canada to a Canadian number is national calling. It appears your service is working perfectly based on the services you signed up for.

I trust this clears up how your Buddies work, Stephanie.

All the best,
Amanda

Listen up Amanda!

This don\’t clear up shit! Why? Because I don\’t have the national buddies plan, mine is supposed to be international!  *face palm*

On a final note, I\’m going back to school.  I need a permanent code since I didn\’t go to school in QC.  So I contacted the government authority that I was supposed to contact, and was a little taken aback by their response:

Greetings, 

Thank you for writing to the Ministère de l\’Éducation, du Loisir et du Sport. 

In response to your question, we would like to inform you that, in order to obtain a permanent code, you must present your immigration documents to the school where you want to study. They will then send a request to the MELS to have a permanent code assigned to you. However, please take note that, if you have submitted a request for financial assistance to a person responsible for international cooperation programs at the MELS, or to a person responsible for the faculty of graduate studies at your university, he or she will take care of requesting a permanent code for you. In any case, you must wait until you have received your documents from the Ministère de l\’Immigration et des Communautés culturelles. 

We hope this information is to your satisfaction. 

Regards, 

Violaine Forget

Dear Violaine,

I\’m a Canadian. WTF?!?

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Bitch please!

It\’s rare that I post anything about work, however since I don\’t have horrific dates to post about; work it is! I really just need to bitch. It’s my blog, I’m allowed so there!
I actually enjoy my job, most of the time. Lately it’s been loaded with major ball suckage. The cook we had (who sucked ass on several levels anyway) is no longer with us so my work load has increased exponentially (since I\’m working both sides) while my patience has dwindled down to non-existent. I also don’t deal well with stupid.

We have a lot of replacement staff on hand right now and needless to say, it’s Fucking. Everything. Up.

Dislike.

So we have this one woman and I wasn’t impressed with her personality from the get go, but I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. She’s rude, loud, and obnoxious and has the poorest observation skills. She also mumbles & only speaks French. So that makes conversations with her interesting almost mission impossible…

I could go on about several of her fails but I’ll stick to just the one. So, today I’m at work in my kitchen de-boning salmon for lunch. So needless to say, my hands are covered in salmon slime.

Yeah I know that’s hot.

Anyway, she comes in and grabs a glass of water and I’m standing there doing my thing and she’s talking (mind you, she didn’t address me directly so I\’m not listening) and I’m doing my thing ergo not paying one iota of attention to her because she could be talking to herself for all I know. Then I hear this:

EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I whipped around, wondering who in the hell she thought she was talking to ME like that IN MY FUCKING KITCHEN no less. Then she asks me this:

Pouvez-vous  passer le savon s\’il vous plaît?

I just looked glared at her with the ultimate are you fucking kidding me look on my face.

Seriously? Are you blind? Or just really fucking stupid?

I’m clearly busy and my hands are covered in shit and you want me to pass you the fucking soap? Jesus Christ! One of these days, I’m just going to haul off and punch her in the damn face! I don’t know who she thinks she is, but honey I got news for your ass: I CAME FIRST AND IT’S MY FUCKING KITCHEN CUNT! SHOW SOME ME SOME FUCKING RESPECT BITCH.

 Never mind the fact that she had no business being in there in the first place, let alone washing her own dishes*.  Especially  when you\’ve been working in one of the classrooms that have had an illness outbreak.  Sunlight ain\’t going to cut it it sister.

I really need to get out of this industry before I accidently on purpose stab someone.  Common sense isn\’t that common and you can\’t fix stupid…  Yet people like that seem to flock to me.  WTF is it about me?!?  Seriously!

End rant,carry on.

*In case you\’re wondering why doing your own dishes is a no-no at my job, it\’s simple. Germs. Also people don\’t know how to wash their dishes correctly and end up putting them back in the cupboard when they\’re still wet and then it get\’s all sludgy and moldy (true story, happened last summer. Awesome!) so while people may think they\’re helping me, the reality is you\’re not. So please, just don\’t.